Now don`t you start coming in on a serious thread and feeding me rope. I know your game! :huh:
Venusxxx
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Over 90 days ago
Straight Female, 54
Straight Female, 83
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Quote by neilinleeds
i'm just wondering if, as swinging goes more mainstream, and more and more people come to the site, do members need to take more responsibility for the content on SH, how we interact with eachother, and the impression it gives, or should we leave that kind of responsibility to moderators, with all that entails as far as complaints about seemingly more active modding / thread locking etc go? ((( not saying that's the case, just it's been suggested. personally i think it's just busier, so mods are busier and modding decisions more apparent. )))
aka bumlick :P
Should we take more responsibilty for our interaction for the sake of how swinging is perceived by visitors to the board? I don`t think so. I think we should take more responsibilty for our interactions in all walks of life, the interaction here is simply an extention of this. Mark and the mods do a great job when it comes to providing the tools for people to act responsibly, and are pretty good at clearing up traffic accidents/catering to popular opinion, I think the responsibility should end there, after all we are all adults.
personally i tend to believe that my freedom to swing my arms stops where another persons nose starts,
I like that. Just thought I`d say
but then it's naive to imagine we'll all get on isn't it, and it's fairly easy to cause, and take offence, particularly where you read a certain post a particular way just because of the poster.
True, it is niave, but where is the comfortable and considerate line drawn when accepting that a clash of personality is impossible to communicate with? Sometimes I feel that it is drawn too soon. Sometimes I even feel that there is a certain pride in not being seen as niave, which encourages people to draw too a harsh line.
or be overly concerned with maybe causing offence to someone,
Define `overly concerned`. :mrgreen:
somewhere, or should withhold an opinion just cos it might be read as a gang thing.
Me neither, just exploring ideas of a more proactive approach
Ok, this last post was crap(mine Neil, mine!).
Encroaching on serious alcohol territory now, so I`ll shut up!
Venusxxx
Quote by celticq
Like some other forum members I have a degree in Psychology and some understanding of human behaviour. I find the dynamics of the the SH society very interesting.
Do people find that they behave the same in here as they do in real life??
I am not at all the same. In RL I'm argumentative and for most of the time due to my job am pretty much the centre of attention. I like being in here as I am able to be on the sidelines and also for some reason don't have the urge to argue the toss but rather let things wash over me more. The SH me is much more laid back than the real me and I'm happy to keep it that way.
Does this mean I'm being fake in here or just a different me?
I tend to test my persona online before I have the self confidence to express it fully in real life. I like to test the water. I am MUCH more confident in real life now than I was say....a year ago. It`s a handy test board for me, one I am comfortable in using. I have also used SH to express other traits that I haven`t been able to express in other areas of my life due to responsibilties...eg, I can behave like a total twat here, that twat is very much a part of who I am, and needs to be expressed, but is often denied the opportunity elsewhere.
At a guess Celtic, I would say that my latter is where you are coming from. It`s not a false persona, just one you are, for one reason or another, denied from expressing in real life? How does that sound?
Venusxxx
Quote by Ice Pie
Keep it general please, I`m genuinely interested and if barely disguised specifics arise I will ask for the thread to be locked! :P
OK, I promise I won't specifically mention any people who start threads then ask for them to be locked when they don't go the way they want. ;)
Told you I`d get there eventually
So, how do you see people who do this?...you brought it up :mrgreen:
One sentiment I try to maintain personally, is that my opinions stand in their own right. However, how many of us can truely say that, myself included, in an environment which depends upon people bouncing posts off of one another? I mean, how immune are we really from being influenced by a common opinion?
If you've any sense, you won't want to be immune. Exposing yourself honestly to opinions that differ from your own, listening objectively to what other people have to say, and maybe facing the prospect of changing your mind, is only threatening to the egos of foolish people. Wiser people know they weren't born knowing everything and regard a convincing counter-view as a learning experience rather than a personal defeat.
I have sense, enough to see I should have worded that better you damn word warrior! My opinions stand all the time they have valid reason to do so. Bending for popularity only is not a valid reason.
If a sentiment comes up on a thread, and is echoed by others, why does it need to be said again and again?
For the same reason that cats purr and gorillas grunt. It's instinctive social bonding.
Granted, but if cause and effect was better understood, would it not be possible to `think` past this for a greater good? We are not gorillas.
