Here is an example of a situation with an early years child. The child is at the stage where they are discovering everything via their mouths and fingers. Everything they come across is a new venture and exciting. They discover if they bite a fellow child they react by crying. They don't understand that the crying is due to pain they have caused as it has never happened to them. How do you explain to a child that is not yet able to converse or understand that what they are doing is not nice or acceptable?
One way to do this would be to take them away from the situation. This does not help their social skills or face the problem, which means it will likely happen again.
Another way would be sensory. By this I mean every time the child bites another child they receive a small tap and a command (ie NO! or Ouch! or similar expression).
Parenting is not easy, there is no manual and you do have to learn as you go along and work with the personality of the individual child. For me the best method was segregation, he hated being by himself, for others it may be different. As a teenager he now responds better to explained reasons why he should do something or not etc, we discuss and debate. Meaning the goal posts change almost as rapidly. You have to adapt and amend methods to fit the child.
One final note. One of the hardest things I found as a single mum was my sons need to play 'rough and tumble'. He has had the hugest belly laughs when I've pretended to be cross with him (putting on a silly voice) and put him over my knee and play smacked him. He has pleaded with me to play fight with him on his trampoline when he was around 8 to 10. I had to stop because he was getting big and I was getting hurt. This is one of the times when I had wished he had his Dad around more to do this with him. I think children need physical contact to a point and maybe the reason for this is so they can experience elements of pain that is controlled and learn from it.
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venus68
Over 90 days ago
Straight Female, 58
UK
Forum
Quote by Steve
I much prefer subdued(sp) lighting but I guess that stems from my confidence issues more than anything....
I agree that stark bright lights can be very unflattering and don't enhance the atmosphere at all. However the lighting that I am referring to is almost non existent. For example, yesterday I went to Utopia and the couples room had one tiny lamp in one corner which hardly provided any light at all. It almost felt like you should be discreet about playing.
I like to dress up when I go to a club and feel sexy in lingerie, but what is the point if the person you're playing with can't even see you? I've got a blindfold if I want that
What annoys me about the idea of legislation with a topic such as this is that it assumes that every parent in the Country hasn't got a clue how to raise their children with love, consistency, care and respect.
Most people understand the a young child is a delicate thing that needs nurturing and guidance and not abuse. Smacking a child if done careful and not in anger is a clear and concise way to give a warning that they are doing something wrong. Children that are young are not always able to reason between right and wrong as they don't have the experience, but they can understand that if the do A then B may happen and therefore avoid doing it again. Eventually they will fully understand why.
Adults that bully or abuse children will do so with or without laws being placed as they are not doing it for the good of the child, but for their own good. These people are already covered by law and it would perhaps be better to make the punishment longer for those that are found to have abused children, rather than start policing every parent who is trying to raise their child in a loving and controlled/gentle way.
My son is nearly 15 and I can only remember smacking him twice, one time was for running across a busy main road without checking first. I nearly died running across the road trying to save him. He didn't know it was wrong as he didn't get ran over, I smacked him so he new not to do it again. He never did do it again (thank God). It wasn't that he was left on his own as a child as he was holding my hand as we came out of a shop and pulled away on impulse. We didn't even need to cross the road, so it was quite a shock.
The other time was when we were at the shops and he stole a chocolate that was at low level. I didn't notice until after we left the shop, so I smacked his bottom, frog marched him back to the shop and made him apologies. As far as I know he has never done that again. On both occasions no mark was left and the tears were more to do with having upset me than being hurt. He would be far more upset if I sent him to his room than received a smack.
I do realise some people will be frowning at my response, but I'm proud of my son and our relationship and I will not believe that makes me a bad parent.
Most people understand the a young child is a delicate thing that needs nurturing and guidance and not abuse. Smacking a child if done careful and not in anger is a clear and concise way to give a warning that they are doing something wrong. Children that are young are not always able to reason between right and wrong as they don't have the experience, but they can understand that if the do A then B may happen and therefore avoid doing it again. Eventually they will fully understand why.
Adults that bully or abuse children will do so with or without laws being placed as they are not doing it for the good of the child, but for their own good. These people are already covered by law and it would perhaps be better to make the punishment longer for those that are found to have abused children, rather than start policing every parent who is trying to raise their child in a loving and controlled/gentle way.
