Todays sick joke
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wildwilly
Over 90 days ago
Straight Male, 52
0 miles · Clackmannanshire
Forum
Casanova
This blokes in bed with his missus when there's a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He
rolls over and looks at his clock to see it's half three in the morning.
'Sod that for a game of soldiers,' he thinks, and rolls over.
Then, a louder knock follows.
"Aren't you going to answer that" says his wife.
Sighing, he drags himself out of bed, and goes downstairs. He opens the door and
this bloke is stood outside.
"Eh mate" says the stranger, "can you give us a push??"
"No, p*ss off, it's half three. I was in bed" says the man and shut the door.
He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says,
"Dave, you are a tw*t. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on
the way to pick the kids up from the babysitter and you had to knock on that
man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to
p*ss off??"
So he gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs. He opens the
door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts:
"Eh mate, do you still want a push??". Somewhere nearby he hears a voice cry
out.
"Yeah please mate, that'd be great."
So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts:
"Where are you?" and the stranger replies....
"I'm over here on the swings."
old ones are always the best
rolls over and looks at his clock to see it's half three in the morning.
'Sod that for a game of soldiers,' he thinks, and rolls over.
Then, a louder knock follows.
"Aren't you going to answer that" says his wife.
Sighing, he drags himself out of bed, and goes downstairs. He opens the door and
this bloke is stood outside.
"Eh mate" says the stranger, "can you give us a push??"
"No, p*ss off, it's half three. I was in bed" says the man and shut the door.
He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says,
"Dave, you are a tw*t. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on
the way to pick the kids up from the babysitter and you had to knock on that
man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to
p*ss off??"
So he gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs. He opens the
door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts:
"Eh mate, do you still want a push??". Somewhere nearby he hears a voice cry
out.
"Yeah please mate, that'd be great."
So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts:
"Where are you?" and the stranger replies....
"I'm over here on the swings."
old ones are always the best
Casanova
Thank you to everyone at SH for advice posted in the Forum. I had my first meeting with a couple through the Swinging heaven ads, and it was very pleasant indeed, I got exactly what I was looking for, in fact this is the first time I have been able to sit down....in front of my computer in days. What a fantastic hobby, much better than stamp collecting.
After
thanks again WW
After
thanks again WW
Casanova
One afternoon a rich man was riding in his limousine when he saw two men
along the roadside eating grass.
Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate. He
asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"
"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to
eat grass."
"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the
Gentleman said.
"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there,
under that tree."
"Bring them along," the rich man replied.
Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us also."
The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, "But sir, I also have a
wife and SIX children with me!"
"Bring them all, as well, all the better!" the rich man answered.
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as
large as a limousine.
Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the rich man and said,
"Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The rich man replied, "Glad to do it! You'll really love my place; the
grass is almost a foot high!".....
who said the old ones are the best
along the roadside eating grass.
Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate. He
asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"
"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to
eat grass."
"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the
Gentleman said.
"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there,
under that tree."
"Bring them along," the rich man replied.
Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us also."
The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, "But sir, I also have a
wife and SIX children with me!"
"Bring them all, as well, all the better!" the rich man answered.
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as
large as a limousine.
Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the rich man and said,
"Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The rich man replied, "Glad to do it! You'll really love my place; the
grass is almost a foot high!".....
who said the old ones are the best
Casanova
Youth now flees on feathered foot,
Faint and fainter sounds the flute,
Rarer songs of gods; and still
Somewhere on the sunny hill,
Or along the winding stream,
Through the willows, flits a dream;
Flits, but shows a smiling face,
Flees but with so quaint a grace,
None can choose to stay at home,
All must follow, all must roam.
This is unborn beauty: she
Now in air floats high and free,
Takes the sun and breaks the blue; -
Late with stooping pinion flew
Raking hedgerow trees, and wet
Her wing in silver streams, and set
Shining foot on temple roof:
Now again she flies aloof,
Coasting mountain clouds and kiss’t
By the evenings amethyst.
In wet wood and miry lane,
Still we pant and pound in vain;
Still with leaden foot we chase
Waning pinion, fainting face;
Still with gray hair we stumble on,
Till, behold, the vision gone!
Where hath fleeting beauty led?
To the doorway of the dead.
Life is over, life was gay:
We have come the primrose way.
Unless of course they charge by the letter then it would be "X marks the spot"
Faint and fainter sounds the flute,
Rarer songs of gods; and still
Somewhere on the sunny hill,
Or along the winding stream,
Through the willows, flits a dream;
Flits, but shows a smiling face,
Flees but with so quaint a grace,
None can choose to stay at home,
All must follow, all must roam.
This is unborn beauty: she
Now in air floats high and free,
Takes the sun and breaks the blue; -
Late with stooping pinion flew
Raking hedgerow trees, and wet
Her wing in silver streams, and set
Shining foot on temple roof:
Now again she flies aloof,
Coasting mountain clouds and kiss’t
By the evenings amethyst.
In wet wood and miry lane,
Still we pant and pound in vain;
Still with leaden foot we chase
Waning pinion, fainting face;
Still with gray hair we stumble on,
Till, behold, the vision gone!
Where hath fleeting beauty led?
To the doorway of the dead.
Life is over, life was gay:
We have come the primrose way.
Unless of course they charge by the letter then it would be "X marks the spot"
Casanova
It’s really not my habit to intrude
Furthermore, I hope my meaning won’t be misconstrued
But I’ll repeat myself at the risk of being crude
There must be FIFTY days to eat your mother, sorry fifty ways to leave your lover
1. Slip out the back, Jack
Does anyone know the rest please?
Furthermore, I hope my meaning won’t be misconstrued
But I’ll repeat myself at the risk of being crude
There must be FIFTY days to eat your mother, sorry fifty ways to leave your lover
1. Slip out the back, Jack
Does anyone know the rest please?
Casanova
I think this informative piece of journalism was for the benifit of the junkies out there who were having a hard time of it breaking and cheating their way into pensioners houses, just to come away with a tenner and a piece of eccles cake.
Come on Junkies get your act together, go for the handbags!
I liked the story about the guy who broke into a pensioners house, the little old lady there insisted on showing him pictures of her children, grandchildren budgies etc, for so long that he fell asleep, where she promptly phoned the polis.
Come on Junkies get your act together, go for the handbags!
I liked the story about the guy who broke into a pensioners house, the little old lady there insisted on showing him pictures of her children, grandchildren budgies etc, for so long that he fell asleep, where she promptly phoned the polis.
Casanova
Ever just wanted to loose all control, release all those inhibitions, things you would never dare ask for, but have only thought about on those quiet moments in the shower or lying awake in bed at night??????
Well call the expert, all fantasies catered for, free estimate, speedy response, fast friendly staff, no purchase necessary, just one item per customer, (Gingers need not apply)
Don’t delay cum today
Well call the expert, all fantasies catered for, free estimate, speedy response, fast friendly staff, no purchase necessary, just one item per customer, (Gingers need not apply)
Don’t delay cum today
