Taking Things Personally

30 Mar 2007

After logging on this morning and reading the Sh Spring Honours List, I felt a bit put out that my name wasnt there :shock: Why? Why would I care so much about something said in the cyber world? Does it really matter? Does it really make a difference to me or how others perceive me? No it doesnt but from time to time I seem to really take things to heart that are said here. Even though sometimes not directed at me confused

Is it all about feeling accepted? Do we all like to feel accepted or does it not really matter to you? Is it maybe about the mood you may be in that day and if so do you stay away until you feel able to return in a better state of mind? or do you stay regardless?
Louise xx
In Edit: this is in no way a moan about anyone, more a moan about myself redface

30 Mar 2007

I used to get affected by things that happened on the forum, in terms of perceived hurt/fallouts etc. and yes did let it get to me on many occasion.
I'm not active here enough now to really see anything but the best advice I was given was to turn off the pc and go and do something else.
If I was more active, I'm sure I'd feel that way again before too long.
My opinion is that deep down we all want to be popular, whether it be all the time, or purely when we want it and anything perceived to go against that can hurt.
Cx

30 Mar 2007

Dont worry Lou...
You and I can feel unwanted together eh :rascal:

30 Mar 2007

Quote by Mallock2006
Dont worry Lou...
You and I can feel unwanted together eh :rascal:

Well if you want me im not unwanted anymore and vice versa :thrilled:
Louise xx

30 Mar 2007

Well I've just logged on and upon reading Louise's post took a look at the list and noticed my name wasn't on it as well.
Do I feel put out? Not really, but I do wonder why the creator of the SH Honours list made his list? confused

30 Mar 2007

Quote by louise_and_joe
Dont worry Lou...
You and I can feel unwanted together eh :rascal:

Well if you want me im not unwanted anymore and vice versa :thrilled:
Louise xx
Well in that case you'll never be unwanted ;-)

30 Mar 2007

Quote by Liaisons
Well I've just logged on and upon reading Louise's post took a look at the list and noticed my name wasn't on it as well.
Do I feel put out? Not really, but I do wonder why the creator of the SH Honours list made his list?

Ive just got to say that this thread is in no way directed at Sercher for his list, its his list and he is entitled to do that. Its more about how we percieve and how we take what is said in the cyber world.
Louise xx

30 Mar 2007

Unfortunately its one of those well intentioned ideas which can make others feel they have been overlooked or not considered etc.
But then again you can't invite the whole world to your birthday party! wink

30 Mar 2007

I really have no issue with being disliked or seen as irritating because it's impossible to like everyone or be liked by everyone.
I used to take things more to heart, but not in the 'normal' expected way I suppose.
What did used to get to me is people missunderstanding me (my lack of ability to articulate myself perhaps!) or accusing me of thinking/doing something that is not true about me at all.
For example there are fewer things online that are more angering than being called a biggot or similar. Me of all people! lol

But sometimes you just can't reason with folk because their opinion is formed and that's that.
Admittedly I used to get really frustrated and lash out with words, which really isn't in my nature in day to day life.
But now I tend to take things with a pinch of salt, (sometimes a very large one) and this quote pretty much sums up why..
"Prejudice is a great time saver. You can form opinions without having to get the facts"
... and if people haven't got time to learn the facts, I haven't got time to worry about what they think.
biggrin

30 Mar 2007

Quote by louise_and_joe
After logging on this morning and reading the Sh Spring Honours List, I felt a bit put out that my name wasnt there :shock: Why? Why would I care so much about something said in the cyber world? Does it really matter? Does it really make a difference to me or how others perceive me? No it doesnt but from time to time I seem to really take things to heart that are said here. Even though sometimes not directed at me
Is it all about feeling accepted? Do we all like to feel accepted or does it not really matter to you? Is it maybe about the mood you may be in that day and if so do you stay away until you feel able to return in a better state of mind? or do you stay regardless?

I understand exactly what you are saying; I have similar feelings.
I explain it to myself by saying that I am just more sensitive to comment than other people, you could say 'not so thick skinned' - but then I guess there are all types around and some feel more than others.
And then I think that the cyber element of it adds to the uncertainty. You don't see the speaker so you speak more freely than you might do if you were face to face. When you are face to face you have the advantage of seeing the facial features and the reactions to what you say. In face to face conversation I am happy to banter and leg-pull as much as anyone, whereas here I am more cautious.
I do chat on another board, and I have got to know many of the other members there, and have met them at socials, and I am far more relaxed about what I say, and what they say to me.
And now, having said all that, I feel pretty relaxed here! cool

But I still haven't got the hang of these emoticons!

30 Mar 2007

The SH forum is differnt to the vast majority of online forums, because people do meet up through interactions in this cyber world.
How do I view people on this forum?
1) There are people I do not invisage meeting
2) There are people I plan to meet at a future social /munch
3) There are people I have met at a social/munch
Who can be my friends? Cetainly people from group 3 could become friends if we both got on, but I suppose people from group 2 can only be 'cyber friends'.
The danger of the cyber world is sometimes people allow themselves to think of friends from group 2 are actually members of group 3
On SH there is the added complication of 'My Friends' which does not always relate to people who are or you would want to be your friend.

30 Mar 2007

sorry

ops:

30 Mar 2007

Quote by sercher01
sorry ops:

You haven't got ANYTHING to be sorry for FFS!
It's other people's insecurities which are making them feel this way and not your expression of thanks.
I'm honoured to be on your list (thanks), however if I wasn't on it then I wouldn't feel left out or unwanted or anything like that. Some people here interact with me almost daily and others I have no 1-1 contact, either way it matters not.
Taking things personally is the road to depression and self hate. This is a website and nothing more. Let's not make those who are happy in their weblife feel guilty for articulating that happiness. Accentuate the positive as Joe Brown once sang (grief.. was it Joe Brown??)
wink

OMG in edit :shock: it was Bing Crosby!!

AC-CENT-TCHU-ATE THE POSITIVE (Mister In-Between)
(Johnny Mercer / Harold Arlen)
You've got to accentuate the positive
Eliminate the negative
Latch on to the affirmative
Don't mess with Mister In-Between
You've got to spread joy up to the maximum
Bring gloom down to the minimum
Have faith or pandemonium
Liable to walk upon the scene
(To illustrate his last remark
Jonah in the whale, Noah in the ark
What did they do
Just when everything looked so dark)
Man, they said we better
Accentuate the positive
Eliminate the negative
Latch on to the affirmative
Don't mess with Mister In-Between
No, do not mess with Mister In-Between
Do you hear me, hmm?
(Oh, listen to me children and-a you will hear
About the elininatin' of the negative
And the accent on the positive)
And gather 'round me children if you're willin'
And sit tight while I start reviewin'
The attitude of doin' right
(You've gotta accentuate the positive
Eliminate the negative
Latch on to the affirmative
Don't mess with Mister In-Between)
You've got to spread joy (up to the maximum)
Bring gloom (down) down to the minimum
Otherwise (otherwise) pandemonium
Liable to walk upon the scene
To illustrate (well illustrate) my last remark (you got the floor)
Jonah in the whale, Noah in the ark
What did they say (what did they say)
Say when everything looked so dark
Man, they said we better
Accentuate the positive
Eliminate the negative
Latch on to the affirmative
Don't mess with Mister In-Between
No! Don't mess with Mister In-Between

30 Mar 2007

Quote by Jags
sorry ops:

You haven't got ANYTHING to be sorry for FFS!
Its already been said by the thread starter its not a dig at his thread..

Quote by louise_and_joe
Ive just got to say that this thread is in no way directed at Sercher for his list, its his list and he is entitled to do that. Its more about how we percieve and how we take what is said in the cyber world.

