And Hornyred`s got her horny head on too which is always a good thing :P :P
ps,, Be-good, drop us a line mate,
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Dino
Over 90 days ago
Bisexual Male, 56
0 miles · Greater Manchester
Forum
H`red,, dino, do you want pizza ?
Dino,, that`d be nice, yes please
H`red,, you sit down hun, i`ll warm it thru for you,
Dino,, thanks babe.
Pizza arrives :P , i cut the pizza and begin to eat it.
It tastes fine, then,,,,,,,it begins to tastes odd,,,,,,then it tastes f**kin orrible! !
I lift up the base only to see,,,,,,,a melted mass of plastic packaging welded to the pizza base :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:
So instead,,,,,,I made myself a sandwich
Dino,, that`d be nice, yes please
H`red,, you sit down hun, i`ll warm it thru for you,
Dino,, thanks babe.
Pizza arrives :P , i cut the pizza and begin to eat it.
It tastes fine, then,,,,,,,it begins to tastes odd,,,,,,then it tastes f**kin orrible! !
I lift up the base only to see,,,,,,,a melted mass of plastic packaging welded to the pizza base :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:
So instead,,,,,,I made myself a sandwich
Quote by bluexxx
What makes a man attractive? I know facial symmetry is an element, but in all honesty what part do different features play in peoples minds? For example,
* Eyes
* Humour
* Bum
* Hair
Nice cock and a 6-pack :twisted: .
OK, so I'm shallow. Deal with it
Now this is the sort of answer id normally expect from h`red
Quote by HornyRed
Anyone got what some people might think an "unusal" fetish?
I love to be facesat by women after they have been at work all day,or maybe when they have been out for the know how i got into it but it doesnt half turn me on!DOH!!!
Dino loves this too :shock: :shock: (dont tell him, ive told you all ) :gagged: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:
So,,, we`re playing the name and shame game now are we darling,,well,,,
you know that stuff?,
its a kids sweet,
it crackles n pops when it gets wet on your tongue,
i think its called "space dust",
well,,,,,,
Guess where Hornyred likes it sprinkled
Im so dead now
Quote by KitOn a roof
On the roof a guest house in Portsmouth whilst every one else was out - or so we thought. Afterwards we realised that the roof was very overlooked by the top flats opposite
??, what, a propper slate roof :shockHow the hell did you manage not to slide off :shock:
Ahh, i see, your not called Kit n Kat for nothing are you !
I used to live on a narrowboat so ive had a few slightly unusual places, canal bank, roof of the boat and over a lock gate beam. I once had sex in the boat whilst it was going thru Harecastle tunnel(1.5 miles long)it took about an hour to get thru, so whilst my mate was driving, me and lil lady went inside, did the deed and he was none the wiser and thought we we`re getting tea ready :P
These were pre Hornyred days sadly and ive never been able to show her the true joys of boating :rascal: :rascal: :rascal:
These were pre Hornyred days sadly and ive never been able to show her the true joys of boating :rascal: :rascal: :rascal:
once again sorry :cry: Ive had to send hornyred out to the shops to get herself lots of slutty wear and told her to act as slutishly as possible whilst out, to make up for her devistation at missing the party .
Shes not in the best of moods about all this :scared: :scared: :scared: :fuckinghell:
Shes not in the best of moods about all this :scared: :scared: :scared: :fuckinghell:
) And only just got back online. H`red is sorry (and livid After reading Dave notts" holiday joy" post last week it reminded me of our little holiday from hell ! !
All this is true, i swear!
I lay awake one night, thinking how I could give Horny-Red a romantic weekend. It then struck me, a three night break on a ship, cruising around the fiords of Scandinavia. The crisp, cold nights, holding her in my arms and smelling her hair as we sail through the night. The sight of Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet flashed through my mind……..then I thought……hang fecker sank. I tried to think of another romantic film that involved ships…..but only came up with the “Battle of the River Plateâ€â€¦..so I gave up.
The day arrived and we boarded the ship at Hull. Very nice we thought. The ship was decked out with everything we could wish for. Nothing could go wrong and we settled down to be spoilt by the ship’s crew. We were as happy as pigs in shit.