My son is nearly 15 and I can only remember smacking him twice, one time was for running across a busy main road without checking first. I nearly died running across the road trying to save him. He didn't know it was wrong as he didn't get ran over, I smacked him so he new not to do it again. He never did do it again (thank God). It wasn't that he was left on his own as a child as he was holding my hand as we came out of a shop and pulled away on impulse. We didn't even need to cross the road, so it was quite a shock.
The other time was when we were at the shops and he stole a chocolate that was at low level. I didn't notice until after we left the shop, so I smacked his bottom, frog marched him back to the shop and made him apologies. As far as I know he has never done that again. On both occasions no mark was left and the tears were more to do with having upset me than being hurt. He would be far more upset if I sent him to his room than received a smack.
I do realise some people will be frowning at my response, but I'm proud of my son and our relationship and I will not believe that makes me a bad parent.
Recently I have noticed that a lot of clubs seem to have the lights really low.
Xtasia's main play area is really dark. It is almost impossible to read all the rules on the boards above the sofas.
Utopia is so dark in some areas you have to walk with a shuffle to make sure that you don't fall over.
Why are they so dark?
I thought part of the fun of swinging is that people are liberated and not scared of being seen, in fact isn't part of the fun watching what other people are doing?
So... what works for you?
Do you prefer to be able to see what is going on, or prefer things to be a little dark and mysterious?
Xtasia's main play area is really dark. It is almost impossible to read all the rules on the boards above the sofas.
Utopia is so dark in some areas you have to walk with a shuffle to make sure that you don't fall over.
Why are they so dark?
I thought part of the fun of swinging is that people are liberated and not scared of being seen, in fact isn't part of the fun watching what other people are doing?
So... what works for you?
Do you prefer to be able to see what is going on, or prefer things to be a little dark and mysterious?
Quote by Sassy-Seren
slipknot tickets went on sale at 9 am and i got 3 !!!!!!! yay !!!!!!
just need to pressgang someone into going with me now lol
Earthy x
You'll have a fab time babes. I saw them a few years ago in MEN arena and they were amazing! :bounce:
I've seen them a few years back too, great entertainment, great atmosphere and worthy of being seen again. Have a great time.
Quote by Calista
hero -
1. a man of distinguished courage or ability, admired for his brave deeds and noble qualities.
Given the endless hours of training, sacrifice and effort required to become top of their field then I think the word hero fits.
It takes a lot of bravery to be able to compete in the games ( imagine how many people are watching).
They may not be heroes in the same vein as the armed forces, etc but it takes the same amount of dedication and spirit.
This is where for me the word 'hero' does not fit. I don't look at the olympic winners and admire them for their bravery and noble qualities, but I do admire them for their ability to be so focussed, hard working and inspirational.
To me someone who is brave is risking their life in some way or doing something not for themselves, but to help someone else. Athletes are doing this for themselves first, even if that focus is to make someone else proud of them. There is also nothing to show that they are noble characters either, although I'm sure they are all dedicated and nice people.
I don't think winning 8 medals makes someone a hero, it makes them very good at what they do.
Quote by Steve
When I was that age, I didn't find women over 30 attractive, so I wouldn't have done it, on the other hand, he was clearly of a different mindset.
I had a pal the same age as me, and he twice had girlfriends over 20 year older than him, one was 26 yrs older than him, but she was rich.
My Father has had 5 wives, and one was only 3 yrs older than me (Yes, I did) and I was only 16 when he first got with her.
That is just so not right :doh:
My Dad has had 4, he couldn't afford a 5th
The thing that stops me is my maternal instincts. If a guy is not yet matured, so they have the ability to grow full facial hair, there body isn't developed enough and there voices are still breaking then I just don't get it.
However, it I come across a guy who has matured early and comes across in a way that allows me to forget the age gap then why not? Youngest person I have found to be able to do this is 21, I can't imagine anyone younger being physically mature enough, plus as my son gets older so does my ability to relate with younger men of his age group.
I tend to naturally see around 28 as the cut off point, which varies depending on the above statement.
I'm not sure if men have the same maternal instinct towards young women.
I also think that young people can be attractive, but I tend to look at them as 'potential' ie, one day that person will be stunning or very handsome as for me they are not yet the finished product.
Bit like watching you're favourite meal being cooked. No point eating it until it's come out of the oven as it won't taste as nice. (is that a crap analogy or what?)
*note - Some young men (20s+) I have met have been far more mature than some men of my own age.
