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Roger's Basic Advice for Single Men

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Well, I wasn't doing anything else this evening so I figured I might as well try to put together something to answer the questions that a lot of single newbies seem to be asking lately.
All comments are welcome! Don't hold back; tell me what you think...
(Updated 25th June 2005)
Basic Advice for Single Guys
This document aims to answer a few of the questions most commonly asked by single men coming into the forum. It's not a bible for getting your end away, or a magic formula for attracting pussy. It's just some simple, basic advice to chew on. I may not even be correct in some respects; feel free to disagree to your hearts' content.
I'm guessing you've stumbled into the forum after hearing about swinging, or dogging, and want to get involved. Maybe you've already posted an advert or responded to some adverts, and are growing concerned that thus far, you've had nary a nibble. Believe me, you aren't the first man to come here with this kind of problem, and if you use the forum's Search facility you can often find where your question has been asked - and answered - many times before.
1. You're In A Big Crowd
The first thing you have to realise is, there's more men looking for sex online than there are women. Lots more. Swinging-Heaven is continually growing but at the time of writing, the number of adverts in each category was:
Women seeking Men: 147
Men seeking Women: 5,226
Couples seeking Men: 575
Men seeking Couples: 3,155
What does this mean? For every woman's attention, you're going to be competing with a lot of other guys. Women and couples frequently get many hundreds of responses to their adverts, and if they look at the photo ads then they can choose from thousands of men - and of course, with this range of choice, they'll choose the absolute best guys they can.
So if you ever want to get as far as chatting with or even meeting anyone, you have to put yourself across so that somewhere, some woman will believe that you may be one of the best.
2. All Those Other Guys Have Dicks Too
It's a good idea to try to differentiate yourself from those thousands of the other men; to make yourself stand out from the crowd. You need what in marketing circles is called a Unique Selling Point. However, this is where you're very lucky - because you already are a unique individual with your very own personality and unique qualities. What you need to do is demonstrate that specialness to the people you want to contact.
Quote by Male Stereotype
Hi I'm Roger; 28, very fit, big dick, looking for no-strings action in West Midlands area.

Lots of men's postings in the Let's Meet Up forum look a lot like this and, while I'm not saying no-one's ever pulled with something similar, you really can give yourself a much better chance if you invest a little effort. The example above makes me think of a small child who's been given a bike for his birthday, proudly showing off his new toy to his family and neighbours. "Look at me," says my advert, "I have a penis!"
The problem is that the other 5,225 single men on this website all have a penis too. They all have hard dicks and they're all horny. So this is hardly a unique selling point. I personally don't think there's any point in making a big deal of your penis unless it is genuinely abnormally humungous (something close to a foot) and you have photographs to prove it. Exceptionally large penises certainly do hold a novelty-factor for a sizeable number of women, but those women also tend to be aware that endowment sizes get exagerrated by over-eager men. So don't. If by some miracle you did get to meet a lady, she'll notice pretty quickly if your alleged 11 inches is closer to 11 centimetres!
While we're on this subject, opinion amongst women is split on the subject of dick-pictures. Some women like them; others however do not. If you must use a dick-picture in an advert, or send one to someone, always use a facial picture as well. (And no, that doesn't mean a picture of you spewing your load in some poor girl's eyes - it means a clear picture of at least your face.) NEVER use a dick-picture on its own, otherwise people will think that you really are a dick. (While we're on that subject, NEVER use a dick-picture as an avatar graphic in the forum - this is against the rules and you will be asked to change it.)
3. Wowing Women
The important thing with any advert or advert response is to set yourself apart from all the other guys. I'm not saying you need to write your full life story but mention a little bit about who you are, what you're like, and what you're looking for. And don't just tell people what you're like; show them. Let your personality shine through in your words, and you'll have something that stands at least a chance of wowing a woman.
Try to imagine how what you're writing will be viewed by the women you're trying to target. Remember that these people are all strangers; they don't know you, and they start out by not caring about you at all. They don't care how horny you are, how long it is since you last had sex, or how unfulfilling your marriage may be. They really don't give a damn about your dick being hard. And why should they? Before you can begin to sow the seeds of attraction, you need to make people believe that you are someone worth knowing. I can't tell you how to do this; everyone is different, everyone has a different style, different strengths and weaknesses.
BTW, when writing an advert make sure you mention what kind of person you're looking for too. Some people have actually written things like this:
Quote by Male Stereotype
Need my dick sucking today! Roger; 28; Birmingham area; very nice cock.

