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DJohn
Over 90 days ago
Straight Male, 56
0 miles · Tyne and Wear
Forum
Sex God
I've met a few of the people at work - my plans of sneaking in under cover of night and locking myself in the stationary cupboard all day didn't quite work.
But there's one important difference. I didn't know you, Will, Kit, or Kat before I joined SH. I'm very glad that I do now.
But there's one important difference. I didn't know you, Will, Kit, or Kat before I joined SH. I'm very glad that I do now.
Sex God
Quote by KitKat
Oh and DJohn, when you have finished rubbing moisturiser into Sappho's thighs, my feet are in need of a massage. Get the peppermint oil ready!
You're in luck, Kit. Sappho seems to have fainted from an excess of pleasure (that's the only explanation I can think of for her current silence).
So then... are your feet ready? Lie down, put them on my lap, and close your eyes. Relax.
You do realise you're going to have to do mine after this. Or if the thought of my feet is too horrific, perhaps there's something else you can do.
Sex God
Quote by Moist
I must quickly say though that some boys ( wearing burberry baseball caps in a nova GTE) will put on any old pipe to make it as loud as possible then get a stereo that they can hear over the racket....
Those boys do get about a bit. I thought they were from around here, but now you tell me they've been spotted in Essex. I wonder where they're from, and if their parents know where they are.
Sex God
Quote by Sappho
Sarge, my angel, Will has gone shopping and so I have no one to massage moisturiser into my thighs - be a love and oblige me, would you?
This is what I get for going out and pretending I have a life! You wait until the moment I've gone and then provide the PERFECT opportunity for me to shove Sarge out of the way (sorry Sarge) and get myself up to my elbows in moisturiser.
But since your desperate plea seems to have gone unanswered, maybe there's still a chance for me. Legs apart, Sappho. This won't hurt a bit.
Sex God
Ask anyone about an anorak's art. Watch wondering while wise word-wrights weave wit. Trust them to tie tantalising tidings together.
Sorry, couldn't resist. (and if I'd been a bit quicker about it, it might have been more obvious that it's in response to the end of tallnhairy's post)
Sorry, couldn't resist. (and if I'd been a bit quicker about it, it might have been more obvious that it's in response to the end of tallnhairy's post)
Sex God
I got one of those little cards from a parcel delivery company saying "We tried to deliver something, but you weren't at home". They hadn't ticked the "we'll try again tomorrow" box, so the next day I got a taxi out to the godforsaken industrial estate to pick it up. The parcel was on the truck, failing to be delivered again. One 20 pound taxi fare wasted.
A friend in the US is having a bit of a financial crisis, so I thought I'd send some money to help out. I've got dollar bank drafts before - the bank sorts it all out while I wait. But not any more. This time I had to go to Thomas Cook (who have a little branch in the bank). They have to order it, and it's supposed to arrive by registered mail, guaranteed by noon the next day. Of course it didn't. (on the positive side, the woman did offer to drop it off at work when it did arrive)
And then there was tonight. There was an announcement this morning that the Metro would stop running at 7pm due to industrial action. I made sure I left work at 6pm. They're stopped at 5:30. I walked home.
I am not a happy bunny.
A friend in the US is having a bit of a financial crisis, so I thought I'd send some money to help out. I've got dollar bank drafts before - the bank sorts it all out while I wait. But not any more. This time I had to go to Thomas Cook (who have a little branch in the bank). They have to order it, and it's supposed to arrive by registered mail, guaranteed by noon the next day. Of course it didn't. (on the positive side, the woman did offer to drop it off at work when it did arrive)
And then there was tonight. There was an announcement this morning that the Metro would stop running at 7pm due to industrial action. I made sure I left work at 6pm. They're stopped at 5:30. I walked home.
I am not a happy bunny.
Sex God
Thirty something? Yes. Chronic singleness? Yes. Happy with life? Very. Fed up with people trying to give me kids and holidays in Spain? No. Even my parents have given up on me (I think they're secretly happy that they'll never have grandchildren). I love being able to vanish for a weekend (or a week) and not tell anyone. I love being completely irresponsible with my money, and not have to come home to glares and waving credit card bills. I like being single.
Quicky changing subject: Why do men chase and then run away? I don't know what his reasons are (I was worried you were talking about me for a moment), but I have a tiny bit of insight into the male mind. Flirting is fun. Chasing is fun. It's more fun if you know that you'll never catch them - you get to say all the things you'd never dare say if there was a chance your bluff would be called.
I enjoy it too, but I try not to make promises that I'm not prepared to keep. That's why there's a rabbit costume in my bedroom.
Quicky changing subject: Why do men chase and then run away? I don't know what his reasons are (I was worried you were talking about me for a moment), but I have a tiny bit of insight into the male mind. Flirting is fun. Chasing is fun. It's more fun if you know that you'll never catch them - you get to say all the things you'd never dare say if there was a chance your bluff would be called.
I enjoy it too, but I try not to make promises that I'm not prepared to keep. That's why there's a rabbit costume in my bedroom.
Sex God
Quote by niceguysdoexist
If the ladies need something to do with their hands or mouths ...then I want you to know I am here for you ...
I mean to email or phone silly.
Should we set up the Swinging Heaven Former Smokers' Phone Distraction Line? Brave volunteers who are willing to provide some distraction when it's most needed.
Sex God
Unfortunately, shagging (however earth-shaking it might feel) doesn't leave much of a record. You have to wait for some kind of literary tradition to appear.
The Egyptians had some pretty saucy creation myths, didn't they?
My own entirely unprovable theory is that anything that you can think of was done as far back as people were capable of doing it.
The Egyptians had some pretty saucy creation myths, didn't they?
My own entirely unprovable theory is that anything that you can think of was done as far back as people were capable of doing it.
:spit: 
