Sarah and I got together twenty years ago. I was thirty. She was twenty. We had nothing. I lived hand to mouth just to climb. She worked pubs. I met her in a pub. We hit it off straight away. Love at first sight for her, so she says. A couple of days after we first met, I was leaving the pub that she worked in. She said ‘Where are you going?’ I said ‘Home. Where should I be going?’ ‘In my knickers.’ So that’s where I went. Somehow together we built a great life in climbing paradise. We’ve become models of middle class respectability. She’s left a reputation for promiscuity well behind her. Since she met me she’s been (in her words) ‘One hundred percent monogamous’. I ditched drink and drugs years ago. We have great jobs. We have the house of our dreams right near the lake we’ve loved all our lives. We have two fantastic kids. We have each other. We’re so close that everyone else is jealous. I’m desperate to transform her into a hotwife. (She isn’t familiar with the ‘hotwife’ term. She doesn’t know what a hotwife is.) She knows that she’s is free to do as she pleases with whoever she pleases. Whilst I will remain devoted and monogamous. But she says she’s not interested. She laughed when I had a heart to heart with her and I told her that she has a free pass. She later called it ‘bullshit’ and she says ‘I only want you.’ She reacts badly if I mention other guys in bed. So I’ve taken to encouraging her in any direction that she chooses to go in and trying not to push my own agenda. Hence the crotchless basque. She asked me to buy one for her. It took me by surprise as much as the anklet did. Obviously I went straight out and got one. Where ever she is taking things. That is where we will go. I won’t ask and I won’t push. I will just encourage whatever it is. Hence I’ve wondered if there is a Steve seed in her mind that I can cultivate. I’ve been bringing him up in conversation just before bedtime in the hope of bringing him into her mind as she goes to sleep. But I feel torn. It wrenches my gut. I don’t like the idea of her and Steve. He’s fitter than me, rich, single… I've known him since childhood. He and I climbed together for decades until a back injury, from a fall, ended my climbing days. He still climbs. He’s a bit of a climbing legend. So I’ve decided to forget trying to cultivate a seed and just keep a watching brief. Stop mentioning him before bedtime. There’s probably no seed of anything in her mind anyway. That mad shit (cuckolding) is just the latest obsession in my fucked up mind. It’s probably not something that she will ever go for.