Guide for Forum newbies.

Quote by dargento
ive just had a novel idea postie...
how about a thread about cock size????
:shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:

Quote by ChameleonGary
I was under the impression that i wasn't getting any shags because I was a boring, ugly feck... I now realise this is because I am a Newbie and it is all part of the initiation ritual. Phew... there's hope for me yet

Quote by postie
I was under the impression that i wasn't getting any shags because I was a boring, ugly feck... I now realise this is because I am a Newbie and it is all part of the initiation ritual. Phew... there's hope for me yet

Quote by ChameleonGary
I was under the impression that i wasn't getting any shags because I was a boring, ugly feck... I now realise this is because I am a Newbie and it is all part of the initiation ritual. Phew... there's hope for me yet

Quote by postie
I was under the impression that i wasn't getting any shags because I was a boring, ugly feck... I now realise this is because I am a Newbie and it is all part of the initiation ritual. Phew... there's hope for me yet

Quote by EagerSlut
Bloody heck postie it's 0725 Tuesday morning and I haven't seen you on here yet since I got up.
Does this mean you're out delivering a letter? :shock: :shock: :shock:
BTW (and I haven't in all honesty read all the way through this thread) have you forgotten about the SH Clock?
ES
:rascal: :rascal:
Eeeeeeeeeeek! I'll be late for work!

Quote by postie
Disclaimer ! Any newbie who reads this.... it's just a joke!!!!!!!!!! thanks Mal...
Welcome to the Forum...
as a newbie you may be wondering how to use this wonderful place to get your leg over.
Follow this advice and you wont go too far wrong! Before you know it you'll be the talk of the Forum and will probably have no end of shags lined up.
Introducing yourself
You've joined the Forum, and you want to dive in and make your mark. The best way to get yourself noticed is to say hello. Spend up to a minute writing your first thread, any longer is a waste of your valuable time, write it preferably in text speak as most Forum users love it when you do as it saves time . Something like this is always good:

Im new 2 all this n i wanna meet ya all esp ladeez im xxxx(insert your name) and well up for it... any1 wanna say hi pm me now.
This will set the ball rolling and no end of people will write you a pm saying hi and probably offering you a shag too.
Rules of the Forum
You will notice that the Forum has "moderators". These people are paid handsome sums of money to enforce the rules. But as a newbie you have a week before the rules apply to you. If one of them locks your thread, it's because they can't be arsed to read all of it. Either that or you have been far to funny for their liking. The best way to contact a Moderator about having one of your threads locked is to post a new thread asking why it was locked. normal response time for this is under a minute, and they will get back to you with a reason as to why your original thread was locked. It's against the rules for them to lock your 2nd thread. Make sure you demand to have your first thread unlocked, or else they'll probably forget.
Making friends with the regulars.
The regulars on the Forum are awaiting your input. It doesn't matter if it's totally off-topic, just as long as you say something. Don't sit there thinking i have nothing to say, just post the first thing that pops into your mind. Don't forget to litter your post with spelling mistakes, text speak and suchlike to keep in with the regulars... they love it!
Occasionally a regular may mention your comment is a bit off topic. Don't worry, just explain to them it's an open Forum and you can post what you like. It's just a test used by regulars to see if you have read the rules.
Starting your own thread
After saying hi to every one in your first thread, you'll be expected to keep posting such good stuff. The regulars have probably never seen any of the jokes that get sent around the internet as they are always in the Forum. A good way to make friends in the Forum is to copy and paste the latest internet joke that your mate emailled you. If you have no mates, maybe a quick search on google will find a funny joke or story for you to use.. To make it even more funny, substitute your name into the lead role and pretend it actually happened to you...

I'm still not getting offers of a shag!
Sometimes the regulars forget to offer to shag you. Start a thread asking if this site is all about shagging, or what??? The regulars may be a bit embarressed about forgetting you and not offering a shag on your first day here. If this problem continues, it may be because they are working their way through the list of newbies, and your turn is comming soon. Keep posting in your own thread and ask if there are actually any women on here. This will highlight your need to the female regulars and may bump you up the list.
If you have not had an offer of at least one shag in your first week, then complain to the moderators and they will sort something out for you, after all, this is why they are here.
Your avatar and signature.
Don't forget to put a little picture to help people recognize you. Seeing as you're here looking for a quick easy shag, put a picture up of your tackle, let the regulars know what they'll be getting. It'll certainly help getting you known!
Your signature is the bit at the bottom. Don't worry about putting something meaningful in there, just re-state you want sex with strangers, occasionally people on the Forum can forget the whole reason for you being here.. take this opportunity to remind them.
People are being horrible to me!
Start a thread, explain you worries, and don't be afraid to say what you think. Tell those who have been here for ages that they were once newbies too, that they shouldn't take the piss out of you for writing drivel, and that they are a bunch of losers. Maybe mention in the week you have been here, you haven't had one offer of a shag yet.
The LMU and Dogging section.
To use these sections properly, just type in your age and location. Most people on here are gagging for it so you don't need to waste too much time explaining what you want... let them come to you. In the Dogging section it may help if you don't mention you only have a bicycle as transport.

Getting invited to a Munch
Don't bother reading the whole of the thread, simply post at the end saying you may be able to make it. This lets the organiser know you have been good enough to consider letting them meet you. If for some reason the organiser says you have only been on the site for 5 minutes and can't come, mention in the thread that it's them who'll be missing out and not you! Usually this is enough to get you on the list. Persistence is the key here, as there is a secret list of newbies who have shown their commitment and have kept asking to go. Once you are on the list, ask people if you can have a lift there and back and the use of their hotel room too. Most will offer it willingly to save you a few quid.
So, there you go. Have fun in the world of the Forum... follow this advice carefully and you'll spend a fun five minutes here before getting booted out!