HornyLittleBlonde's Forum Posts | Swinging Heaven

Join the most popular community of UK swingers now

HornyLittleBlonde

Over 90 days ago

Straight Female, 51

•

Straight Female, 66

0 miles · Derbyshire

Profile Friends

Groups Meets Parties Stories

Forum

29 Dec 2005

Quote by davej

Where did the duck come into it?
You don't half talk some rubbish

Keep up HLB, the duck came from the eggs that were in you pocket but then took out cos its dangerous to sit down with em in there.......
:doh: ...sheesh some people.
Esantos the duck is special, its from a duck rescue centre that took in the eggs that were in HLB's pocket and was mistreated once hatched, by being placed in a pen down wind of people pissin. Weve called it Tiddles, not common for a duck, but appropriate in the circumstances.
You really are a nutter loon

loon

29 Dec 2005

Hello and :welcome: to :swingingchair: heaven
Hope you enjoy it here. :thumbup:
Now for the advice part.......
That is possibly the worstpost I've ever read in here. It reaks of pure selfishness, unthoughfulness and is based on lies and deceit.
I think you ought to keep that where it belongs "as a fantasy"
If someone had thought about doing that to me they'd get a drink thown in their face, food poured over their head and that would be the last they ever saw of me.
Sorry, but you did ask rolleyes

rolleyes

29 Dec 2005

Quote by Darkfire
Sorry I couldn't make it!!
Sounds like quite a party but what else would anyone expect from a Marcuso party!
Darkfire - I want to here all about the "short burning ceremony" :giggle:

oh, you mean the bit where Marcuso got carried off caveman style by most of the lovely men there.....had the shorts removed by force and ended up wearing a bin bag fashioned into something to preserve his modesty :shock: :shock: - at which point people were looking for a lighter, in the room, and were going to burn them there and then! lol

lol

someone had the bright idea :idea: that maybe we should actually do the burning outside though cos of the fire alarms lol

lol

- cue lots of people herding downstairs and outside , the Tongue being the sensible one and found a broom handle onto which the already burning shorts were hoisted and held aloft triumphantly to cheers and whistles from the baying crowd rotflmao

rotflmao

rotflmao

(I dont actually know who had the 'first light', but wouldnt name names anyway if I did!! wink

wink

)
There were cameras flashing so I'm sure someone will follow this with a photo of this jubilant occasion! wink

wink

wink

Finally, someone produced a fire extinguisher (alexDJ??) and Marcuso came out all hero-like proceeded to spray anyone in the immediate vicinity of the little burning bundle with it in a doomed effort to save the shorts while screaming 'Ya Bastards'!!! ! rolleyes

rolleyes

rolleyes

lol

As most other folk went back inside, and Marcuso got the Kleenex out, one of the barstaff came down with a can of airfreshner :shock: mumbling ' feckin hell that stinks' and spraying Jasmine & Magnolia in the carpark! rotflmao

rotflmao

rotflmao

One more question......
You mentioned using a bin bag or something to protect Marcuso's modesty?
Marcuso has some modesty?

29 Dec 2005

Quote by esantos
you're right mind on other things...
You must be happy with your duck to give it some special favours is it close to you?

:laughabove: :laughabove:

29 Dec 2005

Quote by davej
all noted!!! Don't be into the wind is another!!

I'm guessing thats a typo esantos and your right ,pissin into the wind isnt a good idea, but niether is pissin all over my duck, he might be shit at yodelling, but thats no reason to piss on him. So its not just pissin into the wind, its also.......avoid the duck :smug:
Where did the duck come into it? dunno

dunno

You don't half talk some rubbish bolt

bolt

29 Dec 2005

Quote by raunchyrabbits
Because you said that's your "sexual preference" - if no bisexual activity is going to take place, why does it matter if the guy is bisexual or not? What if he lied and said he was straight, would that be okay? I didn't mean that your post in particular was annoying, I meant that it's something I often see written and it often comes across as a misconception. To use an analogy, if I said I was a tea drinker but you don't serve tea in your house, it shouldn't stop me being able to come to your house for coffee!

It reminds me of the classic scenario in the vanilla world.
I'd go out with a gay guy on a night out whose a really good mate and other guys would say "just keep him away from me"
Yeah like because he's gay he's gonna want to jump on every straight guy in the pub.
I'd always respond "don't flatter yourself"

29 Dec 2005

Quote by freckledbird
You speak of a girlfriend in one post:
Hi any tips how any couples decieded about thier first 3 sum , i have always wanted my girlfriend to enjoy mm and possibly a girl to join us
thanks P.

