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Keith3006
Over 90 days ago
Male

Forum

Quote by JudyTV
rotflmao :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: It all sounds good to me Keith.
I have never been dogging but if anyone wants to take me one night then you know where I am wink I have tried just about everything else except sheep.
Blue, you and Satin could take me one night, I will bring the sandwiches and hot coffee.
JudyTV

Ha! trying to do me out of my couple of bob selling sarnies and coffee eh?
As I've mentioned in another thread, I shall be moving shortly to a new home. Well it's not exactly new, it's a three hundred year old cottage, but the point is I've discovered it's right on the edge of a dogging site and there's a footpath leading past my front door to the said site. Now my question is this:
Should I ensure there are heavy drapes at each window, and ignore the torchlight procession passing by at night, or,
Leave the kitchen door open and serve light refreshments (bowls of soup on cold nights)? Also,
Would it be a good idea to have a condom machine fitted to the outside wall of the cottage?
Your advice and suggestions might be worth looking at.
Keith3006
Quote by VenusnMars
What the hell were you doing in our car and why?!!
That`s all I need, another bloody stalker! rolleyes
Venusxxx

Please don't shout at us, were only dogging, not stalking, honest officer redface surprisedops:
And we're trying to set this up in the warm, for your comfort and well-being, plus the members enjoyment as a whole, of course. cool
Quote by RSAB2
Right folks after much negotiation and taking in all Missy's expert advice we've decided on the following:
There will be a heated Ford Cortina/Granada or Rover 'Vandan Plas'- (for the more cultured members!!) available for use including interior lights and cigarette lighter. :giggle:
For added authenticity a green sunblind will be emblazoned across the windscreen bearing the names Carl & Sharon.
Artificial grass will line the floor but the smell of freshly cut grass and the odd cowpat will be blown in with the slightly damp and musty air to give participants the feeling of the great outdoors.

Any other suggestions welcomed.......
Mr & Mrs RSAB2

Don't forget the fluffy dice dangling from the interior mirror :!: And the empty coke bottle of the floor behind the front seats, and the over full ash tray rolleyes
Quote by MISSCHIEF
rotflmao :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
You Buggers!!!!!!
Now as the new self certified dogging expert, might I suggest windows that can only be seen one way cool
Not sure which way round tho :confused: ...... I mean, do we want to see the doggers without being seen, or do we want to be seen without seeing the doggers :undecided: dunno
Definitely some heating, cos it gets bluddy cold ..... and it ain't gonna get any better this side of Christmas! :shock:
hmmmm what else :undecided:

Hi MissChief,
Nice to see you having a look round our club, and as always your wiseness is appreciated. However, in your excitment of discovering that this club is going to try and accommodate all members, you seem to have made a tiny feu paux. You see there'll be no need for heating, as it's a set designed within a room, and it will be impossible for us to have the air conditioning blowing ice cold blasts through the open windows of Neil's Cortina, while maintaining an ambiant temprature in the other rooms we have yet to theme.
Although I have no idea about dogging, and will happily bow to your greater experience, I am wondering how one way windows work? I can understand your thoughts on privacy in one direction or the other, but my brain tells me that for there to be interaction between the lookers and doers, at least the side windows have to be open, and surely this defeats the object of having one way glass, or is there protocol prohibiting the lookers from doing anything more than looking at the doers, and the doers requiring the lookers to do no more than look, and do only to themselves what the doers might want of the lookers to do?
I would imagine that by the time each had worked this out, the twenty Richmond Lights would have been smoked, and it will be time for the change round of doers and the replacement of a fresh lot of lookers to watch the new doers.
I have also Mrs RSAB2, thought of another problem concerning my suggestion of setting up this room, and feel I have to bring it to your attention, although it is a rather delicate subject to broach. It is the question of employing a cleaner?
I know the present arrangments you have in place for the club in general works well, but do you think Mr & Mrs Mop & Bucket will be prepared to carry out this extra work, as I'm sure the task of picking up the equivalent of six boxes of tissiues, the contents of a couple of condom machines, and unpteen cigarette packets, will be beyond their original remit? Perhaps, if not wishing to incure further club expenditure, Mr Mop & Bucket could be offer the opportunity of wearing his dirty raincoat to have five minutes flashing on the far side of the car instead, as I know this has been his fantasy since resigning his position of caretaker at the town hall to come and work here at the club? Mrs Mop & Bucket, however, not being at all interested in sexual activity in any form, could be offered a half bottle of brandy to keep her well enough oiled to not notice the extra work she is being asked to perform. Personally, I do find her continuous muttering and foul language a mite tedious, but I suppose we have to accept the side-effects of excesive drinking, if we want a task well done!
Well I must be off now Mrs RSAB2 and MissChief, as I have to begin packing my belonging ready for moving house in a couple of weeks.
Oh! Didn't I say? I'm moving to a beautiful stone built cottage right on the edge of one of our local dogging sites :!: :!: :!:
See you all later,
Bye
PS. Could we perhaps have a small padded room where your inspectors could go to work off their frustrations at seeing so many beautiful breast and nipples, while keeping their sexual ardour strictly under control. A couple of inflatable dolls might also help certain members of the inspectorate.
Quote by Ice Pie
School dinner lady?