On the first evening we reached the coast of Scandinavia. I say Scandinavia as I didn’t know which coast we were off……either Denmark, Norway or Sweden. We stopped at a port in the evening. It was about 10 o’clock at night and I thought
“I wonder why we are stopping here?â€
Horny-Red knew why we had stopped “It’s a late night shopping trip?â€
A late night shopping trip? At 10 o’clock at night? “Are you sure Darling†I said.
“Dino……trust me. A woman knows these thingsâ€
So I trusted her. This was my first mistake. We headed for the whatever the nautical term is. We reached it and joined the throng of people waiting to depart. At this point, I noticed that our attire of t-shirt and trousers, for me, and short skirt and top for Horny-Red did not match the rest of the passengers. They were wearing big parkas and fluffy boots. They looked like they were heading out for an expedition with Captain Scott. The only thing missing was the dogs and sleds. I pointed this out to Horny-Red. “Don’t be a wuss†she said. So off we went, down the gang-plank, dressed to go to the Caribbean but heading off into a Scandinavian village at 10:15 at night with the temperature plummeting faster than a prostitutes knickers.
We followed the crowd for about 15 minutes, with us two bringing up the rear and starting to shiver. At this point, we reached a street with loads of houses either side. The crowd started to break go into the houses. This took about two minutes until we were left alone in the street. I turned to Hory-Red and said “I thought you said they were going shopping?â€
“How should I have known†she replied. It now dawned on us that we had just followed the crew to their homes. So she looked at me, smiled and said “We had better get back to the boat you I knew it; I was to get the blame. We set off at fast pace, one-to get back to the ship and two-so we didn’t freeze.
We reached the dock to see………………………..feck all. Pitch black and no boat. I turned to H-R and said “There is no boatâ€. She replied “No shit Sherlock. Even a blind man would notice 20,000 ton of metal missingâ€. I started to feel that she thought this was my idea.
In desperation we started to head back into town. The cold had started to take its toll. We were both chattering and shivering. I was thinking what we should do. I didnt know what country we were in, where our ship was or was heading or even the ships name ! One possibility was to knock on the door of a house. But salvation came into view…..a clapped out Volvo with some guy in it. I jumped into the middle of the road and waved my hands. Did you know that snow, ice and cars travelling at 30 mph do not equate to a small stopping distance. He came to a side spinning stop, and jumped out screaming in a language I couldn’t quite work out. So I said what any other Englishman says when abroad, “Sorryâ€. At this he looks at me a bit differently, and notices that we have barely any clothes on and H-Rs tears, that had started running down her face because of the cold, have now turned to icicles. He approached me and started to ask me what was up. I explained as best I could and his face crumpled up and he nearly fell over with laughter. H-R did not think it was funny.
He asked “Where are you heading to?â€
“I do not know†I replied.
“Do you know where you are?â€
“I have no idea†I said.
“Do you know what the name of the ship is?â€
“Ermm I think it had Viking somewhere in the nameâ€.
At this, his face lit up and he said come with me. We both jumped in and headed off in a flurry of snow. We raced across the snow and ice roads at a speed that Jenson Button would be proud of. H-R did not like this part. I could tell by the way her eyes were shut tightly. We finally arrived at the next fiord where there was another port. We got out and the Volvo man took us to a hover-craft. He took us on board and introduced us to the captain. Volvo man explained to the captain what had happened. Once again, Volvo man and the captain pissed themselves laughing. H-R was like Queen Victoria, she was not amused. The captain got on the radio and started contacting the local shipping. After 5 minutes he managed to find our ship. We said farewell to Volvo man and we set off.
Shooting across the sea in a hovercraft is supposed to be an exhilarating experience. It was a pity it was nothing like that. We went up and down, then up and down, then our stomachs went up and down and queasiness set in. It took all our ability to keep our stomachs on the inside. I then noticed a sign behind the captain. It said that the trip cost £150. My arse fell out. I turned to H-R and told her what I had seen. She was took two seconds of composure and then the floodgates opened. This just couldn’t get any worse. An hour later we arrived at a dock in another part of Scandinavia. I turned to the captain and explained that we did not have that much money on us. If he came back to the ship we could give him the money. He smiled and said he has never had such a laugh in his life and could not take the money off us. He bid us farewell and we left.