Then mention being married in another:

Quote by nudepaul
Thanks to all who have replied , i think i will get a good dvd film with a 3 sum in it and watch it with Susan , and broached the subject , i have had a few 3 sums many years ago but since being married i would love to have another one or two
i find them a real turn on , as i say its amatter of being in the right situation if any ladies read this or couples may i have your thoughts

Maybe if you told your girlfriend/wife that you're seeking a threesome anyway, she'd let you know whether or not she's interested?

Quote by nudepaul in Let's Meet Up
Hi any couples fancy a naughty afternoon of fun
well up for a 3 sum if you fancy it attractive male 47 non smoker disctrete
and clean non pushy and easy to get on with
hoping to hear from you cheers P.

Maybe he has a wife and a girlfriend dunno

dunno

29 Dec 2005

Quote by Bi-Guy-Notts
Got my pin at the Scottish munch thanks sarah xxxxxxxxxx
I got asked what it was for the other day at a buisness meeting
I nearly had heart failure
Told them it was a local charity badge
Well i feel like a charity case lol
Siymathy shag anyone ?
Bi-Guy-Notts

I thought the charity thing was a great cover - until my mum wanted one :shock:
she's still upset that she can't find it in the local Marks & Spencers :giggle:
Crap excuse for a sympathy shag though smackbottom

smackbottom

29 Dec 2005

Quote by Fun Scottish Couple
Actually this is a popular misconception that annoys me. I often read swinger profiles where a couple writes something like " is straight therefore no bi males"...
WTF? Being bisexual doesn't mean you have to have sex with every member of the same sex you come into contact with! We can play straight just as easily as straight people do!
Although, give me a bi threesome over a straight one any day....
Back on topic, Miss Rabbit is unfortunately tucked up in bed with a cold right now but if she was here she'd say bi guys definitely turn her on, in fact it's her favourite thing.

Can i ask why its a misconception and why it annoys you, i thought it was all about peoples own choices and preferences, i think those comments are a bit harsh because someone dosen't have the same opinion as yourself, and like you said you'd have a bi threesome anyday over a straight one, well thats your choice so why does it annoy you when i say i preferer a straight one?
I think what they're trying to say is just because a partner is bi, they can still respect the boundaries of others and play with a couple who are straight.
dunno

dunno

29 Dec 2005

Don't sit down with eggs in your pocket (stolen from Carrieann)

29 Dec 2005

Go to your account and click on the forum profile.
If you've already loaded a pic then just click on it to make it your avatar.
Remember though genital shots aren't allowed in avatars

29 Dec 2005

Sorry I couldn't make it!!
Sounds like quite a party but what else would anyone expect from a Marcuso party!
Darkfire - I want to here all about the "short burning ceremony" :giggle:

29 Dec 2005

:welcome: G-spot
Don't worry too much you'll get the hang of it.
I think you must have clicked the new topic as opposed to the reply button - hence your original post ending up in the main section.
We've all cocked up at some point or other wink

wink

join in and enjoy yourself :thumbup:

29 Dec 2005

Your a fast learner :thumbup:
I'm sure you'll fit it well round here!

29 Dec 2005

Oh Esantos
1 last thing I forgot to mention....
Avoid the pineaple!!!!!
He can't be trusted!!!! bolt

bolt

29 Dec 2005

Someone did a thread recently (I think it was a bloke but not quite sure), about whether women like watching 2 men.
The responses varied from "Not my thing" to "Hell Yes!! Love it"
That's the thing I love about this place - something for everyone wink

wink

29 Dec 2005

Hiya Esantos :welcome: to :swingingchair: Heaven
You've taken the first step by introducing yourself :thumbup:
There are lots of single guys here so you will have to put the effort in.
As naked cleaner has said join in on the forum so people get to know you and then think about putting you name down for some of the social events and munches.
Most importantly enjoy yourself wink

wink

29 Dec 2005

With all the people moaning about the post code thing in the cafe it got me thinking.
I use mapping software at work and have a map in my office marking postcode areas.
Could we possibly have a 2 page document in the help section - a list of postcodes and areas e.g.
AB- Aberdeen
L - Liverpool
PR - Preston
and then a map of the territories.
just an idea that might stop some of the moaning :thumbup:

28 Dec 2005

I know what you mean hornybunny I was absolutely freezing last night.
And it doesn't help when I'm watching my other half on webcam in a short sleaved shirt sitting in the sunshine.
Talk about rubbing it in.
Off to get my fluffy slippers and blanket (I know how attractive that must make me sound - not)

28 Dec 2005

Hello Essex123 :welcome: to :swingingchair: Heaven
Hope you enjoy yourself!!!