You're not supposed to get it straight away rolleyes
Obviously Neil has a far greater experiance in these matters than I and I bow to his knowlege.
My only resaon for the suugestion was simply to cater for a section of the membership who seem to be on the outside of everything.
My knowlege of such matters leads me to ask what is a Ford Cortina?
Quote by RSAB2
I'll have a stab and say 1C... Quite high on drink at the moment so I'm probably way off!!
Mr RSAB2

Way off, I say way off laddie. Now where have I heard that before?????????????
Tell us??
I'm thinking. Can hear the voice, can't get the name at the mo, but it'll come, or I'll stay awake all ruddy night thinking about it.
Keith
Got it :idea: Johnny Walker's radio quiz. Snippet taken from the Simpsons I think?
Quote by fluffy25258
i wear a uniform
i accept cash
i yell at ppl to wait or get back
i cannot touch my customers
my customers wear uniforms
this is too easy, lol, only thing i cld think of, sorry
fluffy 25258

A Lollypop Lady confused: :?: :?:
Quote by VenusnMars

No you're alright Venus, there's no-one throwing chairs about, or trying to punch one another, so I would take it that you simply spake words of wisdom.

Well seeing as he earns more than I, I might start a `Carnage` thread :twisted:
Venusxxx
rotflmao :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
No-one could have sweeter lips than you. Sorry wrong thread, but true.
psst, Venus doesn't know how to accept compliments, she said, so lets try?
As for tonights agenda:
Lets think of how we would theme the rooms in our club to set the mood so to speak.
Mrs RSAB2 xxx :angel:
Can I suggest a room resembling a field, to keep the doggers happy while they're inside confused:
Artificial grass on the floor, not lights, and the men armed given torches. Well that's what I'm told they have redface
Quote by RSAB2
I'll have a stab and say 1C... Quite high on drink at the moment so I'm probably way off!!
Mr RSAB2