Is it a personal need to voice the same opinion but in your own words, or perhaps some feel a little braver once someone has stepped forward first.
Yes to both.
Rhetorical question. Play with it you damned !
Is it possible that once everyone has had this opportunity a `bandwagon` is seen?
Jumping on a bandwagon and ceding to a more persuasive argument are two entirely different things. One is for mental midgets who need to follow the in-crowd and do what they think is expected of them, the other is for free-thinkers who make a conscious choice whether to run with the herd or go their own way. They are easy to distinguish: One always agrees and disagrees with the same people, the other sometimes agrees and sometimes disagrees with the herd.
I knew this too, but what of the people on the receiving end? How does it feel for them when totally outnumbered, be it by the `mental midgets` or the `free thinkers`? Perhaps this might encourage a defensive reaction to what may feel akin to being bullied, and as a result all hell breaks loose? Perhaps if people notice that their point has already been made they could refrain from repeating it, and instead choose to add to it, thus bringing the discussion a step further?
Perhaps it`s the responsibilty of the person who reacts in this way? I don`t know. I`m not up to playing the egg and chicken game tonight.
Perhaps I`m dictating how I think people should approach debate and am being pretentious?
However I`m a consideratepretentious cow, and I can live with that! :mrgreen:
That`s just one line of discussion....I have loooooooads more!
Next!
Did this one earlier....next! :P
Venusxxx
Quote by satin
is it march yet????????????????????????
noooooooooooooooooo
well anyway after reading the posts from some on here ive made an exeutive decsion :shock: :shock: :shock: ...... im gonna switch at some point during the night :shock: :twisted: theres no way im gonna miss out on being dom to some of you sexy ladies(term used very loosely) :twisted:you will feel the power of my magical masters crop
Oh crap :shock: :shock: :shock: :scared:
If that bloody crop gets anywhere near my arse I`ll wrap it round your bleeding neck!
Venusxxx
Quote by wave_dancer
It's not that I MIND- it's just that I hear all the time how this, that and the other it is- I just want to know. what it's like. Maybe it is the same as when a woman has a really good sex life, but has always wondered what it is like to have huge orgasims?? I don't know.
That`s fair enough. Don`t have a penis though, so I wouldn`t know if the end result feels any different. Sorry.
Venusxxx
Quote by Scandal
One person`s self confidence in not having to take responsibility for sensitivity (which IS a good thing), is to another person a lack of consideration.
Depending upon how you view it. I like try the view out of many windows....
Venusxxx
I like the view from all windows too, but in the end I prefer people who have a preference.
People who can see other peoples' point of view is fine, it means they are probably perceptive, but I want to know which opinion they prefer. Just saying it depends how you look at it is like ... a bit too liberal for me, I prefer people to have opinions, believe in them, be passionate and not too intimidated to say what they believe.
Well just so you know, I prefer the view out of my `considerate` window. It tends to take a discussion much further, and I can sleep at night in the knowledge that I haven`t upset anyone too much! I am passionate enough not to concede to a point if I do not agree with it, but also passionate enough to back down and try a different approach if I feel people are becoming polorised, so that the debate can continue to it`s conclusion. Even if this might mean soothing a ruffled person when their umbrage is not actually my fault (depending upon how wound up I am at the time)! The later really isn`t that important to me in the larger scheme of things.
So a small way is say, on this forum a new person who took the time to read all the threads would find out alot of information about this lifestyle and that positive knowledge would permeate society in a small way. But that won't happen if people sit on their hands and say
"oh well if you find all swingers immoral and seedy then I suppose that's your way of seeing things, I can see your point of view ho hum!"
So I happen to think that opinions are valid and should be expressed because they advance a discussion or the understanding of an argument.
Absolutely, but the success of this end product will very much depend on the recognition understanding of the emotionsinvolved. I agree, there is no point in telling someone that you `see thier point` if you don`t, but equally going completely head to head with a person will likely cement their belief in thier views. No longer will they be up for a discussion, they will be out to `beat` the person who has pissed them off. This is unlikely to be productive.
"There is nothing more powerfull than an idea that has come of it's time" .... now who said that?
Beats the shit outta me! :mrgreen:
Venusxxx
Quote by Alex_FemaleOh gosh, I shall, but like Scandal, real life is coming to bite me on the arse...
Armchair psychology is very interesting, and so are your views, keep them coming .....
or rather the teen who will divorce me as a parent if she doesn`t get to check her damn e-mails!
I`ll be back
Venusxxx
Quote by Scandal
Go 'ead, bite me 'ead off !
/rubs hands together.
ta very much :twisted:
Although I agree that a spirited debate can be very entertaining, for me, the purpose of debate is education. If people start to become casualties of a spirited debate, said debate then turns into a Flame war, people become polarised, and the orignal purpose of the debate is lost. Noone is any the wiser, but oft will come away with opinions about who`s the git, and who isn`t, who was on thier `side` and who wasn`t.....and dare I say it........which group is the `clique` or `bandwagon` of the week! Now of course I am familiar with the sentiment `If you can`t stand the heat, then stay out of the kitchen`, but perhaps many people didn`t join the debate for the heat, perhaps they prefer to eat the meal at the end? I totally respect this, and although it could (and probably will be) argued that a persons inability to recognise, or respond to a spirited debate in the way it`s intended is their own fault, but by the same token perhaps it could also be argued that sensitivity toward the diverse personalities involved to go a long way toward staving off ignorance and hurt feelings...always a major consideration in my book, partcularly if I actually do want to communicate my point, or perhaps learn something without becoming embroiled in a traffic accident! I am not condemning spirited debate, rather promoting some sensitivity and understanding towards others involved.
One person`s self confidence in not having to take responsibility for sensitivity (which IS a good thing), is to another person a lack of consideration.
Depending upon how you view it. I like try the view out of many windows....
I *think* I addressed your point. Did I address your point?
Can you expand on the following?
Exchange of views, polemics, heated even are one way understanding progresses.
Venusxxx
Quote by Rainbows
It's like trying to rationalise with someone who just keeps shouting over you. Best to walk away in those instances I think.
That is when I end up questioning my strength of character. I never seem to stop exploring ways around a howler/s.....
possibly because I am a tenacious bitch! :mrgreen:
Venusxxx
Quote by westerross
This is a great thread.
One thing that fascinates me is when people say, as a generalisation, that they don't give a fuck what people think about what they say. (I'm not having a pop here - just interested).
I think about this too, and I think it`s great that people can say this. I also think it`s great that they probably feel very self-confident as a result. Me, I do care very much how people perceive what I say, but I try very hard not to let this sway my opinions. I am quite prepared to take on board other people`s opinions, and change my own as a direct result, but I won`t adopt a popular opinion just to fit in...I prefer to bugger off and make friends with those who respect my opinions, if not necessarily agree with them all the time. Whether or not my lack of immunity is an indication of my strength of character remains to be seen. I prefer to think it`s because I`m an extrovert, so how successful I am in this depends very much upon how well I can communicate with others, that, and the fact I`m very sensitive to serious conflict.
However, as self-confident as this may (or may not) make me sound, I have held back from offering my opinion, or supporting someone who seems to be in the minority on the odd occassion. Again, whether this is because I feel that the mood of the thread would cause others to be less than receptive to what I have to offer, and my opinion would fall on deaf ears, or me simply taking the cowards way out, I`m unsure, but I`m working on it! If I voice my opinion I want it to be heard, and considered, and this can very much depend upon how well I put it across, which in turn depends upon how well I understand how to communicate with a given mood and/or personality, and how those personalities are likely to react to me, and others as a result.
Venusxxx
Quote by freckledbird
Some gobby cow I reckon
Bev
xx
And therein lays the answer to all your problems Wave_dancer
To be honest, I wouldn`t let it become an issue. A successful blowjob doesn`t depend on a guys ability to cum, as long as both parties are enjoying the process, then all is good!
Venusxxx
Quote by Scandal
Very interesting and thoughtful post Venus. I especially like this bit:
people assume ......... we are an easy lay (actually I am, but we will ignore that for now :mrgreen
Fuck?
And I especially liked how that fit into some of the babble I kept offline......
Others here have some great and very strong personality traits which offer a great deal to the community, traits I would kill for. Ice is very good at drawing a line at when not to take responsibility for other people`s reactions. Neil has a sense of humour I`d kill to have, Scandal can get straight to a point much faster than I, Judy with her thought provoking posts, and Bilko, no, most of you are more than capable of playing make believe in the GFZ, when I pop in there and everyone is referring to the jacuzzi, I`m sat there saying to myself `what fucking jacuzzi?! Where?! Just a few examples too show that I am not considering myself as the SH one man band!