We walked down the dock looking for our ship. We see it at the end……but the crew have just unhooked the ropes and it is pulling away.
“Noooooooooooooooooooooooo†I scream as I run down the dock with H-R trying as best as she could to keep up. I reach the end of the dock a completely broken man. Kneeling on the ground I see the ship slowly moving away. A dock worker comes up and asks “What is the matter?â€
I said “That is our ship and it is goingâ€.
“It is ok,†he said. “They are just moving it to allow other ships to dockâ€.
“Oh thank feck for thatâ€, I shouted.
H-R and I managed to get on board. We went to our cabin and collapsed. What a fecking night!!!
H-R wouldn’t let us go on any excursions over the next couple of days. She said “We don’t want to be stranded again after the last time you took us ashoreâ€. I knew I would get the blame
All this is true, i swear!
I lay awake one night, thinking how I could give Horny-Red a romantic weekend. It then struck me, a three night break on a ship, cruising around the fiords of Scandinavia. The crisp, cold nights, holding her in my arms and smelling her hair as we sail through the night. The sight of Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet flashed through my mind……..then I thought……hang fecker sank. I tried to think of another romantic film that involved ships…..but only came up with the “Battle of the River Plateâ€â€¦..so I gave up.
The day arrived and we boarded the ship at Hull. Very nice we thought. The ship was decked out with everything we could wish for. Nothing could go wrong and we settled down to be spoilt by the ship’s crew. We were as happy as pigs in shit.
On the first evening we reached the coast of Scandinavia. I say Scandinavia as I didn’t know which coast we were off……either Denmark, Norway or Sweden. We stopped at a port in the evening. It was about 10 o’clock at night and I thought
“I wonder why we are stopping here?â€
Horny-Red knew why we had stopped “It’s a late night shopping trip?â€
A late night shopping trip? At 10 o’clock at night? “Are you sure Darling†I said.
“Dino……trust me. A woman knows these thingsâ€
So I trusted her. This was my first mistake. We headed for the whatever the nautical term is. We reached it and joined the throng of people waiting to depart. At this point, I noticed that our attire of t-shirt and trousers, for me, and short skirt and top for Horny-Red did not match the rest of the passengers. They were wearing big parkas and fluffy boots. They looked like they were heading out for an expedition with Captain Scott. The only thing missing was the dogs and sleds. I pointed this out to Horny-Red. “Don’t be a wuss†she said. So off we went, down the gang-plank, dressed to go to the Caribbean but heading off into a Scandinavian village at 10:15 at night with the temperature plummeting faster than a prostitutes knickers.
We followed the crowd for about 15 minutes, with us two bringing up the rear and starting to shiver. At this point, we reached a street with loads of houses either side. The crowd started to break go into the houses. This took about two minutes until we were left alone in the street. I turned to Hory-Red and said “I thought you said they were going shopping?â€
“How should I have known†she replied. It now dawned on us that we had just followed the crew to their homes. So she looked at me, smiled and said “We had better get back to the boat you I knew it; I was to get the blame. We set off at fast pace, one-to get back to the ship and two-so we didn’t freeze.
We reached the dock to see………………………..feck all. Pitch black and no boat. I turned to H-R and said “There is no boatâ€. She replied “No shit Sherlock. Even a blind man would notice 20,000 ton of metal missingâ€. I started to feel that she thought this was my idea.
In desperation we started to head back into town. The cold had started to take its toll. We were both chattering and shivering. I was thinking what we should do. I didnt know what country we were in, where our ship was or was heading or even the ships name ! One possibility was to knock on the door of a house. But salvation came into view…..a clapped out Volvo with some guy in it. I jumped into the middle of the road and waved my hands. Did you know that snow, ice and cars travelling at 30 mph do not equate to a small stopping distance. He came to a side spinning stop, and jumped out screaming in a language I couldn’t quite work out. So I said what any other Englishman says when abroad, “Sorryâ€. At this he looks at me a bit differently, and notices that we have barely any clothes on and H-Rs tears, that had started running down her face because of the cold, have now turned to icicles. He approached me and started to ask me what was up. I explained as best I could and his face crumpled up and he nearly fell over with laughter. H-R did not think it was funny.
He asked “Where are you heading to?â€
“I do not know†I replied.
