When I was extremely young (I was possibly 3 or 4 years old - and yes, I remember so don't tell me I don't), my older sister (by 3 years) would take to prodding, poking, jabbing and eventually hitting me. Each time I reported, it was laughed off as "young pups play-fighting", except I always knew it took two pups to play fight, not one to hit and the other to receive.
Eventually several months later (the rugrat I was then) I was running round the house with no shirt on, and my sister (the darling young princess she was) was worried I'd embarass her infront of her "friends" (alas, the barbie doll generation), so she resorted to peeling the spine off a dry palm tree and whipping me with it. Considering the toughness of the material, and my age (I was only 5) it left cuts on my back which were bleeding (thankfully there's no scarring).
No matter how many times I begged and pleaded, she would not stop, even after I had stopped running round the house and sat quietly - she had gotten the taste and would not desist. Now she was never the best at "interacting and getting on with people" but this was ridiculous - that was when I saw red mist.
All I recall is turning towards her whilst I felt my little hand close. The result was a seemingly planted blow from a 5 yr old to the tummy of his older sister. My parents were called and my sister taken to hospital, where she spent 3 days supervision. I was scared, really scared I had done her serious damage, even then I understood I had a temper and must never let it get the best of me.
I've never gotten into a situation that resulted in blows since thankfully - I somehow manage to walkaway. However that day my father made sure he instilled his own idea of punishment, just to make sure I remember the consequences of my actions.
His points however I disagree with:
1) You're the man, you should no better (at 5 ffs?)
2) Never disrespect your elders (even when they resort to unwarranted violence, cause they can?)
3) If there's a disagreement between you both, report it (sure - and get laughed off again, like you always do, and then cuddle her and call her daddy's special girl?)
Unlike conventional couples, this was a "relationship" that I had no choice to walk away from, was not taken seriously (by my own parents) when reported, yet made the scape goat if I reacted, even verbally as it was deemed "disrespect", so for years I took it.
Over 25 years later, and she's still a spoilt brat (I've recently had to write cancel a mobile phone line and write off the bills as she's refused to pay a penny for the last 5 years she's had the phone as her parting words were "Leave me alone and go bother someone else". PS: She works, has a 3 bedroom house, 2 cars and has a bigger salary than I do - so money is not her problem.)
For me its not as simple as "Men shouldn't hit women", in my opinion, NO ONE should hit another (ideal world) however saying that, I do feel any woman that raises her hand to hit ANY man in the hope she can yell "You can't hit me - I'm a woman" risks losing her right to that claim. Moral: Don't start what you can't finish. As some would say, those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.
However, to re-pose the original questions:
1) As the male, was I wrong to hit her?
2) As a 5 year old, was I wrong to hit her?
3) Considering she hit first (and kept on hitting) was I wrong to hit her?
4) Considering, years later, her behaviour has not changed... was I still wrong, all those years ago, to hit her?
I still can't answer these.

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