However, it I come across a guy who has matured early and comes across in a way that allows me to forget the age gap then why not? Youngest person I have found to be able to do this is 21, I can't imagine anyone younger being physically mature enough, plus as my son gets older so does my ability to relate with younger men of his age group.
I tend to naturally see around 28 as the cut off point, which varies depending on the above statement.
I'm not sure if men have the same maternal instinct towards young women.
I also think that young people can be attractive, but I tend to look at them as 'potential' ie, one day that person will be stunning or very handsome as for me they are not yet the finished product.
Bit like watching you're favourite meal being cooked. No point eating it until it's come out of the oven as it won't taste as nice. (is that a crap analogy or what?)
*note - Some young men (20s+) I have met have been far more mature than some men of my own age.
Making a decision which means I can afford to buy my son what he wants for his birthday.
The fact that my dad is stable after his triple bypass, although I'll smile more when they stop sedating him and he starts to get stronger.
Having some lovely people come to my party on Saturday (especially as we're all going to be dressed up as Pirates and Wenches) ooohhhaaahhhhh and a bottle of rum!
The fact that my dad is stable after his triple bypass, although I'll smile more when they stop sedating him and he starts to get stronger.
Having some lovely people come to my party on Saturday (especially as we're all going to be dressed up as Pirates and Wenches) ooohhhaaahhhhh and a bottle of rum!
I used to sponsor a little girl in San Antonio (I think it was) but at the moment it's a struggle and every penny counts so the money goes in my sons belly instead. (Not literally)
The day I can afford to give my son pocket money again I will give to charity again. It won't be through Ebay mind and more likely to be something local.
Which reminds me of that 'secret millionnairre' programme. I so love that, very humbling.
The day I can afford to give my son pocket money again I will give to charity again. It won't be through Ebay mind and more likely to be something local.
Which reminds me of that 'secret millionnairre' programme. I so love that, very humbling.
I don't think they are heroes, but I do believe they deserve all the hype, pomp and ceromony, as they have to work very hard to get to that standard. We are a very small country compared to others competing and don't have the resouces or finances that many have to allow our athletes to train.
It is their commitment, guts and sheer determination that got them the medals and if that is not a good role model for our young and worth celebrating, then I don't know what is. Let the celebrations go on for as long as they want, that's what I say.
It is their commitment, guts and sheer determination that got them the medals and if that is not a good role model for our young and worth celebrating, then I don't know what is. Let the celebrations go on for as long as they want, that's what I say.
Quote by bbw_lover
I'm with you Venus … yeah call me shallow, but my priority is the same as you. I think looking at someone profiles you actually need all of those things to be able to make a reasonable decision.
I don't think I will call you shallow, because if I do then effectively I am calling myself shallow and that isn't me at all
I tend to go straight for the pictures, yes I think physical attraction is a good starting point. Then I look at their status (ie married/single)Then I look at what they have written to see if I can glean some kind of personality, then I look at the location and age.
1. Pictures
2. Status
3. Content
4. Location
5. Age
By the time I have got to the age I have pretty much made my mind up as to if I would like to talk to them further or not.
When you are looking at someone who has taken your interest (either by contacting you or in the chat room/forum/ads) and move on to their profile, what do you look at first? Do you have an order?
1. Pictures
2. Status
3. Content
4. Location
5. Age
By the time I have got to the age I have pretty much made my mind up as to if I would like to talk to them further or not.
When you are looking at someone who has taken your interest (either by contacting you or in the chat room/forum/ads) and move on to their profile, what do you look at first? Do you have an order?
My Mum bought me a blouse from M&S last xmas. I wore it out on a date for the first time and after just an hour or two I noticed there was a huge gap in the seem over my boob. Luckily it was a day time meet and the shops were still open, so I asked him if he wouldn't mind taking a walk over to the shop. (He was too polite to refuse).
After being given the choice to replace the item I went to find the same blouse again as I liked it. I found one in the same size and thought I had better try it on to make sure there were no faults on it. Would you believe I couldn't get it on, let alone do the buttons up.
I had to ask my friend to go find another one. He did, again the same size, but this time it swamped me. By this time I was getting a bit pissed off and decided to abandon buying the same blouse and found one that was made with a more stretchy material.
Half the problem is that they are getting these garments made so cheaply from countries that get paid next to nothing for their work, so standards slip. It's pure greed!
Dress size is just a guide line and can not be relied upon.