Way off, I say way off laddie. Now where have I heard that before?????????????
I already knew that and wouldn`t have dreamed of trying smile , if I didn`t already know, I would have probably picked up on it, but people do need to be aware that there are people like yourselves at munches with these bounderies and be careful with thier judgements as a result.
Oh my god, I think I just had a Jerry Springer moment! lol
Venusxxx
No you're alright Venus, there's no-one throwing chairs about, or trying to punch one another, so I would take it that you simply spake words of wisdom.
I have a very teed of girlie in bed becuase I had to turn this damned computer back on to find out what Ice Pie does for a living.
Read the message twice, saved the pici for my nephews bithday wrapping paper, and still didn't realise you're a station announcer till I returned position number 19 with the said young lady.
Now she's getting dressed and threatening to leave because I insisted on coming back here to send you this.
Ice Pie, I'm as mad as hell, but I'm not sure it's with you or myself.
Good-night.
2Aw sweetheart, it was a good joke really, and i'll introduce you next time we go down to London, honest."
It's the Bank Hols mate, they've all gorn off fornicating and swinging and things, and expect us to hold the fort.
I tell ya, if it wasn't for the job we do, the whole thing would ave got on me tits by now, and even Niceguy suggested I take a sebatical, or wot-ever them posh blokes call it.
Roll on Tues and the next meetin of the committee.
Nice to chat in proper langwidge while ther away tho.
While it is a tragedy for anyone to lose their life under whatever circumstances, the fact is that it does happen.
Yes, this thread has moved from the original titilation of flashing experiences, but we should always bear in mind the possible consequences of our actions before we do something which might affect others. However, having sex on the beach could have similar consequences, and although it is deemed to be wrong in the eyes of the law and society in general, people will still do it for the thrill of getting away with it, and this is the same as flashing, whether it be at drivers or simply in a pub.
I know we are all older now and take a more responsible view of things we do or fantasies we would like to see come true, but when you were younger, as most of the flashers on the motorways are, did you always think of the consequences your actions might create? Of course you didn't, and the younger people amongst us are no different from years gone by. There fore it is up to us more mature people (drivers) to respond in an adult way, and either slow down and pay strict attention to the road only, or as a last resort, use a hands free phone to contact the police and have the offenders removed from the road.
Well I think that has covered both sides of the argument, from my stand-point anyway, so I will leave you all to pull my thoughts to pieces.
Keith
PS. I have retired from the road now, only venturing out to chauffeur people about part time, and that's enough with the amount of traffic about now, because it takes an age to go anywhere.
I think I'm right everybody. Ice Pie's just trying to avoid the issue now. :twisted:
Quote by neilinleeds
keith!
far be it from me to comment . . .
but i have seen loonies trying to plait fog, with a less / more tenuous grip on reality than you. give yer 'ead a shek ((( that's northern for shake for davej's benefit ))) and have a quiet word with yaself will ya? there's a good chap!
ice pie, please put keith out of our collective misery will you? please!
i have no idea!
neil ;-)

Oy! I'm as northern as you and Davej put togther and I've never said shek in my life. shak and shuk maybe, but shek? Never evil
Now where's that bloody Ice Pie, I want ta ga bed. If I kep her waitin fer much long er, she'll go reet ta slep on me, and I'll git nowt fer me troubles.
You explain it to Davej, Neil
It has been noted that few applications have arrived from our friends down south. The committee is wondering if their is a lack of Not So Busty Babes in the south of England requierirng a club of their own, or is it simply the profusion of good food down there that denotes larger than D cup breasts?
Perhaps someone could advise the membership confused:
Quote by Ice Pie
Hell, put out of our misery won't you IcePie

I'm rather enjoying the mysteriosity of it all at the moment thanks. biggrin
Yeh, but am I any closer confused: :?: evil
Erm, you hinted at Civil Defence. There is an element of that in my job, but knowing that won't do you any good at all. :D
Oh, and I don't have direct access to radio stations, but I do tell the lady who broadcasts on several radio stations on our behalf what to say.
My voice is not heard on the radio.
Right then,
You work for the RAC or AA monitoring roads and traffic, hence the contact with Police, Our Ken, Radio, London News etc.
Now tell me I'm wrong :!: :!:
Quote by Ice Pie
Hell, put out of our misery won't you IcePie

I'm rather enjoying the mysteriosity of it all at the moment thanks. biggrin
Yeh, but am I any closer confused: :?: evil
Hi I'm Keith, traveling down to Stanstead early hours of Monday Morning. Are there any couples or single ladies who would like some company for a few hours, from say, 9am?
I shall be returning north around lunchtime so could meet someone on my way up the A1, if no-one responds from the Stanstead area.
I'm straight, and genuine, and would like to simply make friends with people, even if we don't sexually click.
Cheers for now,
Keith
Quote by Ice Pie
One of the above three guesses is on the right lines, although there is a strong connection with one of the others, and a tenous connection with the remaining one ;)

