Quote by tim-jas
and get very confused.
Let's be honest - it don't take much - does it?
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: *runs for cover*
Fred
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FredFlintstone
Over 90 days ago
Straight Male, 62
Bisexual Female, 58
UK
Forum
Too much imbalance in this thread - time a man stepped in and gave it some balance....
Anyone know where Arti is???????????????
REVENGE!
**********************************************
Please note that with the arrival of the new 'Drive-thru' cash point machines customers will be able to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. To enable users to use this new facility the following procedures have been drawn up.
Please read the procedure that applies to your own circumstances (Male or Female) and remember them for when you use the machine for the first time.
MALE PROCEDURE
1) Drive up to the cash machine.
2) Wind down your car window.
3) Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4) Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5) Retrieve card, cash, and receipt.
6) Wind up window.
7) Drive off.
FEMALE PROCEDURE
1) Drive up to cash machine.
2) Reverse back the required amount to align car window to machine.
3) Re-start the stalled engine.
4) Wind down the window.
5) Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
6) Locate make-up bag and check make-up in rear view mirror.
7) Attempt to insert card into machine.
8.) Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
9) Insert card.
10) Insert card the right way up.
11) Re-enter handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
12) Enter PIN.
13) Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
14) Enter amount of cash required.
15) Re-check make up in rear view mirror.
16) Retrieve cash and receipt.
17) Empty handbag again to locate purse and place cash inside.
18) Place receipt in back of cheque book.
19) Re-check make-up again.
20) Drive forwards 2 metres.
21) Reverse back to cash machine.
22) Retrieve card.
23) Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
24) Re-check make-up.
25) Restart stalled engine and pull off.
26) Drive for 3 to 4 miles.
27) Release hand brake.
Anyone know where Arti is???????????????
REVENGE!
**********************************************
Please note that with the arrival of the new 'Drive-thru' cash point machines customers will be able to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. To enable users to use this new facility the following procedures have been drawn up.
Please read the procedure that applies to your own circumstances (Male or Female) and remember them for when you use the machine for the first time.
MALE PROCEDURE
1) Drive up to the cash machine.
2) Wind down your car window.
3) Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4) Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5) Retrieve card, cash, and receipt.
6) Wind up window.
7) Drive off.
FEMALE PROCEDURE
1) Drive up to cash machine.
2) Reverse back the required amount to align car window to machine.
3) Re-start the stalled engine.
4) Wind down the window.
5) Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
6) Locate make-up bag and check make-up in rear view mirror.
7) Attempt to insert card into machine.
8.) Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
9) Insert card.
10) Insert card the right way up.
11) Re-enter handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
12) Enter PIN.
13) Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
14) Enter amount of cash required.
15) Re-check make up in rear view mirror.
16) Retrieve cash and receipt.
17) Empty handbag again to locate purse and place cash inside.
18) Place receipt in back of cheque book.
19) Re-check make-up again.
20) Drive forwards 2 metres.
21) Reverse back to cash machine.
22) Retrieve card.
23) Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
24) Re-check make-up.
25) Restart stalled engine and pull off.
26) Drive for 3 to 4 miles.
27) Release hand brake.
Here is one that Wilma likes:
For those in the Sisterhood
1. If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it will always be yours. If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to begin with. But, if it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and doesn't appear to realise that you had set it free....... You either married it or gave birth to it.
2. Reason to smile: Every 7 minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
3. They keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies. Mine isn't all that communicative but I heard from it the other day after I said, "Body, how'd you like to go to the six o'clock class in vigorous toning?" Clear as a bell my body said, "Listen fatty.... do it and die."
4. My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.
5. The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
6. Amazing!! You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks two sizes!
7. Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.
8. I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That's my idea of a perfect day.
For those in the Sisterhood
1. If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it will always be yours. If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to begin with. But, if it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and doesn't appear to realise that you had set it free....... You either married it or gave birth to it.
2. Reason to smile: Every 7 minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
3. They keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies. Mine isn't all that communicative but I heard from it the other day after I said, "Body, how'd you like to go to the six o'clock class in vigorous toning?" Clear as a bell my body said, "Listen fatty.... do it and die."
