Well that's bleedin' nice innit!!!.... Invite everyone to a party in the chat room and the feckin' hostess don't even show up!
"Well, me dad said they'd never look in the first place they should look, hope he was right, for my sake <<Gulp!>>"
I think you should fess up and tell him you accessed his email account..
Just be up front about it and say "I opened your email the other day and this is what I saw, would you care to explain what this other ad is about?"
If he says its you then ask him why he didn't tell you. If it's someone else then you have another set of problems to deal with.
Bras? Can't stand em............ they get in the way of progress.. hehehe
The Cruelty of Crowds
In solitude he sat on a window sill,
He had never felt so utterly lost.
Through misty windows, he mused, until -
A clock chime reminded him of the cost.
That he had loved, he had loved in ritual,
The baying of mobs was always too loud;
The tenderness of an individual,
Hidden from the cruelty of the crowd.
Believing in his orientation,
He was the one that would always suffer.
A Quentin Crisp in an alien nation;
Tender loving for his sexual buffer.
Beaten and bloody by a phobic mewl:
In dim alleyways he fearfully cowed,
The tenderness of an individual,
Hidden from the cruelty of the crowd.
Poem Notes:
'The Cruelty Of Crowds' addresses the bigotry and hatred that is homophobia. One does not need to be a homosexual to be able to speak out against the injustice of condemning someone for their sexuality. In a free and tolerant society a man should be able to be what he wants to be without fear of prejudice or persecution.
In the poem I have attempted to show the isolation of those that are perceived as 'different' from the rest of society when, in fact, they simply have different views and beliefs. The reference to tenderness is intended to remind that we all have feelings that can be extremely fragile at times.
***************************************************
The Smell of the Night
I stood on the outside, as one is want,
Succulent fragances in elegant repose.
I cared, nor did I feel, a need to know,
As I pleasurely gave way to the smell of the night.
Ghostlike reflections on shimmering coins,
That sway in the gentle breeze that abounds.
Reminding me that in the most peculiar of ways,
Nature is working by the glow of moonlight.
Breathing, as it seemed, my senses felt alive;
A freshness, I haven't known in any other place.
I stood and watched the stars seek to remind,
That they purify and cleanse the smell of the day.
Boiling sounds, that companioned this aroma,
Of furious machines on concrete veins,
That meant nothing to me, as in my distraction,
I selfishly succumbed to the smell of the night.
Poem Notes:
As I stood in the garden smoking a cigarette late one evening I noticed a smell that I had never sensed before. It permeated the air like a thick blanket, assailing my nostrils with a freshness, a real feeling of being alive and in tune with my surroundings.
It was almost as if nature herself was trying to communicate with me on a personal level. The smell was free of the odour of the day, there were no car fumes present, no smell of cooking from neighbouring houses, just a sweet, clear and fresh smell that must have been so commonplace before the mass industrialisation of our planet - how I envy those that had the good fortune to smell this smell every day of their lives.
Most people know me as an amiable, joking sort of peron who don't take life too seriously but if there's one thing that REALLY hacks me off it's the drivers who think ROUNDabouts don't fucking exist!!!
They're not called Straightonabouts or fecking cutmeupabouts . they're called fucking ROUNDabouts!!! ... You go ROUND them!!!!
Picture the scene: I am in the right hand lane - COZ I AM TURNING FECKING RIGHT! - and shit-for-brains is in the left hand lane - and he doesn't fecking know where he's going! I'm indicating RIGHT, he's indicating fuck all.
We both set off at the same time, same speed, I approach the ROUNDabout positioned perfectly to turn RIGHT - and the next thing I know turd bollox has stuck his car in front of mine - COZ HE'S GOING STRAIGHT ON AND HAS CLAIMED RIGHT OF WAY!!! He then motors off happily giving me the middle finger salute coz I have just beeped him and I am sitting there in the middle of the roundabout with cars approaching from my right with a bemused-what-the-fuck-are-you-doing-prat expression on their faces!
BASTARD!!!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRR
Now, this thing about duvet covers, listen carefully coz I shall say zis only vunce:
Wishmaster's 12-point plan for driving yourself mentally insane:
1). When you take the dirty one off, deliberately turn it inside out (I'll explain why later)
2). Load dirty cover in washing machine, switch it on and fuck off and do something else for six days (it will sit in there fermenting coz you forgot about it and then it stinks like shit and you gotta wash it again!)
3). Take your freshly washed-six-times and dried like cardboard duvet cover back to the bedroom and look at the bed forlornly wishing you now didn't have to do what you know you must.