28 Dec 2005

Ahh bless
Stop being so naughty you lot. smackbottom

smackbottom

This is a newbie who is actually showing and interest in...
reading peoples profilesand not just spamming. :shock:
Windsor guy you get a gold star from me kiss

kiss

28 Dec 2005

Hiya Hun
:welcome: to the forum.
Good first post, I'm sure you'll enjoy it here.
Join in with the banter and then maybe think about putting you name down for some of the socials or locals in your area :thumbup:

28 Dec 2005

BustyLady40 I've had a pm from a member of the NW Posse so consider youself on the list :happy:

Quote by etfcboy1971
can i be a page boy.
never been a page boy.

Be careful what you wish for - you just might get it wink

wink

I've put your name down

Quote by firehott00001
could we be added to the list too ???

You certainly can :thumbup:

28 Dec 2005

Quote by TimandLene
Maybe it would cause less upset if some threads were left unlocked. Yes a subject may have been discussed numerous times, but it might seem more welcoming to people who use the forum less, if they were guided to the previous post, but their thread was left unlocked so that, for example someone else who is very new to the forum could post.
.

Most of the posts that are repeated infrequently are left open or directed to the original post.
What Jags is talking about here is things like the moans about the postcode search in the ad section - I've logged into the forum and seen 5 posts on the same topic on page 1 ffs.
Now maybe a newbie wouldn't know how to use the search facility, but I don't think it's to much to ask to look at the posts on page 1 rolleyes

rolleyes

I've lost count of the number of "been here a week and not had a shag" posts I've seen in the last few days and yes that frustates me - and I dont have to sit there locking them all.
Now whilst I try to be welcoming to new users, give them a friendly welcome I also realise that if the mods didn't lock some of these threads, the first page of the forum would be nothing but moans and groans on the same topic.
So what do you do if you're a mod dunno

dunno

damned if you do and damned if you don't

28 Dec 2005

I can understand how it must look to you guys, but this point has been made numerous times in the last week. and the mods are repeating themselves over and over again.
Whilst we are all frustrated, someone did come up with the glitch thread (can't remember who) so we could keep the stuff all in one place and the admin guys know where to look.
I haven't looked for a while, but maybe there's an update in there? dunno

dunno

28 Dec 2005

:gagged:

28 Dec 2005

Quote by davej

Tiger the thing about a car was a metaphor.
I didn't mean you might be more successful if you had a car :doh:

Does it have to be a Metaphor?....is a Volkswagon close enough? dunno

dunno

I don't think he has either,
but then he may have one
or the other
or both
who knows? dunno

dunno

28 Dec 2005

banghead

banghead

banghead

Tiger the thing about a car was a metaphor.
I didn't mean you might be more successful if you had a car :doh:

28 Dec 2005

ooh how did I miss this one???
A nice polite cheerful introduction! - I'd forgotten what one of them looked like! :shock:
:welcome: to the forum earthchild - I'm sure you'll enjoy it :welcome: hunnie

28 Dec 2005

OK so you've been here a couple of weeks
made one post
Have 2 ads - each of one line looking for fems or couples to "teach you"
I thing there's a possibility you maybe on the wrong site dunno

dunno

Try reading this for a bit of help
http://www.swingingheaven.co.uk/swingers-forum/viewtopic/20451.html
A few of things you may want to consider:
1. It is a swinging site, which doesn't necessarily translate to "quick shag site"
2. The ratio of single men to couples/females puts you in the majority
3. Swinging is about mutual pleasure - you ad is stating that you want people to teach you, but it doesn't give any information about what you have to offer
4. Of the thousands of single male ad's you need to make your's stand out
Now bearing that in mind here's a few suggestions:
1. Why not join in on the forum so people get to know you
2. Read some of the advice topics - they're written by successful swingers
3. Re-write you "ads" - you may want to take a look at some of the others out there to get some ideas
Oh and last point - :welcome: