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Theladyisaminx
Over 90 days ago
Straight Female, 62
United Kingdom
Forum
I have just read the steam room and it upsets me to read it at times, I don’t know really why I go in there, as there are always people that have been upset by others here.
I really can not understand why people would intentionally go out to hurt another person in any form, it saddens me if I think I may have caused offence in something I have said while writing and more often I have sent a private mail apologising if I felt I may have caused offence.
Why can’t people just be nice to each other, life is too short to be nasty, and quiet often the person you aim it at isn’t the person you have normally been upset by, I feel.
I would apologise even if I didn’t think I had done wrong, I just don’t like to think I have upset anyone. It is then up to them if they accept my apology but it makes me feel better.
Surely the feeling you have inside isn’t a nice feeling if you feel you have hurt someone, so why not just say sorry.
I know some people are a little more sensitive than others, but generally they are the ones that care the most about others.
Why don’t you just say sorry?
I really can not understand why people would intentionally go out to hurt another person in any form, it saddens me if I think I may have caused offence in something I have said while writing and more often I have sent a private mail apologising if I felt I may have caused offence.
Why can’t people just be nice to each other, life is too short to be nasty, and quiet often the person you aim it at isn’t the person you have normally been upset by, I feel.
I would apologise even if I didn’t think I had done wrong, I just don’t like to think I have upset anyone. It is then up to them if they accept my apology but it makes me feel better.
Surely the feeling you have inside isn’t a nice feeling if you feel you have hurt someone, so why not just say sorry.
I know some people are a little more sensitive than others, but generally they are the ones that care the most about others.
Why don’t you just say sorry?
I have not bought a newspaper for many years, I do keep informed of the news by many forms tv and internet.
My thoughts have always been some people read and accept what they read to be true, I can never believe all that I read and always would leave it open to question.
The press do not get my money.
As at the end of the day they report what they want and it isn't always the facts.
My thoughts have always been some people read and accept what they read to be true, I can never believe all that I read and always would leave it open to question.
The press do not get my money.
As at the end of the day they report what they want and it isn't always the facts.
I think the media has a lot of power over the way people view this country.
I see what is around me and make my opinions up on what I see with my own eyes, I know there is bad in this country, but there is also a lot of good happening too, but it still offers us a lot more freedom that many other countries, but the media will not have you believe that.
I tend to vocus on the good that I see, I don't have time for the bad.
Take a look at a lot of the way others live in other countries then think what we have here.
I see what is around me and make my opinions up on what I see with my own eyes, I know there is bad in this country, but there is also a lot of good happening too, but it still offers us a lot more freedom that many other countries, but the media will not have you believe that.
I tend to vocus on the good that I see, I don't have time for the bad.
Take a look at a lot of the way others live in other countries then think what we have here.
I would not say I have a plan as such, but a shear determination and a focus of what I want now. I have things I am working on, more of a direction in life.
But I would not call it a plan more of a life changing direction, a way I want to lead my life now.
But I am doing it in a more content and happy way about myself and for myself.
If and when I get there, I haven’t planned but I know I will achieve something and it will be just for my own satisfaction.
But I would not call it a plan more of a life changing direction, a way I want to lead my life now.
But I am doing it in a more content and happy way about myself and for myself.
If and when I get there, I haven’t planned but I know I will achieve something and it will be just for my own satisfaction.
Quote by Kazsc
a bit from Paul Simon which is sooooo true of many people.
'Some people never say the words "I love you" '
'It's not their style to be so bold'
'Some people never say the words "I love you" '
'But ike a child they are longing to be told'
So, if you feel it, say it before its too late.
Steve
Great advice!!
I am a big softy at heart, although it is only certain people in life I show the core of myself too. We all feel we have to protect ourselves at times.
But I don’t mind people seeing the true me, I have learnt of ways recently to ignore people that don’t understand me and move on.
This has taken a long time in coming but I feel I am at a stage in life that it doesn’t matter what others think.
I like to show people myself and it is up to them to decide their choices or judgements of me.
Do you find it hard to show the true you?
But I don’t mind people seeing the true me, I have learnt of ways recently to ignore people that don’t understand me and move on.
This has taken a long time in coming but I feel I am at a stage in life that it doesn’t matter what others think.
I like to show people myself and it is up to them to decide their choices or judgements of me.
Do you find it hard to show the true you?
For a special friend!
You make me smile
Even the times I'm trying to be serious
You are possessing the quality mysterious
A special style
You, make me smile
Even the times our
future's looking gloomier
Come through the door and then
the room looks roomier
You make me smile
That's how I feel,
Whenever I'm with you
You make me smile
We're never thinking that it
could be so possible
Now on the other hand,
it’s finally probable
I'll stay a while
'Cause you make me smile
you make me smile
That's how I feel,
Whenever I'm with you
You make me smile
That's what you do to me, baby
All the things I seem to
feel uptight about
Are not so devastating after all
This must be what life is all about
Standing tall each time you take a fall
You, you, you make me smile
That's how I feel,
Whenever I'm with you
You make me smile
You make me smile
Even the times I'm trying to be serious
You are possessing the quality mysterious
A special style
You, make me smile
Even the times our
future's looking gloomier
Come through the door and then
the room looks roomier
You make me smile
That's how I feel,
Whenever I'm with you
You make me smile
We're never thinking that it
could be so possible
Now on the other hand,
it’s finally probable
I'll stay a while
'Cause you make me smile
you make me smile
That's how I feel,
Whenever I'm with you
You make me smile
That's what you do to me, baby
All the things I seem to
feel uptight about
Are not so devastating after all
This must be what life is all about
Standing tall each time you take a fall
You, you, you make me smile
That's how I feel,
Whenever I'm with you
You make me smile
Quote by niceguysdoexist
Cold evenings warmer days and crisp mornings. Lovely
Crisp mornings
are they the SE's version of coffee mornings?
You made me wonder then if I was using a cockney saying
But I went and looked it up meaning...
a. Bracing; invigorating: crisp mountain air.
Ok I do not live in the mountains but you get my drift
Good morning!
Thought I would update you, she stayed with us last night and I slept with her, as she needed a cuddle and the reasurance that she is doing so well. She is really doing well, she is getting her rational thinking back as the withdrawl is progressing, her irrational behavour is become less, but damn when irrational kicks in what goes on in her mind is hard to cope with.
It is a bit like dealing with two people. She is caring, loving, considerate, beautiful person that she is, who is showing and admitting to her failings, feeling remorseful, embarassed, and is so sorry and admitting all the things she has done.
Then the bottle one, who is angry at her boyfriend who she blames for her drinking, which is stopping her taking the blame, paranoid and irrational anxious and afraid. But her Mum said to me she over the years has blamed everyone except herself.
She is so lucky, both her boyfriend and Mum love her so much I am working with them and keeping in contact with her Mum. Both want to be there for her at this time, but both know that will feel to comfortable for her so have to keep away, but are supporting her at a distance.
Her Mum said to me, that I am the first person she has ever trusted and respected, and she feels she will no let me down.
she said the same to me last night, as I have never stood her nonsence and abuse in the past but have just walked away without answering her, she said I was one person she never expected that would help her through this or My hubby as he has in the past told her never to knock on our door again, she is scared of him, but I guess that helps in a way. He was only nasty when she has been nasty to me for no reason.
I feel we have total respect for each other and the fact we have taken on her daughter shocked her but she totally trusts us to look after her.
I have always said to her in the past I would be there for the children, as her kids are lovely. But I could never be there for her as a drinker, as my Dad was a drinker and I don't have the patience for drinkers. I have said to her the only reason I am there for her now, is that I feel she hates the drinker and I believe her.
What is keeping her going she said is that she doesnt not want to disappoint both me hubby and my family.
I did lose it a little yesterday a couple of times and when she wanted me to have answers for things I dont have answers for. I cried and said she is being selfish in expecting me to have all the answers. This is helping to keep her focused and realising that we just need to wait to find out.
She desperately wants rehab the abilty to go away and get cured with help, to come home and be a real mum for her girls to care for them in a way that she knows they deserve.
We are just living in hope that her wishes will come true or we will at least be listened to and they will hear that is what she wants.
At the hospital the ambulance people, ss and the hospital themselves have all done reports to help with her plight, we are hpoing with thier support and the fact she has been going through withdrawl since Friday and battling it alone that this will happen.
Wish us luck
Thought I would update you, she stayed with us last night and I slept with her, as she needed a cuddle and the reasurance that she is doing so well. She is really doing well, she is getting her rational thinking back as the withdrawl is progressing, her irrational behavour is become less, but damn when irrational kicks in what goes on in her mind is hard to cope with.
It is a bit like dealing with two people. She is caring, loving, considerate, beautiful person that she is, who is showing and admitting to her failings, feeling remorseful, embarassed, and is so sorry and admitting all the things she has done.
Then the bottle one, who is angry at her boyfriend who she blames for her drinking, which is stopping her taking the blame, paranoid and irrational anxious and afraid. But her Mum said to me she over the years has blamed everyone except herself.
She is so lucky, both her boyfriend and Mum love her so much I am working with them and keeping in contact with her Mum. Both want to be there for her at this time, but both know that will feel to comfortable for her so have to keep away, but are supporting her at a distance.
Her Mum said to me, that I am the first person she has ever trusted and respected, and she feels she will no let me down.
she said the same to me last night, as I have never stood her nonsence and abuse in the past but have just walked away without answering her, she said I was one person she never expected that would help her through this or My hubby as he has in the past told her never to knock on our door again, she is scared of him, but I guess that helps in a way. He was only nasty when she has been nasty to me for no reason.
I feel we have total respect for each other and the fact we have taken on her daughter shocked her but she totally trusts us to look after her.
I have always said to her in the past I would be there for the children, as her kids are lovely. But I could never be there for her as a drinker, as my Dad was a drinker and I don't have the patience for drinkers. I have said to her the only reason I am there for her now, is that I feel she hates the drinker and I believe her.
What is keeping her going she said is that she doesnt not want to disappoint both me hubby and my family.
I did lose it a little yesterday a couple of times and when she wanted me to have answers for things I dont have answers for. I cried and said she is being selfish in expecting me to have all the answers. This is helping to keep her focused and realising that we just need to wait to find out.
She desperately wants rehab the abilty to go away and get cured with help, to come home and be a real mum for her girls to care for them in a way that she knows they deserve.
We are just living in hope that her wishes will come true or we will at least be listened to and they will hear that is what she wants.
At the hospital the ambulance people, ss and the hospital themselves have all done reports to help with her plight, we are hpoing with thier support and the fact she has been going through withdrawl since Friday and battling it alone that this will happen.
Wish us luck
Hi thanks for the pms and messages here, it has been a hard day today, I am here feeling exhasted but tomorrow am going to the addict clinic with her.
It is so hard to keep her focused but she has done so well, but she needs me to keep that focus at the moment. She was told she can have a drink and not to totally give up at this stage if she feels she needs it, until tomorrow she is coping but it is so hard.
Hopefully we will get some help tomorrow, but at the moment it is just us, She has had 1 can today but has not drunk it all. I keep telling her how proud of her I am. But it is so draining. I will get back to the pms but I am to tired today, but they are helping me to support her so thanks xxx
It is so hard to keep her focused but she has done so well, but she needs me to keep that focus at the moment. She was told she can have a drink and not to totally give up at this stage if she feels she needs it, until tomorrow she is coping but it is so hard.
Hopefully we will get some help tomorrow, but at the moment it is just us, She has had 1 can today but has not drunk it all. I keep telling her how proud of her I am. But it is so draining. I will get back to the pms but I am to tired today, but they are helping me to support her so thanks xxx
Quote by __random_orbit__
You are NOT totally responsible for her at all. SHE is.
I have to leave for work, though may return to this later... or maybe PM.
I hope that didn't sound too harsh.
lp
No it doesn't sound harsh at all, I do know what you are saying, but I do still feel that way.
LP if you don't mind going over to pm that would be great, I do appreciate your offer and Thanks.
Quote by __random_orbit__
If your friend can get herself into a residential rehabilitation programme, that will bear in mind the needs of her children and her current circumstances, she may stand a good chance of keeping them and coming out the other end intact, and as a family.
as for what you can do, well that's very hard to tell.
Once your friend is under the wing of the rehab, leave her to that pragramme, try notto interfere. (not that I'm suggesting you would) and be there when she comes out the other end.
Use your best judgement, that's really all I can say with what I know.
In my own experience of these systems, they are very accomodating.. I have seen the results for mothers/families as they struggle with individual and group recovery. It can and does work. But it can also be a long and dificult process.
lp
Thanks LP
The residential rehab programme is what she was hoping for, but we have been told by SS that this is not an option in our borough.
She was sent home from hospital alone and that is hard for her as her home was the place she could shut the door and drink and nobody knows.
I left her last night in a calm state of mind and told her to go to bed.
But I can not be there 24 7 and I know without her children around her she has taken other measures in the past. I did have a long talk with SS about my concerns but seemed to me there was no other route.
I do feel I am totally responsible for her at the moment. Although she has promised me she just wants to get better, but I can not reassure her it will be in the way she wants.
Someone I know has just admitted to the authorities that she is unfit to look after her children as she is an alcoholic, and has taken the first steps to get help.
I could not leave her to go to them alone with her children as I believe and have always felt she is a great mum with a major problem, I believe she can do this, as this must have been a massive step for her to do as I know how much she loves her children.
I was with her when she faced SS and they have been great placing the children with people she trusts.
I am now in a position whereby I am there for her on her long journey to recovery.
I don't know what I can do, all I feel is that all I can do is try to keep her thinking positive, looking at the good things and keeping focused on them,than the bad thoughts and worry that she is scared about.
I need some sort of advice on the way help is given in way of the addiction clinics where we are going to tomorrow.
It seems really hard to get the help when you have an addiction unless you have money in this country.
I just wondered how I can help her and how to keep her mind vocused as I can not be there 24/7.
But I can only do my best.
Any words of advice please?
I could not leave her to go to them alone with her children as I believe and have always felt she is a great mum with a major problem, I believe she can do this, as this must have been a massive step for her to do as I know how much she loves her children.
I was with her when she faced SS and they have been great placing the children with people she trusts.
I am now in a position whereby I am there for her on her long journey to recovery.
I don't know what I can do, all I feel is that all I can do is try to keep her thinking positive, looking at the good things and keeping focused on them,than the bad thoughts and worry that she is scared about.
I need some sort of advice on the way help is given in way of the addiction clinics where we are going to tomorrow.
It seems really hard to get the help when you have an addiction unless you have money in this country.
I just wondered how I can help her and how to keep her mind vocused as I can not be there 24/7.
But I can only do my best.
Any words of advice please?
Quote by
...
Or could it be seen as sharing my experiences so others might be able to relate to share them and realise that sometimes we are not alone in our thoughts or experiences?
If it isn’t seen as selfish, what is selfishness?
Sharing your experience with others is not selfish. It is the opposite, you are giving them the benefit of your experience. This is not selfish.
Giving your view is not selfish, but imposing your view is.
Travis
So should one wait and be asked for their view
If it is not asked then could it be deemed as imposing?
Is sharing an expierance the same as giving a view?
My dad was an alcoholic something that I started to notice around 16, I could never accept it. Might be why I drink very little as a result.
I saw the personality changes it made in him, his weakness and it was upsetting to watch someone you loved almost destroying himself and drive away the people that loved him too.
I remember at 17 telling him face to face if he died of liver problems I would not attend his funeral, my Mum latter told me he stopped for a week.
So answer to you question no I have never accepted alcohol but it is up to others to decide for themselves.
I will add people complain about smoking but I know of no whole family that was almost destroyed by it. Some will argue on this point of that I am sure.
I saw the personality changes it made in him, his weakness and it was upsetting to watch someone you loved almost destroying himself and drive away the people that loved him too.
I remember at 17 telling him face to face if he died of liver problems I would not attend his funeral, my Mum latter told me he stopped for a week.
So answer to you question no I have never accepted alcohol but it is up to others to decide for themselves.
I will add people complain about smoking but I know of no whole family that was almost destroyed by it. Some will argue on this point of that I am sure.
Quote by flower411
I take a little girl to school who is 7, the other morning on the way to school I said “my brain feels so scrambled I am thinking to many things, does that ever happen to you” She replied “no” I then said “really I would have thought all the things that you have to learn, could sometimes make it feel scrambled” her response “no I just take in information I store the bits I need to learn by and delete the rest in the recycling bin”
I then said that is very clever so what happens if someone is nasty to you?
Her response “I press the delete button in my brain and they disappear”.
She is a bubbly happy little girl.
She seems to liken her brain to a computer can this be a good coping tool that perhaps children can see things these days as so simple?
I take a little girl to school who is 7, the other morning on the way to school I said “my brain feels so scrambled I am thinking to many things, does that ever happen to you” She replied “no” I then said “really I would have thought all the things that you have to learn, could sometimes make it feel scrambled” her response “no I just take in information I store the bits I need to learn by and delete the rest in the recycling bin”
I then said that is very clever so what happens if someone is nasty to you?
Her response “I press the delete button in my brain and they disappear”.
She is a bubbly happy little girl.
She seems to liken her brain to a computer can this be a good coping tool that perhaps children can see things these days as so simple?
I thought her responses were amazing of one so young.
Did you just press the "repeat" button in your brain ??
You just had to quote it didn't ya 
Get back to work :kick:
