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DarkEyedPhil
Over 90 days ago
Straight Male, 62

Forum

Quote by willxx69
...if people find out how good it is down south they may never want to go back to the frozen wastelands of the north! lol :lol: (that was a joke, by the way! rolleyes)

I came south just for a few months.....in 1995....I can't find the exit....I think I'm being held hostage and no-one cares to pay the ransom (two conkers and a tube of smarties).
I do miss horizontal rain and short vowels.
True or false:
1. Elephants can't jump, because they can't bend their knees. But they can swim, quite well.
2. Victoria Beckham can sing
3. Virgin Trains are reliable, comfy and cheap
4. Tim Henman will win Wimbledon one day.
Which 'random fact' did I not just make up? confused
Here's the acid test to determine whether someone really has flu or just a cold, however stinking that cold may be.
If there was a jackpot winning lottery ticket lying outside your front door which is yours if you go and get it now. Would you go and get it?
Answer 'Yes', you've got a cold
Answer 'No', you're pretending to have flu
Issue a barely audible groan - yep, you've got flu.
Quote by Him'nHer
Well neither of us have ever done anything special or met anyone famous........ we are just boring people rolleyes
well that's killed this thread then innit :roll:

Ha! Not so fast, there! :P And I don't believe anyone is genuinely boring, unless you are judging by lack of names to drop, which would make me unbelievably boring.
So....I've had a in my hand a personal cheque ( i.e. signed by an individual) for 12.5 million pounts! Sadly, not payable to me :cry: , but sometimes fraud is tempting lol
I've performed on the Edinburgh Festival Fringe three times - and had higher than average audiences!
I've made a citizen's arrest.
Hmmm....
Diana Krall, Nigella Lawson, Kate Robbins. Not only would the sex be great but the music, food and entertainment would all be taken care of lol
There are occasions and situations in which it is only possible to hum to express your happiness. However, this does seem to have gone down, so to speak, quite well surprised
Quote by blueocean
For those who havent licked a 9 volt battery (no logical reason why you should to be fair) you get a mild electric shock on your tongue and a funny taste, very reminiscent of the taste of ...... well ermm let's say hygienically challenged pussy. bolt

a) Because yer kinky ...ahem, so I'm told ;)
b) To find out if there's any charge left.
Personal Hygiene Pet Hates? Greasy, lank hair. No fun at all to run your hands through or have trailed over your body.
No, I don't .....but somehow I just knew you were going to ask that question :confused:
I'll get me coat
Having "Richard and Judy" on in the next room. biggrin.
Seriously, major sleep deprivation and/or way too much to drink.
Oh, and several old sports injuries!
Quote by Vix
T*ries cut taxes, in order to keep the wealthy wealthy and to stuff the little man. They the social benefits, that should be available to the needy, in order to let 'old money' keep their pocket change.

:thumbup: What she said.
Quote by Tra-n-Lee
But everything is politics!
:thumbup: And them.
Ken Clarke has more popular appeal. Liam Fox is smarter. David Davis has more experience. Cameron supports several vote-losing policies.
Quote by Yoda
Foot in themselves shot have
Telling my boss she's doing a great job. Regularly.
Telling myself a) I'll win the lottery, b) I'll be glad I went to gym when the pain stops and c) sudoku isn't a complete waste of time.
Chicken tikka massala
Sweet and sour pork
Apple strudel
Croissants
Black Forest gateau
Toblerone
Perrier
Stella Artois
Ahhh....hang on a mo....
The Shipping Forecast.
The fine art of understatement
Old-fashioned pantomime
Village cricket
The NHS
Ah-ha!t - Yorkshire pudding! biggrin
Quote by Tra-n-Lee
"so join us and stop wasting your time on ugly people and have a gang of beautiful people for the price of one!" rolleyes