Does this person mind if the mouth on their penis belongs to a woman, or a man, or a man dressed as a woman? Or a 5-year-old golden retriever?
Likewise, when responding to someone's advert, always take care that you match any specific criteria they ask for. So if they want a man 6'4 and athletic, and you're 5'3 and tubby, you'll only be wasting your time and theirs if you send them a message!
4. Being Ignored Is Part Of The Territory
It's frustrating, and we've all been there. You see an advert placed by a gorgeous woman. You put your heart and soul into writing a response; tailoring it to her, editing it into a state of perfection. You send it. And you never hear back.
Unfortunately, this is a part of the scene. As I mentioned, women and couples get hundreds and hundred of replies to their adverts, and usually they just give up on the hope of even replying to the vast majority that don't interest them. From your point of view; this is impolite, and rude. You put a lot of effort into writing your very best response and you get nothing - not even a rejection message - back. But there's no point whailing and railing about it - it's just one of those things. When I was replying to ads, about 95% of my replies went unanswered. You can either reply to another advert - and probably be ignored again - or stop now and give up.
5. Get To Know People
Maybe your ad responses are falling on deaf ears and your own advert isn't getting noticed among seven thousand others. What can you do to actually reach other people?
The Swinging-Heaven website has a very active community; it's very easy to join in, and it's a great way of getting to know lots of fun, sexy people. The Cafe - one of three discussion forums on the site - is full of people discussing this, that - everything. Read some of the topics and if you have something to add, post a reply. If you have something to share, feel free to start a new topic. Maybe someone will read your posts and post a reply of their own and - hey presto, you're communicating with other people! Slowly you'll become a part of the community and maybe you'll really hit it off with someone - and from there, who knows?
One tip I can give for interacting in the forum is: never give without receive, and never receive without giving. This means: don't just ask a question, tell us what you think too. You don't want to give the impression you want to suck up opinions like a sponge. And likewise, don't just tell people what you think; listen to their opinions as well. You're not an evangelical radio DJ spouting gospel to the world; other people's viewpoints will be just a valid as your own. Maybe moreso.
Also, there are a few topics that keep coming back up again and again; if you think someone's likely to have been asked before, use the "Search" feature in the forum before asking again. You'll probably find lots of valid and entertaining opinions just waiting for you, and don't be too shy to post a reply in an old topic if you feel the need. Two topics that especially seem to come up again and again are: pubic hair removal/grooming, and 'does penis-size matter'?
People in the forums periodically arrange what are called "Munches" - these are private parties that are purely social gatherings - so they certainly won't devolve into orgies of wanton hedonism. smile They're a good way to meet people in a relaxed, non-pressured environment.
6. When Your Little Soldier Doesn't Measure Up
It can be depressing; looking through women's ads and seeing how many you can't answer because your penis isn't big enough to fit into the legendary "VWE" (Very Well-Endowed) category. But again, don't obsess over this - many of those women just want to experiment with a big dick, or happen to like them. And so what? You can't force people to find something attractive when they don't. And there's also women who dislike penises that are more than average in length or girth - so it's not as though a large penis is a skeleton key that can open any bedroom door in the land.
7. Sexual Discrimination
"No single males", says advert after advert. "No single men!" says the sexy lady in the chatroom. Unfair, isn't it? I bet they still see single women!
Some single men have given the rest of us a bad reputation. Some single men are rude, pushy, arrogant, ignorant... it's no surprise that many swingers have gone off us. Others just don't find single men attractive, and aren't interested in playing when another woman isn't involved. (And given how lovely women are, can you really blame them?)
Again, you can moan about this, but it really doesn't do any good. In fact, you'll just do further damage to the reputation of single men, as even more people will view us as ignorant adolescents who moan if they can't get a shag.
8. Virgin Sacrifice
A recent trend has seen male virgins advertising for women to take their virginity away. Thus far I have yet to hear of one male who was successfully deflowered thanks to such an advert.
This comes back to what I was saying earlier about the need to make people care about you; people who don't know you couldn't care less if you're a virgin or not. If people desparately wanted to help perfect strangers out of the goodness of our hearts, they'd be handing out food packets in Iraq rather than devirginizing young men in the UK. You simply can't expect people to take pity on you and teach you about sex just because you want them to.
9. What's The Secret?
There's no secret formula for seducing women. There are things you can do to increase your chances, and make yourself more desirable, but at the end of the day - there's no magic button you can press to make a woman appear magically at your door. (Unless you have your local escort agency on speed-dial.) Every woman is different, and every woman likes different things. What turns one woman into a quivering pile of goo might leave another completely unmoved.
There's lots of advice out there if you look for it; read it, digest it, take it all on board. But don't believe it's all automatically true, or that it will turn you into an irresistable sex-god. Chew it over in your mind and decide which bits are most suitable for your current situation.
The Swinging-Heaven website has an Advice section that contains lots of useful information for you to digest, including a Guide for Single Men written by Heather, who gives a woman's perspective on this game. Also have a look at Marcuso's advice for single males, written by a single male who has made a success of the swinging life.
10. And What If Nothing Happens?
Quote by Lt_Frank_Drebin
It's like having sex. It's a painstaking and arduous task that seems to go on and on forever, and just when you think things are going your way, nothing happens.

As we've seen, as a single guy on a swinging website, the odds are stacked against you. All the advice in the world can't overcome that; you need luck. A lot of luck.
Whatever you're doing - chatting in the Cafe, responding to adverts, sitting in the chatroom - it's very important that you enjoy the activity. Have fun with it. You may get lucky and meet someone straight away; it may be a very long time before anyone shows any interest in you. Maybe nobody ever will. So make sure you're having fun, and if at the end of the day your number hasn't come up - at least you've still had fun. :)
Appendix A: You're a Man. Be Proud!
The advice has ended. However, perhaps you'll forgive me for tacking a bit of philosophy onto the tail.
Trying to make contact with people through this site can be a soul-destroying business, as most will ignore you completely. In this context, if you ever do get a promising lead, it can lead you to jump on, pursuing it no matter what it offers, in the belief that's all you'll ever get. I don't like to advocate naval-gazing, but - stop. Think. Is this what you you were looking for? Is what is offered something you'd enjoy? If not, then don't be afraid to say "no" - because no "action" at all is better than "action" you don't want.
Likewise, sometimes people may advise you to "turn bi" as the only way to get some sex out of this site. I think it's fairly inarguable that men looking to meet men have a better chance of sucess than men looking to meet women - there isn't the huge numeric imbalance for one thing. And if you're gay, or bi, then more power to you. If you're curious, good luck and I hope you enjoy it. I'm not here to preach homophobia. But "because I couldn't meet a woman" is a bad reason for re-evaluating your sexuality, in my opinion. Just think carefully, and if it's what you want, go for it. If not, let it pass you by.
What I'm basically saying is: you're a man. Be proud of that, and have a healthy sense of your own self-worth. You're a unique individual with your own hopes, desires, thoughts and dreams. You're not just a penis with legs, or some anonymous sex-toy for the ladies to use when they're bored and there's nothing on TV. The purpose of this site and others like them is to meet other adults for mutual fun - and mutual means yours as well as theirs.
Meeting other people for sex won't make you any more or less of a man. Focus on quality not quantity, and if you never meet anyone that's better than a thousand meets you didn't enjoy. The teacher won't give you a merit point the first time you penetrate someone through Swinging Heaven, and nobody will award you a gold carriage clock when you reach 100 sexual partners.
Have fun.
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Roger good Sir, a well rounded and thought out post.
Many have tried to say this before, may your valient attempt not fall on the deaf ears of those hordes of single horny blokes out there... Guys read this, its good advice...
Then again I suppose if you reading my little note you most likely already have read it,, umm, ok then if you single read this again it full of good advice smile
A happily married and lucky for it male...
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Well done Roger. A well thought out post that was well scripted.
Your most important bit was one of your last comments. Have fun. Laughs and chuckles in the forum is what keeps me hooked. Without that, I would have moved on. This bunch of nutters have me rolling on the floor laughing everytime I come on.
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Really good post, Roger
I'll aim this short comment at the single guys, as it is more relevent to them, but still holds true for most.
Come on this Site with a view to having fun and making friends.
If those two events happen - great.
If sex comes along as well - superb.
But make sure your priorities are right, fun first, sex as a by-product.
You will be surprised how often you can achieve your ultimate goal wink
Master of Sex
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A good point well made & I'm living proof that attitude works.
Not been here to long but already had some very nice successful meetings with some really great people
Patience is a virtue someone once said, couple that with good manners & polite behavior & you'll go far
Sex God
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well done roger... that was very well put up and thought about.. and saves me us having to say the same thing all the time...
any chance of putting this up as a sticky? should save the questions straight away....
sean xxxxxx
Sex God
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Hey.... great post Roger..... very helpful indeed! Consider it stickied. Maybe Mark would find the time to place this post in the advice section as further advice for single guys???
Sex God
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Once again, superb stuff Roger
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A very nice post, well thought out.......Nice one Roger!!! smile
Warming the Bed
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Just wanted to say that the post was very infomative......really only common sense but as a newbie its nice to see how things are done....good on ya. biggrin
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jesus roger you we're at a loose end weren't ya? how's the sequel to war'n'peace coming BTW??? ;-)
seriously, i can add nothing to your sage advice. except yes, indeed! pretty much the path i've trodden ( trod/tread/treadden dunno ) and to single males everywhere, roger's spot on IMHO! ( the voice of ((( extremely limited ))) experience ) :lol2: ;-)
neil x x x x x x
Forum Virgin
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Great Post Roger,
good advice and keeps up all the motivation.
Warming the Bed
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As a single bloke myself, Roger's article definitely rings true. I’ve been busy on swinging and dating sites for a year now and got absolutely nowhere apart from some chat.
I don’t understand why are there so many single men on dating/swinging sites and so few women ? Are there more men than women ? Probably not. Are men more Internet savvy and therefore more likely to use swinging sites ? I suspect the real truth is that men like sex more than women.
My experience after a very frustrating year is that if you’re desperate to get laid the only way is to pay for it.
Warming the Bed
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Roger....first class I'd say.
I have been lucky enough to meet people from advertising here and I must say it is abour being honest and a little different.
There is also the aspect of where you live to consider to. I know I am willing to travel within reason but beware those singles that think travelling hundreds of miles is going to help... meeting people first is very important and a certain amount of chemistry is needed for things to be what you hope for. My advice is to try things locally to you...once you have the one meeting this may lead to others.
Hope that helps people too...but Roger is top poster of the month i'd say! lol
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have noted your comment about the photos daisy-saisy!
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can we have one for the sgl fem too? please!
we just dont know what to do! lol
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Perhaps you could write one, WBB? lol
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Quote by mal609
Perhaps you could write one, WBB? lol

perhaps i could mal, how about next time you and i meet up, we spend the time doing something productive... like writing the single fems guide?
:twisted: :lol: deal??????
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long hand or shorthand or do you do dictation?
I used to have a dictaphone - now I use my fingers! rotflmao
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biggrin May I just point out one thing that no-one as yet has not metioned and that is the silly childish names that single males seem to attract ?? You know the ones "WideGirth" "BigBlkDic" etc etc etc you know it the list is endless with the names they come up with . Come on guys if your really serious a simple name such as "pete_Sheff etc I think that way you would not be seen or treated as a dickhead before you even start typing "Hi who wants a shag lol".
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Quote by BiFemHants
:Come on guys if your really serious a simple name such as "pete_Sheff etc I think that way you would not be seen or treated as a dickhead before you even start typing "Hi who wants a shag lol".

erm......... kind of like..............neilinleeds? woo hoo! ;-) still get called a dickhead tho, but maybe that's just me! <<< and bicurwankerinleeds just don't have the same ring to it! >>> lol rite, now who wants a shag??? :P
neil x x x x x
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Quote by BiFemHants
LOL Niel ikkle willie :P

:shock: :shock: :shock: :uhoh: :rude:
oi ffs. ok ok i s'pose i asked for that! but you're still getting a smackbottom :P
neil x x x x x
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bicurwankerinleeds!!!! :rude: wasnt me :angel: :giggle:
Forum Virgin
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A good steer thanks Mate !
Charlie boy
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Hi Roger
What an informative sticky to all single guys.
Just to even the balance, us single women also get the run around, spending time chatting and getting to know someone, texts etc. only then to be stood up with no explanation. Manners cost nothing and goes a long way.
Enjoy and have fun.
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Sorry you've had such experiences Alex_female. Are you still going to the motel mini-munch?
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Well said Alex_Female I myself have had Hundreds yes HUNDREDS of replys to my ad only to find out they are timewasting idiots who for some reason wont or cant be bothered to read what is said in the ad . sad As for the males well what can I say ?? The first thing it says on mine is "NO MALES NO MALES etc etc and still get the dickheads (and thats being polite )trying it on or for some sad reason only known to them , trying to fool me my pretending to be fems and the ones who do try it on and are errrrrrrr honest about their sex never get a look in just cos of a silly childish nickname i.e vvwegoodlookingguy confused All I can say is "Come on guys and you ladies open and honesty costs nothing and goes a long way in this style of life.
God do I really whine this much ? More cheese vicar ??
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Can I just ask Rodger743 started all this but as yet has NOT posted 1 comment about the replys he has got from this ??? is he shy like me lol .Well at least he has a sensible name lol