Venusxxx
Newcomers cannot be expected to have that skill (sorry if that sounds a bit specific but it truly isn't - it is generic)
Very true, and I think for the most part people understand this. Depending upon the characters involved at the time it can go one way or another with new members. If a daft intro is offered, it will get dismantled! I remember when I first joined, my first post was ok, I offered a little more than just the token `this is what we are into, who wants some` post, but that`s just me, I talk too much! :mrgreen: Even back then a reference was made to `surviving the initiation`. There is a strong opinion, one which I happen to agree with, that for the most part swinging involves much more that simply popping in once the pubs are closed and sticking a post up in the hope that one will secure a quick shag! I am sure some of us even find this a tad offensive, that people assume that because we are swingers, then by default that means we are an easy lay (actually I am, but we will ignore that for now :mrgreen
people will react to that. Enter `Newbie baiting` one good example of how group dynamics may or may not kick in. Of course, some new members are going to be more sensitive than others, long term members also, and of course some are just dickheads, we see plenty of those! Some will respond with more banter, some will take umbrage, others will shit themselves! How skilled are we really in reading new members? It seems that many of us will read thier responses differently, and others may have different goals and skills when joining in with the `newbie baiting` (great term Vix ;) ). It`s all down to the diverse personalities we have here. That is inevitable. Often advice is offered `get to know us all before you cast judgement`....a statement which could work both ways, but doesn`t. That actually isn`t a criticism, I really feel that there are very valid reasons that this sentiment isn`t offered too often, and it has a great deal to do with the amount of dickheads who do join! It`s an exhausting business extending the benefit of the doubt to each and every so called prattish post, and for well established members here, the need to have this benefit reciporated is not as great, so what does it really matter to them if a new member flounces? Some offer this benefit of the doubt more than others, again, it`s just a matter of the personalities involved. In short, depending on who joins in the banter, and how it is handled, has a great deal to do with which new members manage to fit in, and which one`s end up being shown the door. The ones who are shown the door, are not always trolls, simply a product of the clashing personalities in the wrong place, at the wrong time, with a dash of defensiveness thrown in for good measure. I`ve become defensive and polorised myself on more than one occassion. I think people are sometimes right in picking up on this, but it deserves much more thought than being devaluated by the statement `people are being mean`, or `this is a clique`. I think there are more than a few reasons people will join in with the Newbie baiting, and it`s not always because they are simply just trying to have fun, but are trying to have fun in order to `belong`, among many other things. As Foxy said. It`s not always a badthing. Is that a clique?
And that was after I cut out the crap I`ve been writing all morning, and is a reaction to a statement very early on!
This could take some time...........
Quote by Ice Pie
That`s just one line of discussion....I have loooooooads more!
Next!
You think? Who made you the conclusion to all my questions?!
;)Venusxxx
Quote by freckledbird
Just wondered, how do you know if you're part of a clique or not?
Bev
xx
Well, first off you will need to take a very large and sharp scalpel, then carefully, remove the top of your skull, and the skulls of others around you, once the brain is exposed, you will need to whittle away at it in fine slices......
Once you have then started writing various theories taking on board everyones possible reactions to those theories, and realise that to compensate you have in fact started to write a book, which has not only confused the shit out of yourself, but will probably serve to make others assume that you are in fact a madwoman who should be locked up, you fry said slices in a nice mixture of olive oil and garlic, and serve hot with a nice glass of chianti. :mrgreen:
Venusxxx
Quote by marmalaid
And how would you like me to FUCK OFF, mistress?
/bad Venus, bad bad Venus.
I would like to interrupt this discussion with a brief public announcement. Venus` brain has just left the building
. It may take some time to restore normal working service. In the meantime, if you would all like to amuse yourselves with meaningless and puerile banter, please feel free to do so. Venus would like to apologise for this inconveniance, and will try to resume normal working servise as soon as possible.Thank you everybody for your cooperation in this matter (but not you Chris
)Venusxxx
Quote by neilinleeds
well rainbows, if it was me, i'd just run in a girlie kinda way, and be easily caught, but then you're a girlie and missy is a girlie too, so you'd have to be an extra-specially rubbish girlie at the whole running thing. maybe, when the next opportunity arises, just sit alluringly in a jacuzzi or something and make come to bed eyes and that sort of thing?
hope this helps? :twisted:
n x x x :P
You lying shit! You said you were going to bed!
Hi Grommit
Venusxxx