4. My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.
5. The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
6. Amazing!! You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks two sizes!
7. Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.
8. I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That's my idea of a perfect day.
If anyone has to post an email address on a website they can avoid it being harvested. What you have to do is put your email address into a decimal entity as opposed to an ascii entity. Anyone using harvesting software will not be able to read the email address and therefore cannot harvest it.
If you look at the source for our web page - whilst it shows our email address in ascii on the page - in the source it looks like a load of gobbledegook!
If you need to use a program to do the translation for you rather than typing in the decimal versions then go here:
Enter in your email address and copy the resultant code to your web page and place it where the email address should be using a text editor.
becomes & #116;& #104;& #101;& #102;& #108;& #105;& #110;& #116;& #115;& #116;& #048;& #110;& #101;& #115;& #064;& #098;& #105;& #103;& #102;& #111;& #111;& #116;& #046;& #099;& #111;& #109; (except I had to put a lot of spaces in to show you the code or it would have just displayed the email address again!) :doh:
Result: REDUCED spamming from email harvesting
Hope it helps.
Fred
If you look at the source for our web page - whilst it shows our email address in ascii on the page - in the source it looks like a load of gobbledegook!
If you need to use a program to do the translation for you rather than typing in the decimal versions then go here:
Enter in your email address and copy the resultant code to your web page and place it where the email address should be using a text editor.
becomes & #116;& #104;& #101;& #102;& #108;& #105;& #110;& #116;& #115;& #116;& #048;& #110;& #101;& #115;& #064;& #098;& #105;& #103;& #102;& #111;& #111;& #116;& #046;& #099;& #111;& #109; (except I had to put a lot of spaces in to show you the code or it would have just displayed the email address again!) :doh:
Result: REDUCED spamming from email harvesting
Hope it helps.
Fred
Quote by VenusnMars
He`s gas a fearsome rputation with our daughter`s boyfriends1
I think you need to slow down on the Night Nurse and Benylin cocktails hun! Phew!
:wink: He will be really pleased to know his gas has a fearsome reputation - A thing only a man could be proud of!Quote by MrsFC
what I meant to post did not come out as I had hoped
ops: :oops:
It was no 2 of Freds post..........................................
And I'll have a pint of whatever you're drinking as well!
:roll: Fred
I look at the honoured list of all the ladies who have posted in this thread and several thoughts cross my mind:
1) If only your fathers could see you in here now they would be so proud - NOT!
2) "It worked for me so it will work for her" ought to be rethought - considering who it is you are all asking for advice - us lot!
3) I am going to be exactly the same in about 5 years and will still not heed the warnings of my own words.
4) If any of these young men knew what their girlfriends mums did you would have a snowball in hells chance of stopping them pursuing their ultimate goal - or you (shades of Mrs Robinson!)
5) I had better go before my mother catches me in here!
Fred
1) If only your fathers could see you in here now they would be so proud - NOT!
2) "It worked for me so it will work for her" ought to be rethought - considering who it is you are all asking for advice - us lot!
3) I am going to be exactly the same in about 5 years and will still not heed the warnings of my own words.
4) If any of these young men knew what their girlfriends mums did you would have a snowball in hells chance of stopping them pursuing their ultimate goal - or you (shades of Mrs Robinson!)
5) I had better go before my mother catches me in here!
Fred
Dear Technical Support, I seem to be having a problem with my system….
Last year I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from Drinking Mates 4.2, which I have used for years without trouble - apart from the odd blank screen and occasional loss of memory. Apparently, however, there are conflicts between these two systems. The only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off, but to make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several of my other applications such as; Lads Night Out 3.1, Golf 2.2 and Playboy 6.0.
Successive versions of Girlfriend proved to be no better; Girlfriend 3.0 has many Bugs and left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down for several weeks. Eventually, I tried installing Girlfriend 2.1 as well as Girlfriend 1.0 only to discover when these two systems detected each other they caused severe damage to all my hardware, and forced me to revert to my trusty Palm 5.
Sensing a way out I upgraded to Fiancé 1.0 only to discover to my dismay that this system requires rapid upgrading to Wife 1.0. This uses up all available resources and deletes FreeSpeech 2.1 automatically.
However, it does come bundled with FreeSex Plus and Cleanhouse 2004. FreeSex Plus can be useful, but is date sensitive, appearing to deny access unless unlocked via the Interflora Hyperlink or GoldCard Unlimited!
To my cost, I have discovered that not only can Wife 1.0 be unstable and costly to maintain, but also that any mistakes I make are automatically stored in Wife 1.0 Random Access Memory. This appears to be held on a special area of the hard drive and cannot be deleted. These mistakes then have an annoying habit of re-surfacing years later, usually after BogSeatUp 0.4 has been used three times in succession or LoudFart Exchange has been launched in the local shop!
Wife 1.0 also has an automatic InterDiary Explorer and E-mail Porn Filter, and automatically runs PhotoSTROP and when I least expect it. No option on the Help menu seems to work, leaving me to try to guess the fault myself.
The system needs updating regularly requiring Shoeshop Browser Pro for new attachments, and Hairstyle Express needs to be reinstalled every week. It has also refused to load my Marbella Mania and Tourguide Extreme games, stating they are illegal operations.
When Wife 1.0 attaches itself to Car 1.0, it often crashes, forgets to run Maintenance Wizard or runs the system dry. Wife 1.0 also has a rather annoying pop-up called Mother-in-Law , which can't be turned off.
Recently I have been tempted to try Mistress Millennium add-on, but there could be problems. If Wife 1.0 detects the presence of Mistress Millennium, I am told it will automatically load Solicitor for Dummies and delete all MSMoney files before un-installing itself, and becoming a virus.
Last year I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from Drinking Mates 4.2, which I have used for years without trouble - apart from the odd blank screen and occasional loss of memory. Apparently, however, there are conflicts between these two systems. The only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off, but to make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several of my other applications such as; Lads Night Out 3.1, Golf 2.2 and Playboy 6.0.
Successive versions of Girlfriend proved to be no better; Girlfriend 3.0 has many Bugs and left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down for several weeks. Eventually, I tried installing Girlfriend 2.1 as well as Girlfriend 1.0 only to discover when these two systems detected each other they caused severe damage to all my hardware, and forced me to revert to my trusty Palm 5.
Sensing a way out I upgraded to Fiancé 1.0 only to discover to my dismay that this system requires rapid upgrading to Wife 1.0. This uses up all available resources and deletes FreeSpeech 2.1 automatically.
However, it does come bundled with FreeSex Plus and Cleanhouse 2004. FreeSex Plus can be useful, but is date sensitive, appearing to deny access unless unlocked via the Interflora Hyperlink or GoldCard Unlimited!
To my cost, I have discovered that not only can Wife 1.0 be unstable and costly to maintain, but also that any mistakes I make are automatically stored in Wife 1.0 Random Access Memory. This appears to be held on a special area of the hard drive and cannot be deleted. These mistakes then have an annoying habit of re-surfacing years later, usually after BogSeatUp 0.4 has been used three times in succession or LoudFart Exchange has been launched in the local shop!
Wife 1.0 also has an automatic InterDiary Explorer and E-mail Porn Filter, and automatically runs PhotoSTROP and when I least expect it. No option on the Help menu seems to work, leaving me to try to guess the fault myself.
The system needs updating regularly requiring Shoeshop Browser Pro for new attachments, and Hairstyle Express needs to be reinstalled every week. It has also refused to load my Marbella Mania and Tourguide Extreme games, stating they are illegal operations.
When Wife 1.0 attaches itself to Car 1.0, it often crashes, forgets to run Maintenance Wizard or runs the system dry. Wife 1.0 also has a rather annoying pop-up called Mother-in-Law , which can't be turned off.
Recently I have been tempted to try Mistress Millennium add-on, but there could be problems. If Wife 1.0 detects the presence of Mistress Millennium, I am told it will automatically load Solicitor for Dummies and delete all MSMoney files before un-installing itself, and becoming a virus.
Pilot Conversations
The following are exchanges between airline pilots and control towers from around the world:
While taxiing at London Gatwick, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 767. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Aircrew, screaming "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C's and D's, but get it right!" Continuing her tirade to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically
"God, you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?" "Yes ma'am," the humbled crew responded. Naturally the ground control frequency went terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to engage the irate ground controller in her current state. Tension in every cockpit at LGW was running high. Then an unknown pilot broke the silence and asked "Wasn't I married to you once?"
A DC-10 had an exceedingly long rollout after landing with his approach speed a little high. San Jose Tower: "American 751 heavy, turn right at the end of the runway, if able. If not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."
Unknown aircraft: "I'm fucking bored!"
Air Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"
Unknown aircraft: "I said I was fucking bored, not fucking stupid!"
Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7"
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we are sure we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"
Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern and have already notified our caterers"
The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange; between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign "Speedbird 206":
Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."; The BA747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944 but it was dark and I didn't stop."
O'Hare Approach Control: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, One o'clock, three miles, eastbound."
United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got the little Fokker in sight."
A PanAm 727 flight engineer waiting for start clearance in Munich Overheard the following:
Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak English."
Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German aeroplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?"
Unknown voice (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war!"
The following are exchanges between airline pilots and control towers from around the world:
While taxiing at London Gatwick, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 767. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Aircrew, screaming "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C's and D's, but get it right!" Continuing her tirade to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically
"God, you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?" "Yes ma'am," the humbled crew responded. Naturally the ground control frequency went terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to engage the irate ground controller in her current state. Tension in every cockpit at LGW was running high. Then an unknown pilot broke the silence and asked "Wasn't I married to you once?"
A DC-10 had an exceedingly long rollout after landing with his approach speed a little high. San Jose Tower: "American 751 heavy, turn right at the end of the runway, if able. If not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."
Unknown aircraft: "I'm fucking bored!"
Air Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"
Unknown aircraft: "I said I was fucking bored, not fucking stupid!"
Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7"
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we are sure we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"
Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern and have already notified our caterers"
The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange; between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign "Speedbird 206":
Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."; The BA747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944 but it was dark and I didn't stop."
O'Hare Approach Control: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, One o'clock, three miles, eastbound."
United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got the little Fokker in sight."
A PanAm 727 flight engineer waiting for start clearance in Munich Overheard the following:
Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak English."
Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German aeroplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?"
Unknown voice (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war!"
There is an easy way to reduce the great majority of both telephone calls and Junk mail.
The Telephone Preference Services and the Mailing Preference Services will register your name and number will all mailers as being one that prefers not to receive mailings or telesales calls.
It can take up to 6 months for you to see a complete drop off as people buy old lists or use out of date ones. However - everyone who is involved in direct marketing of any sort must comply with the Privacy and Electronic (EC Directive) Regulations 2003.
We do not get any junk mail and the only telesales calls we get are from companies we use and we easily stop that by advising the caller we are a member of the Telephone Preference Service and they should not be calling us and to remove our number from their database.
You can also register to stop "Silent calls" as well on the site.
Anyone who calls you in future you can just report them and tell them you are doing so.
Go to the link above and tyou can access all the services from there.
Works a treat for us!
The Telephone Preference Services and the Mailing Preference Services will register your name and number will all mailers as being one that prefers not to receive mailings or telesales calls.
It can take up to 6 months for you to see a complete drop off as people buy old lists or use out of date ones. However - everyone who is involved in direct marketing of any sort must comply with the Privacy and Electronic (EC Directive) Regulations 2003.
We do not get any junk mail and the only telesales calls we get are from companies we use and we easily stop that by advising the caller we are a member of the Telephone Preference Service and they should not be calling us and to remove our number from their database.
You can also register to stop "Silent calls" as well on the site.
Anyone who calls you in future you can just report them and tell them you are doing so.
Go to the link above and tyou can access all the services from there.
Works a treat for us!
Gotta feeling this is gonna hurt you more than it is gonna hurt me Sarge. :twisted: :twisted:
What time did you start drinking tonight? :shock:
Whatever time it was far too early - can't wait til you sober up and read what you have said to dear old -ummmm- young - Wilma...............
On another point - (coz I is old!) - you know you are getting old when you think every other crisp except plain tastes like shite. At 20 you ate Worcester sauce and Hedgehog flavoured ones - now even Prawn cocktail makes your toes curl!
Fred
What time did you start drinking tonight? :shock:
Whatever time it was far too early - can't wait til you sober up and read what you have said to dear old -ummmm- young - Wilma...............
On another point - (coz I is old!) - you know you are getting old when you think every other crisp except plain tastes like shite. At 20 you ate Worcester sauce and Hedgehog flavoured ones - now even Prawn cocktail makes your toes curl!
Fred
Quote by Jags
But your bum is SO GOOD to slap Fred - I can just see it covered in red hearts with the arse ripped out ready for the smacking...
Sometimes I do love this place :happy: :happy: :happy:
Just a bloody minute. That was a wedding anniversary present you were talking about and I'll have you know it was Wilma that ripped the arse out of them messing about!
And you never saw my arse! :shock:
(Unless you count the last party!
ops: :oops: )Fred
Okay - I have done some research into this.......
For a company to make us 500 enamel pins in the 3 colours will cost a total of including tooling costs, manufacture, shipping and VAT making an end price of each.
For 1000 the total cost is making an end price of each.
This makes the cost prohibitive in my eyes to go for a personalised pin. However we could go for an off the shelf one and they can be as low as each. Only problem with that is what if some poor innocent is wearing the badge and you walk up and say - "Hi, see your a member of Swinging Heaven - wanna shag" and promptly get yourself arrested........
Think this one is gonna die as an idea from the pin standpoint.......
Any other ideas?
Fred
For a company to make us 500 enamel pins in the 3 colours will cost a total of including tooling costs, manufacture, shipping and VAT making an end price of each.
For 1000 the total cost is making an end price of each.
This makes the cost prohibitive in my eyes to go for a personalised pin. However we could go for an off the shelf one and they can be as low as each. Only problem with that is what if some poor innocent is wearing the badge and you walk up and say - "Hi, see your a member of Swinging Heaven - wanna shag" and promptly get yourself arrested........
Think this one is gonna die as an idea from the pin standpoint.......
Any other ideas?
Fred
Quote by corrie
Aaaah what a lovely way to wake up to see both Sarge and Fred being slapped - hehehe
You can go off some people you know!
I don't get this??????????
Everyone else gets a full blown slap and mattmoleman gets a cuddle????
:? :? What powers does he possess.... :shock:
Can he lick his eyebrows......
Can he breath through his ears.......... :roll:
Or is he one of the VVVVWE, all nighter, quick repeater and heavy cummer brigade that Jags has found through her daily trawl of the cock pics. :twisted:
We all knew he was short on thinking power.. All he had to do was go back and delete his original posting and claim innocence and he would have got away with it. :roll:
But NOW all this will do is encourage bad behavior in order to win cuddles from Jags and a short stay nestled in her cleavage. (BTW - Matty - keep your eyes open for keys to the GFZ, Kat, Fly the sheepdog and an Armoured Personnel Carrier that Sarge "misplaced" a few weeks ago whilst you are in there please.)
Fred
Quote by mattmoleman
Cheers Fred. :boxing: Why don't you kick me while I'm down?
Been there - done that - got the blood stained T-shirt!
I won't kick you mate - I'll just WATCH others doing it - far less energetic and also prevents me spilling my beer - which would get me into trouble with MrFC and Sarge as being a crime against mankind.........
And you know how much I hate being in trouble around here.....
Just be grateful it was not Bluexxx on GMT patrol - THAT would have been worth paying for the tickets! :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:
WHY ARE WE WAITING? WHY ARE WE WAITING?
I have the power of life over death here..........
Do I delete the thread and save poor moles life.........
Or do I sit back with another beer and wait for the ensuing bun fight when Jags awakes from her evening slumber and pulls on her zip up Bri-nylon nightie and one piece slipper and sits down with her mug of cocoa and 2 Rich Tea, puts her curlers in and her hairnet on and then goes for a meander through the forum.....
Fuck it - I'll wait!
Fred
*pass the bottle opener Sarge!*
Do I delete the thread and save poor moles life.........
Or do I sit back with another beer and wait for the ensuing bun fight when Jags awakes from her evening slumber and pulls on her zip up Bri-nylon nightie and one piece slipper and sits down with her mug of cocoa and 2 Rich Tea, puts her curlers in and her hairnet on and then goes for a meander through the forum.....
Fuck it - I'll wait!
Fred
*pass the bottle opener Sarge!*
Oi - you squinty eyed fruit bat - I'm over here!
FFS! - will someone turn him round - put his sword in his hand and not Arti's divining stick and turn his sabre mask round - he is trying to look through the cloth back! :doh:
And sort his ruffle out as well - it's ruffled!
:shock: What has she been doing to you man - you look terrible! :shock:
Fred
(shout if you need this republishing in a bigger font Will - always willing to help!)
FFS! - will someone turn him round - put his sword in his hand and not Arti's divining stick and turn his sabre mask round - he is trying to look through the cloth back! :doh:
And sort his ruffle out as well - it's ruffled!
:shock: What has she been doing to you man - you look terrible! :shock:
Fred
(shout if you need this republishing in a bigger font Will - always willing to help!)
Quote by Sappho
Jersey Royals, swimming in orgasmic butter.........
Can you pick me some of that stuff when you next go shopping hun - ran out ages ago and can't seem to find it anywhere.
Sex over food anytime for me - at least sex doesn't make my clothes shrink............
Chocolate comes a close second though. Sappho really knows the way to a man's heart there. (Wilma says she does as well - between the 3rd and 4th rib from the back with a sharp knife!)
Fred
Quote by clarensteve_lincs_69796
Thanks to everyone for some great responses to our now had 3 swinging experiences and originally I thought that kissing would be no problem,but after last night i've had to revise this.I found that seeing my wife full on with someone else snogging away and fondling I got extemely upset. :cry:
The fondling I had no problems with as this turns me on to see my wife giving and recieving,but the kissing part really got to me,and has led me to decide that in our situation kissing is now a no no.
It will in future be a case of getting down and doing everything else exept the kissing aspect.
Steve
I think you have highlighted a very important point here Steve. Whilst there are things we can all think we can do - the reality is sometimes different. Plus you have acknowledged that different situations cause different reactions (we call 'em blips and have had one or two!). The main issue is that you have the ability to stop it if you are uncomfortable about it or to discuss it afterwards and change future behaviour. Well done for being honest about your change of feelings.
I have read this thread with interest and previous ones as well. I will now comment as one half of a swinging couple with a years worth of experience.
We have always been a tactile and loving family. Anyone we know who comes to our house is always hugged and kissed and our children are the same. In fact they would think it funny to see us not greeting people we are friends with in a warm and affectionate way. We seem to have an open house that is always full of friends or kids in varying numbers!
We kiss during swinging according to how we feel. Because I know Wilma loves me and we have a strength in our relationship which I can see lasting for the rest of our lives I attach no more thought to the act of her kissing someone else - either male or female - than I do to her going down on another man or woman. They are all just sexual acts of varying degrees of sensuality and sexuality.
Blue said what is the point of kissing strangers and I actually agree - but we do not do clubs or dogging and by that action I suppose we only ever swing with people we know and have become friends with.
One question I will ask though is how many men of couples would not feel comfortable with their partner kissing another man but love to see them kissing another woman if their partner is bi? To me this is a conflict because kissing is the same act - whether it is with a man or a woman.
Personally I love to see Wilma free from constraints enjoying herself with another man or woman or in a group and I feel comfortable myself knowing that I am free from those constraints as well and never having to worry if she is getting upset by something that I consider trivial but she considers to be a big deal.
Do I ever worry that she will find a better kisser than me or someone better than me in her life just because he is a better kisser???? Who knows - but no constraint I ever put on her will ever stop her from leaving me if she chooses to and therefore I choose to give her the freedom to choose what she does with other people and the choice to come home with me if she wishes.
It has worked so far............... and I do think she loves me more for giving her the freedom to choose what she does with her sex life and not me making those choices for her.
Does that make sense????????? and I wonder what Wilma thinks of this thread....
Fred
XXXXXXXX (For those who can and want them!)