The bit I've coloured red rather puzzles me - what is the price of one beautiful person?
In your position, I think I'd have played along, then after spending 10-15 mins checking them all out I'd have shouted "Beautiful people? Ha! Obviously none of you owns a mirror!' and legged it sharpish lol
Well, first priority should be that you can get a coffee without having to do all that ridiculous 'tall, frothy, skinny, double shot, free-range, mocha-frappa-lattessocino' gobbledegook. Can we do the ordering in English please? And can we have cakes like at Betty's in Harrogate?
Yep, :thumbup: to Macs - OS X is the best user-friendly desktop OS all things considered (IMHO smile ).
If cost is a problem (as it was for me a while back) get a cast-off old PC and revive it with a free LInux or BSD system - easier than they were, but still be prepared for a steep learning curve!
If you want a conspiracy theory - Gates has chosen not to devote some of MS's vast resources to improving the inherent insecurity of Windows because he sees a lucrative market in separate security products, which co-incidentally MS are beginning to move into by acquisition. It's like making a car with square wheels, then buying out all the companies that pop-up and invent round wheels, and charging extra for them rolleyes
There is always one consolation when told one is too young - you will without doubt get older.
On the other hand, when you are too old, you not going to get any younger sad.
Personally, I would only use age as a guideline, not an absolute bar. I will tend to have more in common with people around my age - we share cultural references and our stage of life etc.
Now, just thinking aloud...are age limits more or less 'unfair' than other criteria? 'You must live locally' - not fair, I'm prepared to travel. 'You must be fit', or slim, or v.w.e. (however you define/measure that) - not fair, I have a great personality and mindboggling technique. 'You must not be a pyschopath'....erm, OK, fair enough biggrin.
Any criteria or requirement can seem 'unfair' (assumptive, prejudiced, stereotyped) from someone's point of view. But we all have our preferences, and in this sexual context we should be free to express and adhere to them. And people who know what they want are much easier to please than those who have no idea what they want! Like I say, just thinking aloud....I'm curious smile.
(Sorry, does that constitute a hijack? :shock: )
I'm sorry Sarah, it was difficult decision but I have absolutely no will power where bribes are concerned lol
I'd defo vote for you in a 'Nipples of the Year' contest though ;)
Yep, it's a hecker of a pecker! lol Got quite a bend to it too. No wonder Parkinson didn't enjoy the amorous advances of Mr Hull's alter ego.
I'm certainly old enough to remember Skippy! "What's that Skip? There's a little-known Aussie bit part actor trapped under a fallen tree by the billabong? Streuth, mate, crack me a tinny!" There was a hilarious take-off on 'Goodness Gracious Me' featuring the Punjabi Skippy...
Quote by naughtynymphos1
what bar next to your user mane where?
i ain't got a bar :shock:
i demand one right now smackbottom

I'm not too fussed about a bar next to my user name. What I want is a bar next to me! With beer and food and good conversation and ....and ....more beer!
Quote by Mr&MrsBeds
I'd design a train set with loads of cunniling...erm cunningly shaped tunnels, with a special control to move the trains in and out of the tunnels in a suggestive fashion biggrin

Do you need a track?!?!...I have a tunnel or two..heehee
Perhaps you might be able to help with some beautiful rolling hills too! lol
I hear the worst symptoms are a sudden craving for millet and an urge to sit in trees and crap on the cars parked below.
Frankly, I think it will be a case of one flu over the cuckoo's nest.
I'll get me coat.
I'd design a train set with loads of cunniling...erm cunningly shaped tunnels, with a special control to move the trains in and out of the tunnels in a suggestive fashion biggrin
John Motson years ago - "For those of you watching in black and white, Tottenham are playing in yellow". Possibly apocryphal, but it's just the sort of thing that Motty would say.
Quote by Chimone
Can I hi_jack this thread
Hi Peeps, I'm new here and need some tips.

Hi Peep
DEP's top tips this Sunday are:
1. Weekend breaks in Baghdad aren't a good idea just now.
2. Don't use Fiery Jack for sensual massages
3. The next Harry Potter book will be even longer than the last ....unfortunately.
But my very favourite tip is a former open cast coal mine just outside Barnsley.
Hope that helps :grin:
Anything off the menu at Macdonalds - they smell bad enough, never mind the taste and texture
Celery - tastes so bad it has to be bad for you
Starbucks coffee - tastes the same as water as far as I can tell!
Chardonnay of any kind - cos it's sooo 2003 biggrin
Johnny Walker Red Label Whisky - it's paint stripper in disguise
Mozzarella and any 'Mild' cheese - not worth the bother of chewing it
Golden Delicious apples - just bags of water
They should have shaken it up and gone for a female Bond. 'The name's Bond....Jemima Bond'. Fiona Bruce would've been a shoe-in for the role. If she turned it down, Uma Thurman.
Since they've been boring and stuck with a man, it should've been Clive Owen but he can't act for toffee Inot that that's mattered much before). Or Billy Connelly.
OK, everybody - put your hands in the air, nobody try anything, this is a stick-up!
I mean a hijack redface .
Erm....Anyone been anywhere nice today? I've been to Comet and B&Q.
After much careful consideration of all the possible options, I think the first thing on my list is a willingness to shag me. lol :shock:
Quote by jas92888
Clearly the one currently being used is measuring everyone about 3" longer than they really are!!!!!

Actually I think it's just marked off in those new-fangled centimetre thingies and they haven't noticed. That'll explain the phenomenon. That or they're taking into account the portion of the article in question that is hidden inside the body (which is considerable, I believe). Plus there is no standard measuring technique: someone should define the SH Official Penis Measuring Method (SHOPeMM)
We're probably just better off with a piece of string.
I will just add Mr Madge (Guy Ritchie)'s latest, 'Pants', because pants is indeed what it is - a big pair of baggy, off-white pants. I thought 'Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Pants' was geezer 'n' guns drivel, and 'Pants Away' wasn't a great deal better. But 'Revolver'...erm, 'Pants'....really takes the gusset. Probably the worst film I've ever seen, and I've seen 'Bikini Girls from Dinosaur Island' rolleyes. Total waste of a Saturday night.