After being given the choice to replace the item I went to find the same blouse again as I liked it. I found one in the same size and thought I had better try it on to make sure there were no faults on it. Would you believe I couldn't get it on, let alone do the buttons up.
I had to ask my friend to go find another one. He did, again the same size, but this time it swamped me. By this time I was getting a bit pissed off and decided to abandon buying the same blouse and found one that was made with a more stretchy material.
Half the problem is that they are getting these garments made so cheaply from countries that get paid next to nothing for their work, so standards slip. It's pure greed!
Dress size is just a guide line and can not be relied upon.
Quote by whiplash
i have a face pic on my profile tis the same one as my avatar, the reason i have it is that i'm quite proud of it...I had it done about 2 yrs ago an a pro shoot. However after reading the comments on this post I'm seriously considering removing it, I'm not bothered about people recognising me or anything like that as i have no time for people who feel they can comment on my lifestyle with prior stereotypical judgements.. tis jus that a few of the comments have made me think that perhaps i should move into private.
Hmmm
It would be a shame if you did whiplash as it is a great pic, but like you say, it would be there for people to see on your request if you are really worried.
Some times I really wish I could put my face pic on. I'd much rather guys new what I looked like when deciding to message me, but it's not arisk i'm willing to take. Maybe one day if my business ever takes off enough for me to be self supporting and my son has all grown up. Will review in 5 years time
Quote by Lilmiss
Virgo here
And its my bday next week
I was born on Friday the 13th
I'm going to be 40 in a few weeks. I wonder if you go through that pushing through a narrow channel feeling when your life begins again? I wonder if someone will slap my bum and make me cry? Will I be covered in wet slippy stuff?Will I become a virgin again and would someone like to help me loose it again? lol.
Quote by duncanlondon
I had a lunch meeting with a woman from a cheating/dating site. Now after a few phone calls, chats etc it was obvious that had very little upon which to form a decent realtionship. Practicalities were such that it was unlikely we could meet in a reliable or consistent way. Therefore I had a growing feeling that we were doomed not to consummate ourselves with the glory of a nice little bonk.
However we still met just to check each other out, practice our social and flirting/dating skills, have a friendly lunch and experience the human contact instead of through the media. We met in a bar she uses a lot, so she felt safe as she was known there.
Maybe its just our age being 50 plus that made something like this a do-able thing. But I appreciated the fact that the woman came to meet me and made the effort to be friendly. We split the bill and had an enjoyable interlude in our lives.
We were both fine about not proceeding, and it was satisfying to have done this and effectively draw a line under the events and knocked it on the head. Although I suspect we both felt that if we had found each other irrestistible we would have done the deed in a hotel on the day. But that wasn't the case.
So what made us bother? We had both worked on our phone calls, emails etc and things looked like they had some kind of prospect. We had got on well in those early stages, so it looked likley that we might find each other a potential partner.
So I think that is where one needs to be careful when opening a new relationship. Exercise some caution and look at the practicalities of what will or won't work, before taking the next step.
I'm not sure how this relates to the topic? There must have been initial attraction for you both to continue discussing meeting? If there wasn't any attraction would you have continued?
Personally I just don't have enough free time or opportunity to meet everyone who is interested in me. It's just not possible. Without a process of selection I'd been wasting loads of people's time as I would be continually putting them off and apologising for not being able to meet until the year dot, but they were in a queue. (sounds a bit like it is now actually).
There have been times when I have said, sorry but not for me and they have responded in a way where we have striked up conversation and my mind has been changed, but that is also rare.
Sometimes we just have to accept that we are not what is being looked for. Believe me there are loads and loads of married guys on here I fancy the pants off, but I wouldn't dream of approaching them as a single straight woman when I can see on their profile they are looking to play as a couple with a bi female. What would be the point?
To be honest i'm just thankful I didn't give him my msn to reply to as he has sent 2 nasty replies since I started this thread. I'm really glad I said no now.
I hate to think what might have happened if we had met for a drink and I had said no at that point. I can't imagine it would have been pretty.
I hate to think what might have happened if we had met for a drink and I had said no at that point. I can't imagine it would have been pretty.
Today I responded to a guy who was interested in meeting up with me. I asked him for a face pic and told him if I liked what I saw we could take it from there.
He very kindly and quickly sent me a face pic, but on this occassion I decided he was not for me and politely said thank you, but I won't be taking it any further.
I've been out, done a few chores and come back to a message with 3 more body pics and a message saying that I am a timewaster, I'm shallow and couldn't handle a real man.
Now... this did make me cross to begin with and then I thought on.
I wonder if other people considered timewasters have simply just said, sorry but not for me? Are there really less timewasters involved in swinging than we would be led to believe?
I have directed him to feedback on a different site so he can see that I am not a timewaster, I told him not to take it as personal rejection, as it had nothing to do with him but I need to feel attracted to someone if all i'm doing is having sex with them and as far as shallow is concerned... he wants sex with a women he has never seen the face of? But isn't prepared to get to know me as a person (or doesn't want to).
Surely swinging to a point is a shallow hedonistic occupation anyway? It's all about giving yourself what you want, not about what other people want. You keep searching until you find people that are looking for the same thing and then indulge in it.
What do you think, is rejecting someone because you don't find them sexually attractive Shallow? And is it reason enough to be called a timewaster?
What do you consider to be a timewaster?
He very kindly and quickly sent me a face pic, but on this occassion I decided he was not for me and politely said thank you, but I won't be taking it any further.
I've been out, done a few chores and come back to a message with 3 more body pics and a message saying that I am a timewaster, I'm shallow and couldn't handle a real man.
Now... this did make me cross to begin with and then I thought on.
I wonder if other people considered timewasters have simply just said, sorry but not for me? Are there really less timewasters involved in swinging than we would be led to believe?
I have directed him to feedback on a different site so he can see that I am not a timewaster, I told him not to take it as personal rejection, as it had nothing to do with him but I need to feel attracted to someone if all i'm doing is having sex with them and as far as shallow is concerned... he wants sex with a women he has never seen the face of? But isn't prepared to get to know me as a person (or doesn't want to).
Surely swinging to a point is a shallow hedonistic occupation anyway? It's all about giving yourself what you want, not about what other people want. You keep searching until you find people that are looking for the same thing and then indulge in it.
What do you think, is rejecting someone because you don't find them sexually attractive Shallow? And is it reason enough to be called a timewaster?
What do you consider to be a timewaster?
My brain/body is driving me maaaaadddddd!!!!!
I can't pin point when or why, but my brain keeps waking my body up after 6 hours sleep. Last night I went to sleep thoroughly knackered at around 10pm, then I wake up just gone 4am and can't get back to sleep. It is starting to have an affect, as I feel continually tired.
Why does my body do this?
How do I stop it?
Has this happened to you and how do you handle it?
I can't pin point when or why, but my brain keeps waking my body up after 6 hours sleep. Last night I went to sleep thoroughly knackered at around 10pm, then I wake up just gone 4am and can't get back to sleep. It is starting to have an affect, as I feel continually tired.
Why does my body do this?
How do I stop it?
Has this happened to you and how do you handle it?
If playing with an established buddy I do not feel the need to be more than 'comfortable' around any other found play mate (ie male for mmf etc).
If playing as a single woman I want to feel a form of friendship, as in enjoy their company and hope they feel they are enjoying my company too. I think it is important to be able to laugh while intimate and enjoy the moment in a relaxed atmosphere, which can only be found with chemistry. So... in order to get that chemistry I prefer to meet in a public environment and have a platonic drink. That way the next time we meet I know pretty well we will both have a great time. The only exception to this is meet for a drink and move on to chams together.
I will make this pretty clear before meeting, if that is what the single guy is not looking for, I suggest they keep to couples and meeting buddies or singles that do not require this. Do the research and avoid disappointment.
If playing as a single woman I want to feel a form of friendship, as in enjoy their company and hope they feel they are enjoying my company too. I think it is important to be able to laugh while intimate and enjoy the moment in a relaxed atmosphere, which can only be found with chemistry. So... in order to get that chemistry I prefer to meet in a public environment and have a platonic drink. That way the next time we meet I know pretty well we will both have a great time. The only exception to this is meet for a drink and move on to chams together.
I will make this pretty clear before meeting, if that is what the single guy is not looking for, I suggest they keep to couples and meeting buddies or singles that do not require this. Do the research and avoid disappointment.
Quote by __random_orbit__
someone once told me I went down like a girl (thier words)
not sure whether it was compliment, or whether they were refring to an earlier trip-hazard that had me stumbling and screaching in an aisle of crisp-crunch biscuits
lp
I wonder how one would go about finding out?