30 Mar 2007

As I said above, this thread wasnt meant as a dig at Sercher and he has nothing to be sorry for as jags has said.
Yes it is about insecurity and im not ashamed to say that i am insecure at times.
I also dont expect everyone to mention me in their posts. Far from it. All I did was use the example of reading Serchers thread this morning to explain and question peoples thoughts on taking things personally.
Louise xx

30 Mar 2007

Quote by louise_and_joe
As I said above, this thread wasnt meant as a dig at Sercher and he has nothing to be sorry for as jags has said.
Yes it is about insecurity and im not ashamed to say that i am insecure at times.
I also dont expect everyone to mention me in their posts. Far from it. All I did was use the example of reading Serchers thread this morning to explain and question peoples thoughts on taking things personally.
Louise xx

Yes, but then you posted in his Honours thread that you feel 'unwanted' - just a few minutes ago. I can't understand this..... redface

30 Mar 2007

Quote by Jags
As I said above, this thread wasnt meant as a dig at Sercher and he has nothing to be sorry for as jags has said.
Yes it is about insecurity and im not ashamed to say that i am insecure at times.
I also dont expect everyone to mention me in their posts. Far from it. All I did was use the example of reading Serchers thread this morning to explain and question peoples thoughts on taking things personally.
Louise xx

Yes, but then you posted in his Honours thread that you feel 'unwanted' - just a few minutes ago. I can't understand this..... redface

Its because she wanted to flirt with me but was too shy to ask ;-)

30 Mar 2007

Quote by Mallock2006
sorry ops:

You haven't got ANYTHING to be sorry for FFS!
Its already been said by the thread starter its not a dig at his thread..

Didn't make him feel better - he still apologised! And he doesn't have to.
cool

30 Mar 2007

Quote by Jags
sorry ops:

If someone does something they dont have to then it stands a good chance they did it because they wanted to confused

30 Mar 2007

its bloody hard being me rolleyes

you know " perfect" :giggle:

30 Mar 2007

Quote by Mallock2006
If someone does something they dont have to then it stands a good chance they did it because they wanted to

Or perhaps because they felt pressured into it?? Sure we've ALL been there!

30 Mar 2007

Quote by Jags
As I said above, this thread wasnt meant as a dig at Sercher and he has nothing to be sorry for as jags has said.
Yes it is about insecurity and im not ashamed to say that i am insecure at times.
I also dont expect everyone to mention me in their posts. Far from it. All I did was use the example of reading Serchers thread this morning to explain and question peoples thoughts on taking things personally.
Louise xx

Yes, but then you posted in his Honours thread that you feel 'unwanted' - just a few minutes ago. I can't understand this..... redface

I posted that because at the time I did take it personally that I wasnt on the list. Silly I know surprised

ops: Even though I only felt this briefly and upon reflection realised that it really doesnt matter, hence the reason I started the new thread. I took it personally and I shouldnt have.
Louise xx

30 Mar 2007

Quote by Jags

If someone does something they dont have to then it stands a good chance they did it because they wanted to

Or perhaps because they felt pressured into it?? Sure we've ALL been there!
Yeh...........We all get pressured by someone.. smile

30 Mar 2007

Quote by louise_and_joe
As I said above, this thread wasnt meant as a dig at Sercher and he has nothing to be sorry for as jags has said.
Yes it is about insecurity and im not ashamed to say that i am insecure at times.
I also dont expect everyone to mention me in their posts. Far from it. All I did was use the example of reading Serchers thread this morning to explain and question peoples thoughts on taking things personally.
Louise xx

Yes, but then you posted in his Honours thread that you feel 'unwanted' - just a few minutes ago. I can't understand this..... redface

I posted that because at the time I did take it personally that I wasnt on the list. Silly I know surprised

ops: Even though I only felt this briefly and upon reflection realised that it really doesnt matter, hence the reason I started the new thread. I took it personally and I shouldnt have.
Louise xx
Thanks for that Louise. That's what I read at the start of the thread. Now, rest easy please!!
:high-smile:

30 Mar 2007

Quote by Jags

If someone does something they dont have to then it stands a good chance they did it because they wanted to

Or perhaps because they felt pressured into it?? Sure we've ALL been there!
I hope Sercher didnt feel pressured into saying it because I for one do not agree with pressurising people into anything. Then again I feel pressured right now, having to explain myself further after maybe being made to look like i pressurise people into saying sorry :?
Sercher - if you did feel pressurised then I am truly sorry kiss

Louise xx

30 Mar 2007

no presure here wink

iv got to much on my plate with the " should we be judged" thread hun :wink:
its givin me a bloody saw head tryin to be intelegent and perfect :giggle:

30 Mar 2007

Quote by sercher01
its givin me a bloody saw head tryin to be intelegent and perfect :giggle:

Now you know why I suffer constantly with headaches :giggle:

30 Mar 2007

Cum ere louise,searcher and anyone else that wants a group hug kiss

Everyone likes to feel valued,at home,at work,with friends and on here is no diffrent. Some days if your not feeling so confident or good about yourself for whatever reasons your mood can make you feel more sensitive to things. Its not wrong to have these feelings but shouldnt take it personaly as on the net,forums ect people will never realy see the real you. They cant see you smile,pick up your body language and a host of other information that makes you a whole person smile

I personaly find it difficult to fully interact on forums and in emails, my sense of humour can be diffrent and misunderstood and i dont always manage to put into words what i want. I'm very aware that once i've posted,emailed people may take what i have said very diffrently to that what i intended. I have had problems in the past were ive been misunderstood online and im more weary/aware that im socialy retarded even in person with people i dont know well. I think im a bit like a nut, have to break thro the hard outer shell to get to the yummy inside...im also aware not everyone likes nuts,so each to his own!
:shock: Im fucked arnt i...shall go put me head in the oven now!
Bollocks its electric lol

Time for another group hug, im in a very huggy,snoggy mood today biggrin

Nicky

30 Mar 2007

Quote by swing_fun_cpl
Cum ere louise,searcher and anyone else that wants a group hug
Everyone likes to feel valued,at home,at work,with friends and on here is no diffrent. Some days if your not feeling so confident or good about yourself for whatever reasons your mood can make you feel more sensitive to things. Its not wrong to have these feelings but shouldnt take it personaly as on the net,forums ect people will never realy see the real you. They cant see you smile,pick up your body language and a host of other information that makes you a whole person
I personaly find it difficult to fully interact on forums and in emails, my sense of humour can be diffrent and misunderstood and i dont always manage to put into words what i want. I'm very aware that once i've posted,emailed people may take what i have said very diffrently to that what i intended. I have had problems in the past were ive been misunderstood online and im more weary/aware that im socialy retarded even in person with people i dont know well. I think im a bit like a nut, have to break thro the hard outer shell to get to the yummy inside...im also aware not everyone likes nuts,so each to his own!
:shock: Im fucked arnt i...shall go put me head in the oven now!
Bollocks its electric
Time for another group hug, im in a very huggy,snoggy mood today
Nicky

A group hug sounds good to me :thumbup:
Louise xx

30 Mar 2007

Quote by louise_and_joe
After logging on this morning and reading the Sh Spring Honours List, I felt a bit put out that my name wasnt there :shock: Why? Why would I care so much about something said in the cyber world? Does it really matter? Does it really make a difference to me or how others perceive me? No it doesnt but from time to time I seem to really take things to heart that are said here. Even though sometimes not directed at me
Is it all about feeling accepted? Do we all like to feel accepted or does it not really matter to you? Is it maybe about the mood you may be in that day and if so do you stay away until you feel able to return in a better state of mind? or do you stay regardless?
Louise xx
In Edit: this is in no way a moan about anyone, more a moan about myself

Condensed version of my original post that got timed out and lost :x :x
It's difficult for anyone to post in this thread now, apart from theretheres, for fear of upsetting you more. Unintentional I know kiss

Trouble is, now you've started this thread, someones going to go over to that thread (with good intentions) and post in it to make you feel better, which will make you feel like you've posted this just to get someone to post in the other one ..... and make you feel worse! :lol2:
Those feel good style of threads are styled (unintentionally) for the minority, the very very few. Sure when you do get a mention, it does make you feel absolutely wonderful, as you probably already know. But you can't get offended over something someone didn't say, you need a thicker skin. As I said, they're geared up for the minority, they're in noway a slur on the other 600000 members who don't, and many many many who never will, get a mention.
So I would say, just carry on with your SH life, then when you do get a mention in one of the popularity style threads, it'll not only be out of the blue, but so much more special cool

Grrrrrrrr my original post was so much better :x :x :x