“Do you know where you are?â€
“I have no idea†I said.
“Do you know what the name of the ship is?â€
“Ermm I think it had Viking somewhere in the nameâ€.
At this, his face lit up and he said come with me. We both jumped in and headed off in a flurry of snow. We raced across the snow and ice roads at a speed that Jenson Button would be proud of. H-R did not like this part. I could tell by the way her eyes were shut tightly. We finally arrived at the next fiord where there was another port. We got out and the Volvo man took us to a hover-craft. He took us on board and introduced us to the captain. Volvo man explained to the captain what had happened. Once again, Volvo man and the captain pissed themselves laughing. H-R was like Queen Victoria, she was not amused. The captain got on the radio and started contacting the local shipping. After 5 minutes he managed to find our ship. We said farewell to Volvo man and we set off.
Shooting across the sea in a hovercraft is supposed to be an exhilarating experience. It was a pity it was nothing like that. We went up and down, then up and down, then our stomachs went up and down and queasiness set in. It took all our ability to keep our stomachs on the inside. I then noticed a sign behind the captain. It said that the trip cost £150. My arse fell out. I turned to H-R and told her what I had seen. She was took two seconds of composure and then the floodgates opened. This just couldn’t get any worse. An hour later we arrived at a dock in another part of Scandinavia. I turned to the captain and explained that we did not have that much money on us. If he came back to the ship we could give him the money. He smiled and said he has never had such a laugh in his life and could not take the money off us. He bid us farewell and we left.
We walked down the dock looking for our ship. We see it at the end……but the crew have just unhooked the ropes and it is pulling away.
“Noooooooooooooooooooooooo†I scream as I run down the dock with H-R trying as best as she could to keep up. I reach the end of the dock a completely broken man. Kneeling on the ground I see the ship slowly moving away. A dock worker comes up and asks “What is the matter?â€
I said “That is our ship and it is goingâ€.
“It is ok,†he said. “They are just moving it to allow other ships to dockâ€.
“Oh thank feck for thatâ€, I shouted.
H-R and I managed to get on board. We went to our cabin and collapsed. What a fecking night!!!
H-R wouldn’t let us go on any excursions over the next couple of days. She said “We don’t want to be stranded again after the last time you took us ashoreâ€. I knew I would get the blame
Lived on a narrowboat for six years and owned "steel" boats for ages, never a cruiser tho. Make sure its got a certificate of compliance (M.O.T for boats) . Is the boat your looking at in dry dock?, (easier to check the hull in dock) if you have any questions , pm me and i`ll try n answer em
Quote by lucyweebaps
Lucy, please could me and dino put our names down. thx H, red :bounce: :bounce:
Very addictive these munches :shock:
Yay ! But is Dino up for joining the English Skirt Brigade? There's going to be a gang of Sassenachs in Kilts....
Too bloody right im up for it,you take the high road n i`ll take the low,
Dino hon I'll take the low road afore ye
lucy hun, will you help me with my sporran , im not sure what to do with it
Quote by postie
Lucy, please could me and dino put our names down. thx H, red :bounce: :bounce:
Very addictive these munches :shock:
Yay ! But is Dino up for joining the English Skirt Brigade? There's going to be a gang of Sassenachs in Kilts....
Too bloody right im up for it,you take the high road n i`ll take the low,
Quote by dambuster
Burton on Trent - we came, we drank we munched
An excellent night.
Even running out of John Smith's :shock: didn't matter. And the new barmaid did very well. Could she have been any more cute?
To those that put up with me wobblin, letchin, pervin and the occasional snog and squeeze - Thank you.
To those that didn't - I'll get ya next time :twisted:
Good to see everybody again, and to see newer members settling in.
You are ALL wonderful people
Many, many thanks to MM and Marcuso. Get cracking on the next one ! !
db
Munch Whore.
Wouldnt want you any other way
Quote by Lindaxxx
For some weird reason Hornyred has recently began to call me "babycakes"
P,S , Please dont start calling me babycakes on here, im already being called Dildo by some(you know who you are)
I call my son babycakes, dont worry Dino, means your cute
LindaxxxThats all well and good if your a son, daughter, baby, child, or even a cake but im fourty flookin three