4). Put your hands in your inside-out duvet cover (told ya - saves time) and gather the cover up your arms till you find the corners at the other end of the opening.
5). Scream!!! - (Fuck, shit, bollox - all or any, my favourite is Wanker!!!)
6). You have just realised that the duvet is in a heap and you don't know where the corners are. So.......... take arms out of duvet cover trying carefully to arrange it so that you can put your arms back in it easily finding the corners again (this never works by the way) - Now arrange the duvet so that you can pick it up by the corners with your duvet cover back on your arms.
7). Put your arms back in the duvet cover that you arranged in Step 6 - Yell, 'Fucker!' and relocate the corners of the cover again.
8). Grab the corners of the duvet with the corners of the duvet cover and shake it violently until your brow starts to sweat, you get palpitations and realise that you just ain't tall enough for this job and wish you'd bought a baboon instead of a cat.
9). Throw the reassembled duvet + cover on the bed LENGTHWAYS and go and make a cup of coffee (You need calming and don't say you don't coz you do)
10). Go back to the bedroom and start fastening the poppers REMEMBERING that one fell off last time and you only have to wash this one four more times till all the poppers have come off and you can throw it away.
11). Shake your now perfectly assembled Duvet so that its nice and even, arrange it on the bed in a nice orderly way and deliberatley forget to put your pillows on your side of the bed (pisses the wife off - or used to when I was married coz she liked soft pillows and I prefer hard ones ... hehehe)
12). TA DA!! - Job Done!
Piece of piss.
A chance to invade Vicky??? Do I wanna miss it?? No Way!!
Stick my name down please.
Now, who wants to put me up for the night?
I guess there's one guy who's DEFINATELY on a promise tonight .... hehehe
Bon Anniversaire!! .... Scratch that itch!!!!
No probs Horny ..... be lovely to meet you both finally.
Don't do McDonalds anymore coz I've been up and down the country and can't one single burger that looks like the fecking picture!!!
Don't do Pizza Hut coz I was married to an Italian and it just makes me feel..... well. it just does ok!!!
Don't do KFC coz I read an article where a guy in the US bought a chicken fillet and when he bit into it all this pus oozed out - the chicked had cancer and they didn't spot it!!!
Don't do Burger King coz they're just a cheaper version of McDonalds at a higher price .... and their fries are cruddy!!!
Now gimme a nice kebab made up of all the shite they can't sell in it's traditional form ... ie. meat ..... compress it into a pile of goo. let it set, then keep it on a spit in a shop window for five days.... lovely!!! .....
Oops - there's that sarcasm again!!!
I hate this kind of thread...... a flounce by a newbie.. how dare they!!!. grrrrrr.
How can anyone expect to develop anything meaningful in just one month? Even in the vanilla world you'd struggle to develop more that an passing hello in less than a month. I suppose we're fair game in here and when we don't come across with the goodies straight away then newbies have every right to be pissed off...
Why am I always sarcastic on a Sunday morning???
I have some left over balloons from my 40th ..... they got 'Happy 40th Tosser' on them but they'll do won't they???
... plus I got a CD with The Sun today .. Medallion Music .. Tom Jones, Engelbert Humperdinck etc .... any good???
Face!.. Definately.
If I'm not physically attracted to someone in those first few seconds then it's just not happening. Having said that, people do tend to 'grow' on you and if I met someone who had taken good care of her figure then that would sway me to make love to her after spending time with her.
Feck, got me questioning myself now .....
Bollox .... does she have a pulse???
Aw... Wish I could come and meet yas ... was lovely seeing you both at the Woodford Social... unfortunately I have my daughter this weekend :cry:
Hey! - I got an 8 but I'm adding 1 more point coz of my answer to question 5. I'm flexible in my working hours and own a car so the NW is only a few hours drive from me. Does this mean I can shag ya now Blue??
I am sooooooooo pissed off about this but due to totally unforeseen circumstances I am gonna have to pull out of this one I'm afraid. GRRRRRR @ EX WIVES
Ok, seems plenty of girls are looking for guys to pair up with and vice versa. If you have paired up let me know as I will be posting a list of who's going on page 1 next week. If you don't want to be listed let me know. I have the contact details of a local hotel that naughtynmymphos has been in touch with and the hotel will provide transportation to and from the club. If you require these details please pm me.
The hotel is £50 per night per room
, coooeeeee Wishmaster... I'm waiting 
:rotflmao::rotflmao::rotflmao::rotflmao:
:? :? 
:happy: :happy: 
