Hi Mark
Welcome to SH lots of nice people on here , good luck with your music and have fun
A&S
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Andy100
Over 90 days ago
Straight Male, 70
Bisexual Female, 70
Forum
Hi all Happy New Year
Good post , from my time on this site i have been impressed by the kindness loyalty and friendship evryone shows to one another , the raincoat brigade proberly find that dificult to deal with , there is more respect shown on SH than many other forums i have visited.
PS Corriefem , got the nipple clamps.......what next
Andy
Good post , from my time on this site i have been impressed by the kindness loyalty and friendship evryone shows to one another , the raincoat brigade proberly find that dificult to deal with , there is more respect shown on SH than many other forums i have visited.
PS Corriefem , got the nipple clamps.......what next
Andy
For his birthday Little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle.
His father said, "Son, we´d give you one, but the mortgage on this house is £180,000 and your mother just lost her job.
There´s no way we can afford it."
The next day the father saw Little Patrick heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?"
Little Patrick told him, "I was walking past your room last
night and I heard you tell mum you were pulling out.
Then I heard her tell you to "wait because she was coming too".
And I´ll be damned if I´m staying here by myself with an £180,000 mortgage and no
f ** king bike!"
His father said, "Son, we´d give you one, but the mortgage on this house is £180,000 and your mother just lost her job.
There´s no way we can afford it."
The next day the father saw Little Patrick heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?"
Little Patrick told him, "I was walking past your room last
night and I heard you tell mum you were pulling out.
Then I heard her tell you to "wait because she was coming too".
And I´ll be damned if I´m staying here by myself with an £180,000 mortgage and no
f ** king bike!"
Hiya Helen
Sorry you feel down , lets face it it happens to all of us from time to time the only thing i can suggest is laughther , so tommorow go down to your local video store and rent Fawlty Towers buy a box of chocolates and laugh and maybe tommorow will be better
Take care , and keep smiling
Andy
Sorry you feel down , lets face it it happens to all of us from time to time the only thing i can suggest is laughther , so tommorow go down to your local video store and rent Fawlty Towers buy a box of chocolates and laugh and maybe tommorow will be better
Take care , and keep smiling
Andy
Historical Facts from American 5th and 6th Graders...........Classic
> The following is allegedly a compilation from
> answers on various 5th and 6th
> grade tests , some real historical gems here.]
> ------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> Ancient Egypt was old. It was inhabited by gypsies
> and mummies who all
> wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah
> Dessert. The climate of
> the Sarah is such that all the inhabitants have to
> live elsewhere.
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where
> they made unleavened
> bread, which is bread made without any ingredients.
> Moses went up on
> Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandos. He died
> before he ever reached
> Canada but his commandos made it.
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred
> porcupines. He was an
> actual hysterical figure as well as being in the
> bible. It sounds like he
> was sort of busy too.
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and
> without them we wouldn´t
> have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a
> young female moth.
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> Socrates was a famous old Greek teacher who went
> around giving people
> advice. They killed him. He later died from an
> overdose of wedlock which
> is apparently poisonous. After his death, his career
> suffered a dramatic
> decline.
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> In the first Olympic games, Greeks ran races,
> jumped, hurled biscuits,
> and threw the java. The games were messier then than
> they show on TV now.
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the
> battlefields of Gaul. The Ides
> Of March murdered him because they thought he was
> going to be made king.
> Dying, he gasped out, "Same to you, Brutus."
> ------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized
> by Bernard Shaw for
> reasons I don´t really understand. The English and
> French still have
> problems.
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen". As a queen
> she was a success.
> When she exposed herself before her troops they all
> shouted "hurrah!"
> and that was the end of the fighting for a long
> while.
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> It was an age of great inventions and discoveries.
> Gutenberg invented
> removable type and the Bible. Another important
> invention was the
> circulation of blood.
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he
> invented cigarettes
> and started smoking.
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100
> foot clipper which was
> very dangerous to all his men.
> ------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William
> Shakespeare. He was
> born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday.
> He never made much
> money and is famous only because of his plays. He
> wrote tragedies,
> comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic
> pentameter.
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel
> Cervantes. He wrote
> Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton.
> Milton wrote
> Paradise Lost. Since then no one ever found it.
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> Delegates from the original 13 states formed the
> Contented Congress.
> Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin
> were two singers of
> the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered
> electricity by
> rubbing two cats backward and also declared, "A
> horse divided against
> itself cannot stand." He was a naturalist. Franklin
> died in 1790 and
> is still dead.
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> Abraham Lincoln became America´s greatest Precedent.
> Lincoln´s mother
> died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin
> which he built with his
> own hands.. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by
> signing the Emasculation
> Proclamation.
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the
> theater and got
> shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving
> picture show. They
> believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a
> supposingly insane actor.
> This ruined Booth´s career.
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions
> and had a large
> number of children. In between he practiced on an
> old spinster which he
> kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the
> present. Bach was the
> most famous composer in the world and so was Handel.
> Handel was half
> German, half Italian, and half English. He was very
> large.
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> Bethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was
> so deaf that he
> wrote loud music and became the father of rock and
> roll. He took long
> walks in the forest even when everyone was calling
> for him. Beethoven
> expired in 1827 and later died for this.
> The following is allegedly a compilation from
> answers on various 5th and 6th
> grade tests , some real historical gems here.]
> ------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> Ancient Egypt was old. It was inhabited by gypsies
> and mummies who all
> wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah
> Dessert. The climate of
> the Sarah is such that all the inhabitants have to
> live elsewhere.
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where
> they made unleavened
> bread, which is bread made without any ingredients.
> Moses went up on
> Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandos. He died
> before he ever reached
> Canada but his commandos made it.
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred
> porcupines. He was an
> actual hysterical figure as well as being in the
> bible. It sounds like he
> was sort of busy too.
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and
> without them we wouldn´t
> have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a
> young female moth.
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> Socrates was a famous old Greek teacher who went
> around giving people
> advice. They killed him. He later died from an
> overdose of wedlock which
> is apparently poisonous. After his death, his career
> suffered a dramatic
> decline.
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> In the first Olympic games, Greeks ran races,
> jumped, hurled biscuits,
> and threw the java. The games were messier then than
> they show on TV now.
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the
> battlefields of Gaul. The Ides
> Of March murdered him because they thought he was
> going to be made king.
> Dying, he gasped out, "Same to you, Brutus."
> ------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized
> by Bernard Shaw for
> reasons I don´t really understand. The English and
> French still have
> problems.
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen". As a queen
> she was a success.
> When she exposed herself before her troops they all
> shouted "hurrah!"
> and that was the end of the fighting for a long
> while.
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> It was an age of great inventions and discoveries.
> Gutenberg invented
> removable type and the Bible. Another important
> invention was the
> circulation of blood.
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he
> invented cigarettes
> and started smoking.
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100
> foot clipper which was
> very dangerous to all his men.
> ------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William
> Shakespeare. He was
> born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday.
> He never made much
> money and is famous only because of his plays. He
> wrote tragedies,
> comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic
> pentameter.
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel
> Cervantes. He wrote
> Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton.
> Milton wrote
> Paradise Lost. Since then no one ever found it.
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> Delegates from the original 13 states formed the
> Contented Congress.
> Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin
> were two singers of
> the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered
> electricity by
> rubbing two cats backward and also declared, "A
> horse divided against
> itself cannot stand." He was a naturalist. Franklin
> died in 1790 and
> is still dead.
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> Abraham Lincoln became America´s greatest Precedent.
> Lincoln´s mother
> died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin
> which he built with his
> own hands.. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by
> signing the Emasculation
> Proclamation.
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the
> theater and got
> shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving
> picture show. They
> believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a
> supposingly insane actor.
> This ruined Booth´s career.
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions
> and had a large
> number of children. In between he practiced on an
> old spinster which he
> kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the
> present. Bach was the
> most famous composer in the world and so was Handel.
> Handel was half
> German, half Italian, and half English. He was very
> large.
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> Bethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was
> so deaf that he
> wrote loud music and became the father of rock and
> roll. He took long
> walks in the forest even when everyone was calling
> for him. Beethoven
> expired in 1827 and later died for this.
I´ve suspected for some time now that my wife has been having an affair.
The usual signs. Phone rings, I answer, someone hangs up. She started
going out ´with the girls´ a lot recently although when I ask which
girls it is always "Just some friends from work, you don´t know them". I
always look out for her taxi coming home but she always walks down the
drive although I can hear a car setting off. As if she has got out of
the car round the corner. Why? Is it not a taxi?
I once picked her mobile up just to see what time it was and she went
berserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why
was I checking up on her.
Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife, but last night
she went out again and I decided to check on her.
I decided I was going to hide behind my car which would give me a view
of the whole street so I could see which car she gets out of. It was whilst
crouched behind my car that I noticed rust around my rear wheel arch.
Should I take it into a body repair shop or should I buy some stuff from
Mica and try to repair it myself?
Help please,
The usual signs. Phone rings, I answer, someone hangs up. She started
going out ´with the girls´ a lot recently although when I ask which
girls it is always "Just some friends from work, you don´t know them". I
always look out for her taxi coming home but she always walks down the
drive although I can hear a car setting off. As if she has got out of
the car round the corner. Why? Is it not a taxi?
I once picked her mobile up just to see what time it was and she went
berserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why
was I checking up on her.
Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife, but last night
she went out again and I decided to check on her.
I decided I was going to hide behind my car which would give me a view
of the whole street so I could see which car she gets out of. It was whilst
crouched behind my car that I noticed rust around my rear wheel arch.
Should I take it into a body repair shop or should I buy some stuff from
Mica and try to repair it myself?
Help please,
A couple were on their honeymoon, lying in bed, ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, “I have a confession to make, I’m not a virgin.”
The husband replies, “That’s no big thing in this day and age.”
The wife continues, “Yeah, I’ve been with one guy.”
“Oh yeah? Who was the guy?”
“Tiger Woods.”
“Tiger Woods the golfer?”
“Yeah.”
“Well he’s rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him.”
The husband and wife then make passionate love. When they finish, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.
“What are you doing?” asks his wife.
The husband says, “I’m hungry, I was going to call room service and get some food.”
“Tiger wouldn’t do that!” she claims.
“Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?”
“He’d come back to bed and do it a second time.”
The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love with his wife a second time. When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone.
“What are you doing?” she asks.
The husband says, “I’m still hungry so I was going to call room service to get some food.”
“Tiger wouldn’t do that,” again she claims.
“Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?”
“He’d come back to bed and do it a third time.”
The guy slams down the phone and goes back to bed and makes love to his wife a third time. When they finish he’s tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.
The wife asks, “Are you calling room service?”
“No! I’m calling Tiger Woods to find out what’s par for this damn hole!
The husband replies, “That’s no big thing in this day and age.”
The wife continues, “Yeah, I’ve been with one guy.”
“Oh yeah? Who was the guy?”
“Tiger Woods.”
“Tiger Woods the golfer?”
“Yeah.”
“Well he’s rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him.”
The husband and wife then make passionate love. When they finish, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.
“What are you doing?” asks his wife.
The husband says, “I’m hungry, I was going to call room service and get some food.”
“Tiger wouldn’t do that!” she claims.
“Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?”
“He’d come back to bed and do it a second time.”
The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love with his wife a second time. When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone.
“What are you doing?” she asks.
The husband says, “I’m still hungry so I was going to call room service to get some food.”
“Tiger wouldn’t do that,” again she claims.
“Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?”
“He’d come back to bed and do it a third time.”
The guy slams down the phone and goes back to bed and makes love to his wife a third time. When they finish he’s tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.
The wife asks, “Are you calling room service?”
“No! I’m calling Tiger Woods to find out what’s par for this damn hole!