I think I have it :!:
Communications, public service, uniform.
You are either:
Part of the nuclear early warning team, hence the direct access to goverment officials, radio and newspapers etc, and the need for a uniform for instant recognition
Or,
You work at what's its name house, for the RNLI or Lloyds of London, and you're the guy who rings the bell if a ship goes down, and the above reasons apply.
Hell, put out of our misery won't you IcePie
Although I wholeheartedly agree with JudyTV and many of the other comments, I would like to express my point of view, having been a HGV licence holder and driver for almost forty years.
Yes, I have seen many sights during the hundreds of thousands of miles covered, but in the main it is the car drivers I am most concerned about.
Whilst they are so wrapped up in coersing their pasenger into carrying out ever more daring acts of flashing, it is they who are not consentrating on their driving skills.
On a number of occasions, while the young woman has been 'displaying' I have seen cars drifting ever closer to the truck, and it does not need a geniuse to know what happens when a car hits the wheel of a lorry at full speed.
Even blowing the horn as a warning often does nothing, as inveriably the passenger window is open, and the combined sound of sterio, wind and road noise, obliterates all but American style air-horns.
Turning to the lighter, sexual side of the coin, I have over the years witnessed, a man and woman having full sex in the back of a limo, countless women flashing their boobs, several completly naked passengers, one naked male driver, and one lady driver with I suppose her husband, dressed in stockings, high-heels and frilly knickers, bringing himself off while traveling down the M40 at the side of me. On this occasion, I was driving a 71/2 tonne truck, and was doing 70 in the centre lane, with them keeping pace in the outside lane. I've even seen a police woman flashing her breasts at truck drivers, but we were all in an overnight truck-stop, and she was doing it as a birthday dare. If I remember right, I think the whip-round afterwards netted her about fifty quid or so, and that must have been twenty odd years ago when she could have taxed her car for a year with that kind of collection.
The funniest incident though, was when I went on a swinging date direct from work, as I was late getting back. Talk about being discreet. I pulled up outside in the tractor-unit and the trobbing roar of the engine and squeel of air-brakes had the whole street peering through the curtains to see this monster that had invaded their leafu suburb.
Strangely, we were never invited back there.
No, on the whole, considering the amount of trucks on the road, day and night, compared with the amount of cars, your average truck driver is one of the safest, most curteous, and safest people to be with, in the country, and without them,the whole British economy would grind to a halt. And if you don't believe me, you tell me anything that is made, sold, or you buy, that is not delivered by a truck driver!
So next time you see or hear of someone flashing on the roads of Britain, just tell them they're being totally irresposible, and if anyone gets hurt, it will be their fault entirely.
Phew, somebody hand me a wet towel.
Isn't it strange how we all hanker after the simple things of life to bring us pleasure, but take away the things money has bought, and we're as misserable as sin.
I know because I lost everything a little while ago and had to start again from scratch (no sympathy please), but it did prove that simple guestures and kind words can mean so much more than things that money can buy.
The most pleasurable single thing in the world? A lovely partner to share lifes experiences with.
PS. I'm still looking.
Quote by Ice Pie
Riddle:
My place of work is an area of about a thousand square miles but I rarely move.
My voice is heard by a million people every day but I'm not a radio presenter.
I have a direct line to the power station but I'm not an electrician.
I have a direct line to the editor of the Evening Standard but I'm not a journalist.
I have a direct line to the Mayor's office but I'm not a politician.
I have a direct line to the Chief Superintendant but I'm not a policeman.
I wear a uniform.

Second guess Ice Pie. You're an emergency services operator confused: :?:
Quote by Ice Pie
Riddle:
My place of work is an area of about a thousand square miles but I rarely move.
My voice is heard by a million people every day but I'm not a radio presenter.
I have a direct line to the power station but I'm not an electrician.
I have a direct line to the editor of the Evening Standard but I'm not a journalist.
I have a direct line to the Mayor's office but I'm not a politician.
I have a direct line to the Chief Superintendant but I'm not a policeman.
I wear a uniform.

You're the Accurist time presenter confused: :?: